What is T wanting when making this statement?

My T has made this comment twice since we started sessions in August and I'm trying to understand what response she wants from me. She says, "You must be getting something out of our sessions - you keep coming back." We've mostly dealt with anger and abandonment issues, though not deeply. Any suggestions on how she's trying to get me to respond, or what she hopes I'll say/do? (It does make me angry!)

Tell her it makes you angry. Ask her what she means by it. It sounds to me like she's fishing for you to state therapy goals explicitly or tell her what benefit you've received from therapy--these things may not be clear to her.

If my therapist said that, I would respond with whether or not that statement was true, and then I'd ask why she asked. I don't think anyone here can tell you what she means, other than the obvious--that she observes you have benefited from therapy. Without any context (were you talking of quitting, or did you express something she was responding to), it's hard to do anything except guess.

"You must be getting something out of our sessions - you keep coming back." I think she want you to think why you keep coming back and why you feel angry about it.

It seems logical that you get something from your sessions and there is a reason you get angry.

It seems to me that what she wants or expects from you is not the issue. You obviously have very strong feelings around this. I would guess they are very uncomfortable. I have found that it helps if you can finds words/language to describe your feelings. I wonder if finding words and language here might not be a way to answer your T? Just a thought.

I understand you´re upset, I´d been too. If I personally heard this from a T I would interpret it like "I think it´s rather unnessesary for you to be here and I don´t know why you´re here". A comment like this could probably ruin my trust in a T but I´m quite a sensitive person.

I would probably also feel that this T is unsure about her work or that she´s tired of working with me, perhaps she tries to provoke you to answer to what you think you´re getting from seeing her. Unproffessional I think.

I´d try to bring this up and just ask her to clarify, I wouldn´t show how upset I was but just ask her in a conversational tone.

(((((((( UglyDucky )))))))))
Tell her it makes you angry ... I think this is probably what she is fishing for (it sounds like a standard comment to me . A T said the same thing to me )

I don't know what your T wants when she says that. Better to ask her.
My T has said something similair to me. ''If you woulnd't want to get better, you wouldn't had begun therapy again and you wouldn't keep coming to the sessions.'' She has said somethings like that several times when I told her that sometimes I doubt if I want to get better.
I don't know what you were talking about when she said that.

I'm sorry I didn't feel I could give more information. There was no talk about quitting. I do wonder - since that statement makes me angry - if she's trying to get me off the fence about something. I'm guessing, too. Thanks, so much, for your thoughts and response. I may just have to play this out the best I can...

I'm sorry that I couldn't give more information. I hesitate to post much here, not knowing if my T checks out PC or not. Since we're still a bit new to one another, I don't know if she wants me to tell her what I'm getting out of therapy or to get off the fence and talk more explicitly about my issues...of which one is anger . Thanks for your thoughts and response. I guess I'll try to deal with this statement next week by asking, as you suggested.

No. 1 has said something similar a few times. I think it's a conversational gambit and I don't rise to the bait. It doesn't annoy me (any more than anything else about therapy does, anyway). And I definitely do not think it's critical or indicates unsureness on the therapist's part.

My t has said that, but only in response to me saying something like, "I don't even know why I bother coming anymore." I can't image her bringing it up out of the blue, and if she did, I know I"d interpret it as her not wanting me to come back or something. (that's just what I do) I'd probably just ask. It would eat at me until I knew.

I think your T might be trying to see what you get out of therapy and to see if its helping you.

Ask her out straight what she means by this statement. Tell her it makes you angry!!

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here in my location when this is said by a treatment provider it is usually because a client has stated something like....your not helping...or other statements that are striking out at the treatment provider for not agreeing or not doing something that the client wants them to do...

example one time my therapist said something I didnt want to hear so I struck out at him by saying ....your not helping matters.. and he said to me well you must be getting something out of our sessions because you keep coming back. he was right, even though i struck out at him by being rude and saying he wasnt helping he really was, for if he wasnt why did I keep coming back.

a treatment provider also says this when things are at a stand still and no progress is being made, so the treatment provider just figures there must be a reason why the client keeps coming back, some need is getting met somehow otherwise they would not keep coming back...

example one of my therapists one day said to me ...you must be getting something out of our time together otherwise you wouldnt keep coming back. I look at her and said what? we had been sitting there quietly when she threw that out there so I had no idea what she meant by it. she looked at me and said think about it, why are you here, why did you come last week, why did you come back today, do you have plans to come in next week, if so why. you schedule, you come in on time and here we sit, you looking at the wall, ceiling, floor and I get to watch you watching the walls. But you must be getting something out of this other wise you would not keep scheduling appointments, and keep coming in, right?

she had a point why was I scheduling and coming back just to stare at the walls, what was I getting out of sitting there for an hour watching the walls. after thinking about it I realized what I was getting out of it was time to sit and just be for a bit, even if just being was watching the walls. I was also getting enjoyment out of being in therapy watching the walls because of how her window hangings made colorful shadows on the walls. very calming and comforting.

my point is only you know why you go to therapy and only you know what you want to accomplish by going to therapy. therapists are going to assume your needs are getting met unless you tell them what you need from them and why you are going to therapy.

my suggestion think about why you want or need to be in therapy and whether what is going on in therapy right now for you is accomplishing that goal. if not then time to think about what is it that keeps you going back to therapy. and when in doubt about what your therapist meant...ask them, only they know for sure what they meant by what they said.

