[Lemonpledge]

My new T who is a woman that specializes in substance abuse and trauma. Which I don't have. What I do have is lots and lots of obsessions. I had my first session with her 2 weeks ago and I don't care for her. She was 30 minutes late and with my OCD she just messed me up for the whole day. I know I can't go back to my old t and really don't care to but I don't want to continue with her how do I say that to her?
There are plenty of things I don't like about her, I also don't like her office, it is messy and smelly. I wanted to clean and that's all I could think of. I like clean and it isn't healthy for me to be in that messy office when all I can think about is what her office would look like if it were clean.

So I was "messed" up before now not only am I starting over, I don't like my t. I figured that should be important.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Lemonpledge

My new T who is a woman that specializes in substance abuse and trauma. Which I don't have. What I do have is lots and lots of obsessions. I had my first session with her 2 weeks ago and I don't care for her. She was 30 minutes late and with my OCD she just messed me up for the whole day. I know I can't go back to my old t and really don't care to but I don't want to continue with her how do I say that to her?
There are plenty of things I don't like about her, I also don't like her office, it is messy and smelly. I wanted to clean and that's all I could think of. I like clean and it isn't healthy for me to be in that messy office when all I can think about is what her office would look like if it were clean.

So I was "messed" up before now not only am I starting over, I don't like my t. I figured that should be important.

UGH! I suppose you could tell her just what you have told us above -- the 30 minute late start (that would piss me off too!) turned you off, and the fact that you can't concentrate on your own self because you need to be in a clean environment. You could also just tell her you need to find a therapist that specializes in OCD, and that that isn't her.

[AllHeart]

........

Some people might disagree with me but I don't think you have to explain ANYTHING to her. You had one session with her. You didn't like her. That's perfectly okay! I've interviewed many many therapists and usually knew within the first twenty minutes whether or not I was going to return. With some, I didn't realize it until I went to three or four sessions. Once I decided the therapist wasn't someone I wanted to work with, I simply called and cancelled the session or in some cases, when they were fine with email, I would cancel through email and say that I'd decided not to continue with therapy--of course, I rarely said, "I decided not to continue with therapy with you."

Personally, I don't think I need to use my precious money for a session to tell someone that things weren't working out or didn't find them helpful. Much too expensive! Life is short and I figure that kind of session is a waste of my valuable time, and it is also a waste of their time too because he/she can spend that session booking someone else so they can hopefully find a long term client. I often feel that the whole "proper termination" protocol is ridiculous! Of course, if you feel obligated to go in and tell her she isn't a good match for you, then make the appointment and go in and tell her. Trust me, she isn't going to hear anything she hasn't heard before. Clients quit therapy OFTEN! Good luck with whatever you decide and even more importantly, good luck finding the right therapist for you.

[laxer12]

I agree with Jaybird, you don't have to explain yourself at all! You can give her a call and let her know or email if that is an option. She's working for you so no explanation is necessary. I'm sure all T's have had people who did not continue after one session.

[ChipperMonkey]

Call and cancel your next appointment. No explanation necessary.

I hope you can find a more compatible T!

[LonesomeTonight]

I would just leave a voicemail canceling and saying you decided that she isn't a good fit for you and that you want someone who specializes in OCD. I agree that there's no point in having another full session if you already know you don't want to go back.

I hope you can find a T that you like (and whose office isn't triggering for you).

[Lemonpledge]

The place that I go for therapy has many many therapists. So what I might do is go in and tell her how I feel then ask her if she can refer me to someone else. I go and stay at the same center because my psychiatrist that prescribes my meds is there and I actually like her. I wish she also talked on a regular basis but she just dishes out meds it's the only woman I have ever felt comfortable talking to. I trusted her from day one. I went through a lot of therapists before I found My previous T Matt(not sure if that's allowed)
And even then it took time to open up and be comfortable with him and even though I felt he was a "crazy maker" he was good with obsessions and I hope I can find a nice T and feel like I did with him.
Even feeling comfortable I had stomach pains and my anxiety levels went into over drive. Times that by 200 with someone new and not really liking them. I almost passed out waiting for her.

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[skeksi]

If you're interested in finding a T at the same practice where your psychiatrist works, why not ask her for a referral? She might have an idea of who could be a good fit.

[Lemonpledge]

She suggested Matt 😕

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[Favorite Jeans]

I have a few thoughts in no particular order:

1) you can just call and tell her it didn't feel like the right fit for you.

