[WanderingBark]

Hi all,

I apologize if this is the wrong thread to post this--please let me know if it is. But one goal of mine is to be a particularly good patient both so that I can get the most out of my therapy but also so that my T can help me in the most beneficial way possible. I'm wondering what makes a good patient? My T and I don't do homework/tasks--we basically just talk for one hour about anything that comes to my mind. And lately I feel like either I'm doing this wrong or that I'm not providing enough 'material' for my T to work with. For a while I felt like we were making progress but now I feel stuck.

[Dern]

Hello, Wondering Bark. Have you and your therapist formulated a treatment plan?

The Mental Health Treatment Plan: Introduction to an Essential Ingredient | Therapy Soup

[WanderingBark]

Hi there! We've made a plan, but we didn't write anything down. I suspect he has it in his notes. I generally trust my T to keep us on track with our plan.

[spring2014]

hi bark ,
to answer your question you need to develop your relationship with your therapist . my therapist and I have a good client therapist relationship cuz we communicate when I have a session with her and in between sessions . your therapist has to assign you " homework" in between sessions so that if you have any questions you can ask your therapist . also you have to do the homework yourself or therapy will not work out . I know from experience with working w therapists . I had bad therapist he didn't give me homework or showed me his treatment plans for me . my therapist now showed me her treatment plans w me to work with her in counseling .








Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

[Shaly78]

For me, my example of a good patient is communicating that is what I require of myself. The worst ones those that are anti social and forced to be there if not communicating. You should expect missed appt late apathy...etc...Good the opposite of those discussed

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I think a good patient does what is asked from the therapist whether it be homework or coping skills or suggestions. I also think its very important to have a good relationship with your therapist and establish a good connection.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T has said I'm a good patient because I'm interested in the therapy process and I'm willing to do the necessary work (most of the time, anyway!) She said lots of clients just expect her to magically fix all their issues and don't want to put in any work. So, be willing to do work, whether it's talking about stuff in session or doing other things outside of session.

Plus basic things like showing up on time, calling if you have to cancel rather than no-showing, etc.

Being good according to whose idea of what Good means?

Therapy needs the whole person. Not just the hand picked birs that are normally just describe to other people's desires.

Are you asking - what do I need to be doing to make my theraoy successful? I've asked myself that question too (maybe it's a good topic for discussion with a T). Maybe the answer depends on the person. For me I'm guessing that I need to say the things that I find hard to say. Some of these are seemingly simple, like asking my T how she feels about contact outside sessions. I think I need to speak aloud my reaction to the things my T says, even if my reaction isn't always positive. I need to tell her the positive feelings that I feel too (in other relationships Infind it hard to do and I feel that if I become comfortable doing it wirh T I can be more comfortable doing it wirh friends). I need to share my feelings with her because I've always hidden and ignored them (I mean feelings of sadness and shame).

[WanderingBark]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Being good according to whose idea of what Good means?

Therapy needs the whole person. Not just the hand picked birs that are normally just describe to other people's desires.

I mean, what can I do to make my therapy most effective. Obviously, it's a two way street because if I don't share then my T can't help...well are there other things aside from sharing that make therapy especially effective? Also, what are the qualities that T's like in their patients (obviously being on time, willing to work, etc are valued, but what else?)

[AnaWhitney]

I think a good client is one that does the hard work outside of the therapy hour. For me, one hour a week of talking is not enough to make progress.
My T rarely gives homework, but once she did encourage me to write about whatever I was thinking because for lots of people writing tends to just let it flow better than speaking. She said to try it for myself even if I don't want to share it with her. I now rely on this bigtime and I don't think I've had a session that I didn't provide the material for since it was first suggested. I hand my diary over to her at the start of each session and then she knows exactly where I am at.
I've written a couple of letters to people in my life, I've also described on paper exactly how certain situations can affect me. I also like to pretend to myself that I'm writing 'stories' , so I can distract myself from what I'm actually doing (describing moments in my life)
Anyway, my point is that T doesn't assign any of these as homework. I just do them anyway and T is always happy to work with whatever I've brought.
I'd strongly recommend writing down whatever comes to mind. Therapy is expensive enough for most people so it's worth taking the time in between to make sure you get something out of each session.

[WanderingBark]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I think a good patient does what is asked from the therapist whether it be homework or coping skills or suggestions. I also think its very important to have a good relationship with your therapist and establish a good connection.

I totally agree with your post (along with many of the other replies here). Please feel free not to answer this, but how did you and your T establish a good relationship? Just time? I ask because I think it's something that both my T and I are trying to achieve but for some reason it's been a little difficult.

[AnaWhitney]

Honestly I don't know if I have a good relationship with T or not - I struggle with closeness in general.
I do know that she has never done anything to hurt the relationship. She listens, asks the right questions at the right times, remembers EVERYTHING, is always on time, never rushes me out the door etc.
Is this what you mean by a good relationship? I'm actually a little lost after trying to answer your question!

[WanderingBark]

Originally Posted by AnaWhitney

Honestly I don't know if I have a good relationship with T or not - I struggle with closeness in general.
I do know that she has never done anything to hurt the relationship. She listens, asks the right questions at the right times, remembers EVERYTHING, is always on time, never rushes me out the door etc.
Is this what you mean by a good relationship? I'm actually a little lost after trying to answer your question!

Yes, sorry, my question is slowly evolving as I read people's responses haha. You answered my question. I was asking mainly because my T asked me how he could become closer to me in session. I assumed he asked that because he feels we don't have a close/good relationship so I was wondering how you & T became close.

