[Rive1976]

So my T goes on vacation at least once a month. I send her alot of emails. Mainly just things I forgot to mention in session. She made the point of telling me the last vacation she didn't want to be contacted if possible. She said that I had other people I could talk to and coping strategies. If I absolutely needed to contact her I could. Has anyone else had this experience. Did you feel hurt?

I don't contact my T outside of sessions unless it's an absolutely, undeniable ER. If I forget something important I write it down, and either give him the written note at the beginning of the next session or read it over before I go in as a reminder to me. That said, if it has been acceptable to email frequently & it's become an acceptable practice being asked to change would be hurtful. I got a meme today that showed an empty cup & said you can't pour from this cup. Perhaps your T needs some rest. Sounds like she's a T that gives a lot. Also sounds like she thinks you've developed some reliable coping strategies. She left open some availability if you think it's necessary. In years passed I've had Ts that wouldn't take emails or phone calls on weekends, or vacations, during dinner or family times, etc. with no alternate contacts. Had one who could only be contacted by a message left with her receptionist. Will be following to see what others experienced are. Thanks for posting this.

[DP_2017]

Yep, I used to email my T at least weekly...and he cut me off a few months ago. I can email but he wont reply.

I'm allowed to text still, however, he wont respond on weekends or vacations. It sucks, especially since so many people here can basically contact T's whenever BUT it's also been good for me, and helped me become more secure with things with us, and not feel the need for reassurance etc

His two week trip when I was allowed 0 contact of any kind was hell, but I managed to get through it.

[velcro003]

I don't tend to email my T during vacation (and only did once bc i was inpatient somewhere, so knew she wouldn't mind the extra contact), but she has mentioned that me using e-mail is a way to avoid talking about those subjects in person. She is right, so even though i still e-mail, i try to use it more constructively, and also bring in journaling bc we can discuss that actually in session.

[velcro003]

also, my T does not go on vacation nearly as much as yours does--i don't know how i'd feel about that.

[CharlieStarDust]

My T only replies to emails during office hours, so I never worry about emailing her. Ultimately, it’s her responsibility to monitor herself. You don’t want emails while on vacation, don’t check your email. Putting it on you seems really crappy. I would be annoyed more than hurt if my T did that.

[waterlogged]

I’ve been seeing my T for 4.5 years. She tends to take about 6 weeks off each year (spread out). At least for 2 vacations, she’s told me that she will not be available BUT in those cases, she has arranged for another T to cover for her in case of emergency. It’s not unreasonable for her to be unavailable while on vacation - however I’d find that message a little mixed.

[zoiecat]

My T does not respond to emails andchas never accepted texts. I can call during an emergency.

I know you are disappointed at the sudden change but I think it is good when T limit outside contact to emergencies only. Their job is to teach us the skills to handle life on our own and learn to sit with and tolerate our feelings. That is not learned by unlimited contact.

Whenever I am really upset over something ai will journal and write my feelings and thoughts down in a letter. I will bring that in to session and he will read through it and respond throughout.

I know it will not be easy but it sounds like you do have other people to lean on irl. Try journaling the rest. Sit with the feelings and write about them. It will help you grow and become less dependent. Your T will be so proud for you to share once they return.

[Fuzzybear]

It’s better not to send a therapist a lot of emails. Imo. I’ve never had that “problem” partly as no therapist gave a crap about me and were not trustworthy. I hope this works out for you

I heard this from professionals many times and I also said things like that in my work. I think it is perfectly correct. Maybe one can feel hurt if it goes again what they want, but it is fair game and, IMO, it is not fair to expect a professional to respond on a vacation that they announced in advance, if they don't want to.

[Amyjay]

My T studied burn out for her PhD and has very firm boundaries around email and outside contact. On days she doesn't work (weekend or vacation) she doesn't respond to emails at all. She prefers not to receive any, but if she does she will only read and respond on her next working day. On days she does work she only responds to email in office hours. She told me this at the beginning and has always adhered firmly to those boundaries. If people have emergencies outside those hours they are to call a hotline or go to the emergency room.
My T says those are the boundaries she has set for herself in order to maintain her quilibrium for work. If anyone needs a higher level of involvement they may prefer to find a therapist who is able to offer them what they require.