2) I don't really understand why you want to find a therapist at the same centre just because your psychiatrist happens to be there. It seems like an unnecessarily limiting strategy.

3) the feel of the physical space matters a lot to me too. I am by no means a neat freak but I totally get what you mean about not wanting to see a T with a messy or smelly office. My son had a pschoeducational assessment recently and that psychologist's office was cluttered and ugly (my son said it smelled like feet and farts) and I found it very uninviting. My couples T's office is fairly cluttered though not messy or smelly and even that feels a bit oppressive.

[Lemonpledge]

The only reason I need to stay at the same center and it not just being my psychiatrist is my insurance doesn't pay any where else.

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[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Lemonpledge

The only reason I need to stay at the same center and it not just being my psychiatrist is my insurance doesn't pay any where else.

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Ah, that makes sense. Does the center have a website that has T's bios on it? If so, check that out. (The practice where my T, marriage counselor, and p-doc work has one.) And with your p-doc, does she know what happened with Matt, at least that you're not seeing him anymore? You could ask her to suggest someone else there, or at least ask who else is more skilled with OCD.

[Lemonpledge]

They don't have bios on there I checked and yes I told her about Matt and what happened she said have your visit with Amy and if you don't click ask her to tell Matt I'd like to stay with him.

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[Lemonpledge]

So I went today and boy is she bossy. She tells you what to do. She also told me she doesn't respond to emails. She's not for me and I told her. I don't know what to do. Doesn't respond to emails?! I don't like that. I want to scream because I don't know what to do. I tell her and I have to give her a chance? I don't think so. After 2 hours with her that's chance enough. I just can't see myself sharing my deepest darkest secrets with her.

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[stopdog]

I would think it good to know so quickly that this one will not work.

[Lemonpledge]

Same here and now I don't know what to do she wants me to stay with her.

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[stopdog]

I would not think it would matter to me what the therapist wanted if I did not want to keep using them.

[Lemonpledge]

I don't want to stay. I'm going to call old T and ask him if they have another male therapist in the office. That I don't care for the one I'm seeing.

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[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Lemonpledge

Same here and now I don't know what to do she wants me to stay with her.

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Therapy is 100% about you and your needs. I know it's a pain and is stressful, but keep looking for a T that best suit you.

[Lemonpledge]

I wrote this to my new T

Dear New T

I know you don't respond to emails. I have to be honest with you.* I don't at all feel comfortable talking with you.**
After a visit I shouldn't feel like I want to go home and clean everything in sight.**
It isn't just the talking but I also feel uncomfortable just being in your office.* It is cluttered and seems very small and musty. I'm so anxious that I can't wait to leave and that's not a good feeling. Just all around I don't feel comfortable.

I know I emailed you and told you stuff I hadn't told anyone not even M but I did it because I was upset.* I know that sounds silly but it's true.* If I could take it back I would.**
I also don't like that you don't respond to emails.* Not even an acknowledgement of reading it.**
I'm not really sure what to do.*

I am just going to say, I told M I didn't feel comfortable with a woman therapist and he forced me into it without any say.*
The day I decide to see a woman therapist is the day I should decide to do that, not someone forcing me to do it.* That doesn't help, it just makes things worse.*
As I told(emailed) M I spoke to N about switching to you and she told me to give you a try and if I didn't feel comfortable, to then go back to M.* I know that will probably never happen. I can't say I'm Okay with that and the reason why I say that is because I had gone through 15 therapist (you make 16) before finding him. I knew my second visit he could be of great benefit to helping me with my OCD and anxiety and was helping me a great deal.* I took big steps with him and now I feel I am being pulled backwards and all the work and everything I have accomplished with him has been thrown down the drain.*
It took me six months to feel comfortable telling him everything. I trust him and that's a big deal for me to say* because that doesn't happen very often.*
One of my sessions with M,* he had upset me a great deal by something he said. Normally while thinking about it,* I would clean like no tomorrow, but I didn't. I left the house and went to Walmart at 2 in the morning.* And since that day,* whenever I felt upset or angry etc I did constructive things instead of cleaning and yes all because of M
I am really dumbfounded as to why he said he could not help me when he was, in fact more than anyone has ever helped me.*
Things have to be worked on one day at a time.* It took years to be where I am and it isn't going to get better over night.* If I have to keep looking for a therapist,* I will never get any where.**
Honestly,* yes I would like to have M back as my therapist. Reality,* probably not going to happen.

