[MindfulMoment]

My T seems eager and excited to work with me, but I don't feel connected to her We've only had a few sessions, but I don't get the sense that she sees me as a person, rather as an interesting object, sort of like a scientist. I know it's early days, but she is very extraverted and in my face and I don't feel I'll ever feel safe enough to confide in her about anything deeply emotional. Do I give her a few more sessions to see if things change, or save myself time and money and end things? Speaking of ending things, how do I go about ending things without upsetting her?

MM

[Argonautomobile]

I would give it a few more sessions, personally. The therapeutic alliance is built over time.

[ruh roh]

She is showing you how she works, so after having seen her a few times already, this is probably what you can expect. If her approach makes you uncomfortable now, what could happen to make it comfortable in a month or ten? I would tell her I'd like to take a break, that it's too intense, and I need time to think about things. I wouldn't schedule another appt., but just say I'll call when or if I'm ready to do that. Then I would try out another one. I think this kind of fit is pretty important. I would not do well with someone all that eager.

[stopdog]

If it is not working for you, I always think trying a few others out is a good idea. The therapist is(or should not) not going to be hurt or upset if someone else is a better fit for you from my experience.

[Petra5ed]

What's your gut telling you to do? I would trust your intuition on this one.

If it were me I would probably wait it out if I thought it might turn around. If it feels hopeless though, I would try a different therapist. You can always say something like I'm going to be busy so don't schedule me for now and I will call you to schedule later, and then never call. If you feel ballsy you could just say I don't think we're a good for, but thanks for your time anyways. I guess that would be preference too. I personally would puss out and just not schedule again because I don't like confrontation.

[Bipolar Warrior]

Sometimes it can be the thing that makes you uncomfortable that really proves to be beneficial to you in the end. Not always, but sometimes, and it is entirely possible that this therapist/client relationship is not going to work out.

To give you an example, the therapist/mentor that was assigned to me by my university really scared me at first. I found her a bit intense - I had never encountered someone like her before. I felt she was too straight-foward. My best friend thought that I should ask for someone else, but my gut feeling told me to stick it out, and I'm so glad I did because this woman has helped me so much. I absolutely adore her, she is brilliant.

So like Petra says, it's usually a good idea to trust your instincts with something like this. Don't worry about upsetting the therapist, I'm sure they have had similar things happen to them before; their approach isn't going to work for everyone. Good luck!

[atisketatasket]

I hesitate to say it's just a bad fit if she truly seems to look at you like some kind of intellectual experiment. I would hate to see a therapist like that.

It is true that different personalities in their therapists may help clients - I find that to be true in my case - but my therapists are quite sensitive to the fact that I'm not an extrovert and they appear to adjust their approach to accommodate for that. Yours doesn't seem to be sensitive or doing that.

I agree: start test-driving others. If you think there's anything there with this woman, you can see her while looking for her successor.

[MindfulMoment]

Thanks for the reasurance everyone, I'm glad to hear that other Ts haven't taken offense to not being the right match for a client. I think I'm going to give it a couple more sessions and see how things go.

I think you should probably trust your instincts, it does sound like she is not really connecting with you, I don't think a leopard usually changes their spots, I also think that a good T is hard to find, you may have to try a few out before you hit the jackpot. There is a questionnaire somewhere on this site about successful therapy, and it comments that one of the things that successful therapy usually has is that it felt right from the start. I stayed with a T for a long time, and it didn't feel right, even at the start. I thought we would be able to work it out, and gets to a place where did feel right, but we never managed that. I'm now with a T that felt right at the start.

[spring2014]

MM,
it takes time to develop your trust and a therapeutic relationship with your therapist. I know this one cuz I had a hard time w my old therapist . he was so cold and not easy to get along with .all he was interested in was that I should try to get a job under his rules for me to get therapy . I left him cuz of unprofessional conduct w me as a client .he never taught me coping skills or taught me how to deal with my anxiety and depression.to me I think he just graduated with a bachelor's degree in counseling .no license that he can work as a counselor in my state.my counselor that I been seeing for a year now she is very qualified to be a counselor .she has a bachelor's of science degree in nursing,bachelor's of arts degree in psychology , a master's degree in community agency in counseling and her license to practice counseling in the state of Ohio. my therapist is worth my time and the money that the government is paying her for to treat my anxiety and depression.














Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia