"I'm not going anywhere"

That's what my T said today in my individual session (I am also seeing him for couples but not this week). He said he is here with me now before the divorce, and will be here during the divorce and after too. He is not going anywhere. Why does he say stuff that makes me want to hug him? I guess he knows how good it must make me feel. He has such power sometimes to take me when I walk through his door feeling hopeless and dejected and send me on my way feeling warm and loved and strong and happy.

We had a good session, and I told him some stuff that he is doing in couples therapy that is not working for me at all. And we discussed that so he would understand. And he said how healthy it was that we could discuss differences like this and resolve them. I also shared with him that my husband and I had never ever had a fight before (we've been married 20 years, so yeah, we're dysfunctional), so the explosion that happened in T's office at our last couples session was practically intolerable for both me and my husband, and I had wanted to leave. And he said, but you felt safe to be angry here with your husband? And I said yes, it was safe to do that here. We would never do that at home. I sensed that it made him feel good to know he has created that safe space for me here.

Anyway, I feel much more empowered now to continue with couples therapy. I feel ready to keep trying, like I have more courage. I'm not sure how T works his magic, but if I find out, I will bottle it and make a fortune selling it on Ebay.

I am pleased for you Sunrise. I read your other post about your therapy situation yesterday and I was just beside myself with all that you are dealing with. I am glad that you have this T and the confidence that he will be there with you... during the ups and downs and beyond.

I love those words too, sunny. "I'm not going anywhere." and "I'm here."

I'm so glad you're feeling better yourself and feeling better about your couples therapy.

It sounds very difficult what you are going through.

Hugs

ECHOES

Sunrise said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
feeling warm and loved and strong and happy.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Anyway, I feel much more empowered

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Wow, that's phenomenal. The connection between feeling loved and feelng empowered is what we were supposed to experience as chlildren, I think. This is what the therapy is about, claiming our power.

Excellent work Sunny. Good luck wth the next couples session.

Sunrise I'm glad it went so well, I know you didn;t want to go

Tranquility

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SecretGarden said:
I was just beside myself with all that you are dealing with. I am glad that you have this T and the confidence that he will be there with you...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Thank you so much, SG. (((hugs)))

Thanks for your support, ECHOES. Thanks, tranquility.

sister, I hadn't really known before about the connection between love and empowerment. Great insight. Thanks.

Ipse, there are triggers for all of us everywhere, aren't there? Hang in there.

This morning threw me for a loop as I happened to call my lawyer's office about something and found out my husband's lawyer had been doing stuff I wasn't aware of. I was still feeling the therapy glow from the night before and then grrrrr, right back into it. Roller coaster. Hold the center, my T likes to say to me, hold the center. Anyway, had a talk with my husband tonight and sorted it out. Kind of.

You don't know how glad for you I am when I read this, Sunny. And the fact that you are up to the point in therapy in which you can share with your T, methods that are not working, is very significant. I just started doing with this my T-- pointing out when we are not on the same page, or when his approach does not work for me-- and then we work to reach an understanding. Keep up the good (and difficult) work.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
the fact that you are up to the point in therapy in which you can share with your T, methods that are not working, is very significant. I just started doing with this my T--

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I just realized, I think it is the first time I have done that. I guess I thought of him before as always doing everything right, as my sessions were usually so helpful, and I was just a client--what did I know? Pinksoil, do you think this is "significant" because it is some sort of typical milestone people reach in therapy? As part of a progression? And now I am a little further along and can guide my therapy even more?

I think that is a good thing to hear! (I'm not going anywhere.)

As for getting to the point of being able to help the T with what you want to work on or need... that is good too. IMO T's often know where you need to go in therapy, in general. They can't just tell "you" the solutions, but have to lead you to points where you can begin to share and understand and contribute more and more. That shows a good T, to me, that they have been able to lead you to the points where you are!

TC

Thanks, Sky. I think you are right, I do have a good T! I always tell T what it is I want to work on. He has the philosophy that the client knows how best to heal and what to work on in order to heal. The client just has to discover that (with help, of course, if need be). So from the start, I have determined the content of our sessions.

This was different, though, as it was the first time that I told T that certain things he was doing or techniques he was using were not helpful to me. (Well, maybe the second time as I just remembered I did this also a couple of sessions ago!) I think, before, I just didn't know that, or as I said, he seemed to do everything "right" before. Somehow, I am getting better at knowing what techniques are helpful and which are not and what things he says that are counterproductive. Before, I had come to be able to discern what he did that really helped me, but not so much what didn't help me. When I told him the things that were unhelpful, he was so eager to hear them, so open. Not defensive at all, as a know-it-all authority figure might be. I felt so strongly his sense of collaboration and willingness to learn from me how best he could help. And he said things that made me tune my thinking too. It was definitely give and take to find the best way, together. It was simply great.

Heck, now I'm all mooshy with T love again.