Four-and-a-half hours away.

In a little while, I'm gonna head downtown, do some shopping, and then walk over to therapy.

Last week, we ended with talking about that horrifically embarrasing, unnamed transference that I have not gone into detail about. I have only acknowledged that it does exist. I am assuming this is going to come up, and I'm a bit nervous. I'm sort of hoping he will look awful today. Maybe he will be wearing a really stupid outfit and half of his teeth will be missing. And all that transference will go away.

How likely is this?

Not very. I better get ready to talk.

I also want to mentioned to my T, that I have called my pdoc 2x, and gave him 3 different times which would be the best times to call. I have questions about my meds, and I also need to know if another blood test to check my sodium levels is in order. He hasn't called back. I will tell my T that if I die from hyponatremia, to tell doc to check his voicemail. They work in the same office.

I also really want to talk about something that happened in my internship on Wednesday. I have been working on my triggers and countertransference issues in the affective disorder unit. However, something occurred on Wednesday that was extremely overwhelming for me. One of the patients experienced a dissociative flashback during music therapy. She began to scratch up her arm with her fingernails really, really hard and slowly. Thank God I had another therapist in the room with me, as it is only my 4th week there. Anyway, it was so %#@&#! hard for me to watch. I obviously have my own problems with SI (but I haven't SI'ed since I started my internship--whoohoo)... but sit there, and watch someone else do it was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. We focused on keeping her safe, stop scratching, letting her re-experience her trauma... found out she was triggered by the music we were playing, turned it off, and she came back to reality soon after. I fought back my tears so hard. I didn't let them come.

I have a lot to talk about with him today.

[MissCharlotte]

Pinksoil said:

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I am assuming this is going to come up, and I'm a bit nervous.

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I can understand why you would be nervous. You are incredibly brave for tackling this issue in the first place! But I think the hard part is over, mentioning it the first time. Now, if it comes up, it will be in a different context, one that is explanatory in nature, I suppose. Besides, your T sounds like he really cares and so he probably won't do/say anything to embarrass you! You go girl!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
but I haven't SI'ed since I started my internship--whoohoo

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That's really good news Pink. What you did for your patient this week was phenomenal. You helped her to stay safe. The transfer in this instance must have been so difficult to manage, but you did it!

Good job, T! Take gentle care.

[SecretGarden]

Well I hope you did not buy much on your shopping excursion...lol... just HAD to say that.

I just know that your T was looking fine, with earring this evening. Good luck with that.

I am sure that seeing the SI that you saw would be powerful for anyone experiencing that really. I am sure that the personal associations would make it difficult but truly I believe over time that your experiences will benefit your empathy and therapeutic skills.

I hope you had a good session this evening.