I actually don't agree that a good patient has to do what the T asks. If a therapist makes suggestions, they won't always be to the point or relevant for the patient. (I had a former therapist suggest that I "give myself credit" or something like that when I did things right. I'm sure that's a useful thing for many people but for me it sent me spiralling down quickly. And the thing was that that even though I knew myself well enough to know it would be bad for me, I made a very honest and thorough attempt to be openminded and try it anyway, and it took me a while to recover from the damage I did to myself by following that suggestion. The same therapist made other suggestions that would have been damaging to me if I had followed them - about my job, for instance, which she had very little clue about. I would have seriously stifled in my personality and my career - which are very closely interrelated - if I had done as she told me.)

I do think that if a therapist suggests something, it is usually helpful to discuss it and make a honest assessment about whether it might work, and if not, why not. Following the T's advice without questioning it is never a good idea, but neither is refusing to listen to what they say. Discussion is key. Of course, if you don't feel that it's worthwhile to discuss your T's suggestions with them (as I never did with my exT) it could be a sign that it's not the right T for you.

[AnaWhitney]

WonderingBark, sorry for my vagueness, I didn't mean that you had confused me, you were quite clear. I actually confused myself in trying to answer your second question. It makes me realise that there is nothing that stops me feeling close with T. I can list off what is great about her, she is the perfect T, but I still don't feel close.
Now I'm interested to see how others describe their closeness with their T.

[Willowleaf]

I find this really interesting because sometimes when I try and be a 'good' client then things backfire. I push myself to do too much before I am ready and can end up in a worse state. Mine rarely sets homework and never tells me what to do. She encourages me to be interested in what is there so if I sit there apathetically or I don't engage that's fine with her but she encourages me to get interested in why I am behaving like that. Equally if I am trying to be'good' she would want to get interested in that. I too have often said I don't want to waste time I want to get the most from every minute but I am encouraged that to do that I need to really be present, be honest and be prepared to explore whatever arises. Not sure I've explained this very well, but I know that for me this approach has been the most beneficial and went I learnt not to push myself too hard things improved.

[Favorite Jeans]

I wonder about being a good patient. I guess I think of "good" as entailing a kind of compliance that I find discomfiting if not outright distasteful. Maybe that's not what the OP meant though?

I mean, my goodness, there you are processing trauma or grief or wading through your depression, let's say, and it's incredibly difficult and often just miserable. On top of that there's all the maddening ways in which your therapist is imperfect, the fact of having to pay them rather a lot of money, the general pain of growing and likely some thorny transference issues as well. With all of that you're supposed to be good too?

You're supposed to behave in a way that is flattering to therapist's ego? You're supposed to show deference and gratitude on a regular basis? I'm thinking no effin way! T should be worried about being a good T. I worry about being good at my job, at parenthood, at marriage, at friendship to name a few. But I can't also worry about pleasing my therapist. She gets paid plenty. It's not my job to be easy.* I think it would actually be detrimental to my therapy.

(*with gratitude here to tiny rabbit who first said this)

[Mike_J]

I have been trying to be a good patient as well. I have always been very punctual, have only been late for one session in 10 years, I make sure I pay my bill on time. I work on the things we talk about during our session throughout the week. And my biggest goal to continue to be a good patient is to avoid proposing to my therapist AGAIN.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by WonderingBark

I totally agree with your post (along with many of the other replies here). Please feel free not to answer this, but how did you and your T establish a good relationship? Just time? I ask because I think it's something that both my T and I are trying to achieve but for some reason it's been a little difficult.

We talked about boundaries and yes it was time. After awhile we just established a connection and a good relationship.

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[stopdog]

I show up on-time, I leave on time, and I pay on time. That's really all the woman has a right to expect in my opinion.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I show up on-time, I leave on time, and I pay on time. That's really all the woman has a right to expect in my opinion.

Second that, and add, it's OK to want to be a good client. But what that really means is that you want therapy to work for you. It should have nothing to do with the therapist. I would be just as, if not more, concerned that the therapist wants to be a good therapist and succeeds.

[WanderingBark]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

I wonder about being a good patient. I guess I think of "good" as entailing a kind of compliance that I find discomfiting if not outright distasteful. Maybe that's not what the OP meant though?

I mean, my goodness, there you are processing trauma or grief or wading through your depression, let's say, and it's incredibly difficult and often just miserable. On top of that there's all the maddening ways in which your therapist is imperfect, the fact of having to pay them rather a lot of money, the general pain of growing and likely some thorny transference issues as well. With all of that you're supposed to be good too?

You're supposed to behave in a way that is flattering to therapist's ego? You're supposed to show deference and gratitude on a regular basis? I'm thinking no effin way! T should be worried about being a good T. I worry about being good at my job, at parenthood, at marriage, at friendship to name a few. But I can't also worry about pleasing my therapist. She gets paid plenty. It's not my job to be easy.* I think it would actually be detrimental to my therapy.

(*with gratitude here to tiny rabbit who first said this)

Your response is much appreciated. I've been feeling badly for the tough sessions when I shut down (although I try my hardest not to shut down) but this perspective helped me be less hard on myself.

[Gavinandnikki]

Be as honest as you possibly can and express your real feelings.

That is my advice.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I show up on-time, I leave on time, and I pay on time. That's really all the woman has a right to expect in my opinion.

This, in my opinion, is the absolute minimum. Unless you simply want someone to talk at.

To get more from therapy, as many people use/ define therapy, you have to give more.

My opinion only. Therapy has different purposes for different people.

It all depends on what you want/need from your therapy.

It's your buck. Spend it wisely.