Just try and put yourself into my shoes for a minute.*
If your therapist "dumped" (metaphor) you after 8 months you would probably feel like nothing matters anymore and you wouldn't want to start over everything you have already accomplished. If I didn't feel he was helping me,* I would have left. Last month,* I have just felt like giving it all up,* because honestly, the thought of looking for another therapist scares me.*

I won't lie,* I like M,I feel comfortable with him and I feel I can be open to the fullest with him but that's as far as my feelings for him go, nothing more.

I don't know if there is another male therapist there. If there is maybe I could give him a shot.* Or just another woman and see how that goes,* but honestly I would prefer a man.*

I would just be cheating myself if I continued therapy with you and pretended everything was okay when it is not.*

I could keep my appointment with you to talk about this email,* however something really does need to be done.*
Thank you
RR

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[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Lemonpledge

I wrote this to my new T

Dear New T

I know you don't respond to emails. I have to be honest with you.* I don't at all feel comfortable talking with you.**
After a visit I shouldn't feel like I want to go home and clean everything in sight.**
It isn't just the talking but I also feel uncomfortable just being in your office.* It is cluttered and seems very small and musty. I'm so anxious that I can't wait to leave and that's not a good feeling. Just all around I don't feel comfortable.

I know I emailed you and told you stuff I hadn't told anyone not even M but I did it because I was upset.* I know that sounds silly but it's true.* If I could take it back I would.**
I also don't like that you don't respond to emails.* Not even an acknowledgement of reading it.**
I'm not really sure what to do.*

I am just going to say, I told M I didn't feel comfortable with a woman therapist and he forced me into it without any say.*
The day I decide to see a woman therapist is the day I should decide to do that, not someone forcing me to do it.* That doesn't help, it just makes things worse.*
As I told(emailed) M I spoke to N about switching to you and she told me to give you a try and if I didn't feel comfortable, to then go back to M.* I know that will probably never happen. I can't say I'm Okay with that and the reason why I say that is because I had gone through 15 therapist (you make 16) before finding him. I knew my second visit he could be of great benefit to helping me with my OCD and anxiety and was helping me a great deal.* I took big steps with him and now I feel I am being pulled backwards and all the work and everything I have accomplished with him has been thrown down the drain.*
It took me six months to feel comfortable telling him everything. I trust him and that's a big deal for me to say* because that doesn't happen very often.*
One of my sessions with M,* he had upset me a great deal by something he said. Normally while thinking about it,* I would clean like no tomorrow, but I didn't. I left the house and went to Walmart at 2 in the morning.* And since that day,* whenever I felt upset or angry etc I did constructive things instead of cleaning and yes all because of M
I am really dumbfounded as to why he said he could not help me when he was, in fact more than anyone has ever helped me.*
Things have to be worked on one day at a time.* It took years to be where I am and it isn't going to get better over night.* If I have to keep looking for a therapist,* I will never get any where.**
Honestly,* yes I would like to have M back as my therapist. Reality,* probably not going to happen.

Just try and put yourself into my shoes for a minute.*
If your therapist "dumped" (metaphor) you after 8 months you would probably feel like nothing matters anymore and you wouldn't want to start over everything you have already accomplished. If I didn't feel he was helping me,* I would have left. Last month,* I have just felt like giving it all up,* because honestly, the thought of looking for another therapist scares me.*

I won't lie,* I like M,I feel comfortable with him and I feel I can be open to the fullest with him but that's as far as my feelings for him go, nothing more.

I don't know if there is another male therapist there. If there is maybe I could give him a shot.* Or just another woman and see how that goes,* but honestly I would prefer a man.*

I would just be cheating myself if I continued therapy with you and pretended everything was okay when it is not.*

I could keep my appointment with you to talk about this email,* however something really does need to be done.*
Thank you
RR

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This is a good e-mail--have you sent it to your T?

I also wonder if it could help to send this to M, too--maybe he'd understand more about what happened there and want to help you again? Could be worth a shot, I don't know...

[Lemonpledge]

I did send to new t and I sent one to m just worded it to him. I don't even know if m would read it. I almost thought about calling his vm and reading it so he would have to listen but I don't know

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[Lemonpledge]

Oh my new t is a supervising t so she might also say something to him.

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[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Lemonpledge

Oh my new t is a supervising t so she might also say something to him.

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You mean she's supervising Matt? Huh.

I hope you hear something back from one or both of them...