Voices, needs and helplessness.

Yes, these are coming to the boil for me. I've over the last couple of days communicated with the voices in my mind, that tell me to shut up, or insult and confuse me.

T asked me once where these voices came from? I knew what the answer was, but I didnt' or was'nt ready to tell.

yes they come from me, they are/were created by me. How scary a thought is that? So much easier to feel as if they come from outside of me.

I've also felt a battle going on this week, a battle inside, I realised a lot of mental illness is faulty thinking. Thinking patterns put in place many moons ago.

A time when one is most vunrable and a "victim" of some of lifes harsh realitys can lead one into feeling victimised by outside forces for ever onwards. A feeling that society is out to get you.

Turning that around though, society may want to help you because of what happened? T isn't trying to win a war of wills, she is trying to help me.

My need to be a victim, helpless, rescued is changing. I'm begining to feel empowered from within. Begining to see the miracle of life and how it does what it does and if one becomes open to it can benefit from the beauty of life too, like others.

I'd not realised just how tight I've held onto my old beliefs, infact without awareness of faulty thinking one is left to live a life lonely and afraid, and unecessaryly persecuted by one's own hand.

The voices need me as much as I needed them, they need me to let them go.

“The voices need me as much as I needed them, they need me to let them go.”

I love that. What a great insight. Do you feel like you are ready to let go? It sounds kind of scary, but what a great turning point. I’d like to hear more about this—you really have my brain turning now. This will be something for me to contemplate in my journal.

It doesn't seem such an impossibilty too now, because I'm allowing myself to own them, and know they may have from a place of pain and sorrow. Where as before I did not want to know why they were there or how.

Freedom is in owning all of ourselfs or else we live a life of denial and unhappiness..

You know I was sitting reading a book and something I read really hit home in such a deep way

"In short Mrs Quest was like ninety-nine per cent of humanity: if she spent an afternoon jam-making, while her mind was filled with thoughts envious, spiteful, lustful- violent; then she had spent the afternoon making jam"....

Wow thats like sooooooo powerful!!!

Mouse,

How this post resonates with me! You know I have a crying child within me as well.

I prefer to think of the "faulty thinking" as "survival thinking"....it is a gentler way to describe what we did to survive. Children are unable to protect themselves so they compensate for that vulnerability through fantasy, dissociation....

Maybe you can let some of the voices go because the adult you is taking care of that little girl so she doesn't feel so alone.

((((((((Mouse)))))))) I am so happy that you are in this safe place right now.

(((((((( mouse ))))))))

((((MOUSE)))) Take care of yourself. Soidhonia