I see the statement as a response to something. Did you tell her or was it suggested in session somehow that therapy is not useful? I can imagine a T responding like this if a statement like that was made. She's essentially be asking why you keep coming back if it's not helpful. Most people wouldn't make the effort to go if it there was no reason to go. So in that context I think it's a valid question - a decent t should want to know what a client is or isn't getting out of therapy. If it makes you angry you should definitely say something and ask what she means when she says that.

It just sounds to me like she wants you to think about and state why you come to therapy? We don't do things, especially expensive things, we don't want to do. Why do you want therapy? Why do you show up to see her each week? What are you expecting and what are you getting out of it (companionship? a feeling of safety? better understanding of yourself and others? comfort? attention on yourself only instead of parents or siblings or coworkers, etc.).

My guess? Maybe she's trying to say that she must be helping you more than she thinks you think you are.

I honestly have no patience for that sort of communication style from a therapist. To me it's passive-aggressive and counter-productive. One of the reasons I quit with my last therapist was because her style was similar, and I became fed up with it.

For example, instead of expressing a concern to me, "I'm concerned that you're not making progress in our sessions, how do you feel about this?" or even better, opening up a discussion on how we perceive and define "progress",

Instead she say she hoped I was making progress in an inquisitive tone, to which I would respond that I feel like I have made some. Then she would challenge my response with, "Do you really think so? I'm not so sure." Leaving me awkwardly hanging there, wondering what she expected me to say. So I would try to pick up the pieces and give a few examples as to how I think I might be doing better. To which she abruptly blurted out in an accusatory tone, "Why do you come to therapy?" So I tried to put it into words as best I could, and she just stared at me.

Too many times in the end I just felt like wtf is your deal, lady. Like I didn't understand why we couldn't have a straightforward, open and respectful communication style, why everything had to be so cryptic and oppositional.

So if it were me, I would try asking the therapist straight-up why she made that statement and if it meant anything, see if she is able to calmly and clearly respond. But I personally would not put up with little comments meant to poke at me on a regular basis, as opposed to straightforward and clear communication.

Just from this post, I would think your T is fishing for you to share what you are getting out of sessions and she is trying to gauge how you feel your therapy is going at this point. I think she was just trying to check in with you and not make you angry.

When my T said so.ething along those lines and so much more , it was basically he didnt know how to help me. Also I didn't talk much...he did more work In sessions than I.
At first I was really offended...then I realized my role...if I dont talk how will he know anything....this waass like after 15/+ sessions. I did start talking more n things r better.

That kind of communication style seems so indirect; it would drive me batty. If my therapist wanted to see if I could recognize what gains/insights, etc. I had made in therapy, he would have asked much more directly and probably would have led me through an discussion, maybe even helped me make a list or something, perhaps helped me see what I might be having trouble seeing or putting into words. Your T's approach just seems to vague and I can see why it is confusing to you. I prefer my T's to be direct: say what you mean and mean what you say; don't play games with me.

Sounds a bit self-congratulatory to me

Mine has said I must be getting something out of the sessions because I keep coming back. It's hard to explain. It's like you're starting out on a journey but you're not sure what direction to take or even where to go. After a while you will figure it out. I hope this makes sense for you

Is a reality buster type of statement. But it needs to be seen in context. It's important to connect it with what was being says before.
Put in a stand alone context like that it losses is true meaning and becomes almost like a weapon being used against a client, and not a statement that is actually clearing the fog and being helpful for a client

I don't think the OP has even said if she likes this therapist, which would also put a different cast on things. I read it in light of my own therapist relationship (which is good) and took it at face value--a statement that in my case would be positive, but also leave room for me to affirm or counter. But if the OP has a more antagonistic relationship, and if this comment was in response to her being dissatisfied with therapy, then that's another thing altogether. I mean, if you can't stand someone and they say, well, you keep coming back here, then...yeah, that would piss me off. It's all guessing, though, unless more is known about what was said before and what the relationship is like.

Also...(to the OP) do you want to continue therapy with the person? Is it helping?