I didn't like that policy at first but I have come to appreciate it. The times I wish I could contact her outside of hours I just know I can't... so I find another way to deal. I actually find it much easier than the uncertainty and anxiety of not knowing if she will or won't read or respond to email.
On the flip side she holds up her end of the deal very well too. She is the most reliable and consistent T I have ever worked with. The few times she has had to cancel because of illness she arranged a different time for me to see her that week. She never takes leave without giving several months notice. And she remembers everything. Every single little thing.

For you I can understand it is more painful to have something and then have it taken away. But I think its important to respect your Ts boundary and private time since she has asked for it. It won't be personal, just your t saying I am on vacation and not really available, just wait til I get back.

[piggy momma]

I flood my T's inbox with email messages and text messages on a daily basis. Everything from don't forget our appt, to how's your bird, do you want a coffee, look what cute trick my pig learned today...

I think he's had to up his data because of me. It is incessant and nonstop. And every time i tel my self I'm gonna stop, I just amp it up more.

Lately, because I'm taking so many sleeping pills at night, he's getting lots of "drunk texts" that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

He has the patience of a saint.

[Lemoncake]

I'm going to say this from the other side of the boat as one of those clients who has been deeply attached. If a T is going away on holiday then they should provide a back up plan for when they're not going to available and this should be discussed before hand in session to something that is reasonable for both. My T didn't previously allow contact during holidays but let me have that plus a full session in august.

Up until recently I used to email my T once a week- but I also feel like I over did it when I went back to London for 17 days and emailed multiple times during the week. Where I am now I don't feel like I need contact now and haven't emailed since the 18th, which is a big thing for me.

[Rive1976]

Well I told my therapist by email yesterday I was feeling a little suicidal. She said do you need to go to the hospital. I said no I just have alot on my mind with no feedback. It upset me. I dont think she really cares about her clients tbh. To me it showed how little she cares and I ended up cutting.

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by Dnester

Well I told my therapist by email yesterday I was feeling a little suicidal. She said do you need to go to the hospital. I said no I just have alot on my mind with no feedback. It upset me. I dont think she really cares about her clients tbh. To me it showed how little she cares and I ended up cutting.

I hate hate hate when I tell my T something important over text or email and it doesn't even get acknowledged. I would feel the same way - he obviously doesn't care and I would act out as well.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

I hate hate hate when I tell my T something important over text or email and it doesn't even get acknowledged. I would feel the same way - he obviously doesn't care and I would act out as well.

Im so pissed I could spit nails. I could not go Wed and cool down. Go and tell her exactly what I think. Go and act like it didn't happen. Idk what to do. I have been looking up new therapist today. It is hard for me to find therapist that meet my criteria though. They have to be at least 10 years older ( because I don't think you can truly counsel people if they haven't had any life experience beyond yours) they have to be women( men are jerks)

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by Dnester

So my T goes on vacation at least once a month. I send her alot of emails. Mainly just things I forgot to mention in session. She made the point of telling me the last vacation she didn't want to be contacted if possible. She said that I had other people I could talk to and coping strategies. If I absolutely needed to contact her I could. Has anyone else had this experience. Did you feel hurt?

With former T I didn't have that experience, but I would try to not contact her much while she was on vacation. I would ask for a voicemail though so I could listen to her voice while she was away. That helped tremendously.

[Rive1976]

Well she isn't even on vaca right now and cant even give me any feedback on being suicidal. So I really dont know what to think. Maybe it's wise I miss our session this week but then I will just be even more irritated so idk.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by Dnester

Well she isn't even on vaca right now and cant even give me any feedback on being suicidal. So I really dont know what to think. Maybe it's wise I miss our session this week but then I will just be even more irritated so idk.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. ((hugs)) If you need to go to the hospital, don't hesitate. If you can avoid the hospital, maybe try journalling or doing some artwork, something to express your emotions.

[Rive1976]

I dont want to go to the hospital. I just want to cut and I dont know what to do about my appointment. I feel hurt by her, my unsupportive family, the fact that I get nowhere in therapy because no one can tell me why I am who I am and the fact that little none of my questions have been answered in therapy only because I cant stay present enough to hear them.