[sjkero]

I know I've done more reading than writing and supporting, and so I know and understand why I don't typically receive a lot of comments or advice. I bit the bullet and wrote a loooooong email to my T (while a little intoxicated) about my struggle with being obsessed with her and wanting her affection, and how that need has outweighed everything I came to therapy for in the first place. I've been seeing her for about 4 years or so, and I still struggle to say ANYTHING, so this was a major, major, major deal.

There are reasons why now was the time to tell her these things, but that's besides the point. I kept hinting to her that I needed to tell her stuff, and I finally went through with it early last week. I sent the email. I was heading on a business trip for work, and so for some reason I felt the adrenaline knowing I would be states away for the next few days after sending.

At the end of my email, I told her not to worry about responding. I 100% regret that. She always responds, and for some reason I just couldn't bear to see the words she would write, so I asked her not to. The day after I sent the email, she texted me and said everything would be ok (I wrote in my email that I was worried this would change things). I didn't feel any less unsettled I then told her I wanted to take a week off, and she seemed somewhat annoyed, and even asked why I thought a week off would help. The thing is, I couldn't face her!!! I eventually told her the reason, and she seemed okay with it, and even apologetic about pressuring me to come in instead.

Fast forward.... I'm scheduled to see her early next week, and I'm still not ready. I think I screwed everything up for me permanently. I wish I could go into further detail, but I don't feel comfortable.

Any advice on how to face my T... someone who I crave attention from, and want to impress, and idolize... about this issue that gives me anxiety attacks and horrible embarrassment, I'd appreciate it

[Pennster]

Oh, sjkero, I'm sorry I don't have more advice for you, but it sounds like your therapist is very kind. I do feel like so much of these feelings that can sometimes stress us out so much just arise naturally out of the situation. I would imagine that your therapist would understand that, and she'll hopefully offer you the compassionate response you sound like you really deserve. It sounds like being honest with her about this was such a huge step for you, and it also sounds like she will respect and honor that.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree that your T sounds very kind and understanding. The fact that she still texted you to reassure you is a good sign.

I've shared feelings with my marriage counselor, and was afraid to come in the next session, but it was OK. The fact that you've had a long relationship with this T is encouraging. So you have a lot of history with her.

Could you send her a text or e-mail saying how nervous you are? Maybe her reassuring you more would help. I know how intense the feelings can be and how strong the fear can be, especially if you have issues with abandonment and/or rejection. But it sounds like she'll be understanding. If you get in there for the session, and it's too hard, just think that you could always leave. But I think you'll be OK, and it will be healing to face her and talk to her and see that she still accepts you.

[AnxiousGirl]

Trust me I know the feeling. I was pretty much forced into therapy a year ago (I'm 20 now) and I was so resentful when I first started. Now as the year has progressed I've felt a bit more trusting with my T that I too have sent her a few emails about things that were eating me up. First it takes me so long to get the nerve to write the email, then I save the email for DAYS because I'm too afraid to send it, then when I do send it I disable my email until the night before the appointment to read it. Then I get too scared to go see her so sometimes I say that I have homework just to get another week (which by the way causes more anxiety). I would said it's normal and the fact that she texted you is a pretty nice gesture so that's amazing. You did the right thing, telling her is better than keeping it inside like that. Goodluck. * I have a therapy appointment early next week too * Guess were all in this together