My therapist face palms while I talk

Often when I am depressed it is hard to make eye contact with people. So I look away from the therapist while I talk. Many times when I look back, I catch my therapist yawning. Last session I caught her face palming in frustrated exasperation. When she sees me look at her, she always tries to act very interested in what I'm saying, but obviously she can't stand to listen to me.

I know I am boring, and I know that it must be frustrating for her because I don't make progress. I have been thinking about discontinuing therapy. I am 49, so I have a thick skin, but I no longer look forward to the sessions and apparently the therapist is frustrated. Maybe the therapist wants the money, but I suspect she has given up on improving me. If she has given up, then probably there is little chance of me gaining from the therapy now.

So it seems to me that I should stop therapy. I don't know if I should try a different therapist or try some self-help books and so forth. Any advice? I am very depressed lately, so I worry if my analysis is distorted.

I would simply confront the therapist and ask what she was doing. I also believe in checking out a lot of them so I would also make some appointments with other ones of their ilk to see if it seemed better with any one else.

I've yawned in important meetings due to lack of sleep. But to face palm?!?

Id find a new therapist

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I think if it were me I would confront her about it before I moved on. I am one of those "highly sensitive" people who is always reading into things, and so like you I would worry that my analysis of her body language was distorted. Another thing to consider is that maybe her frustration has less to do with you personally, and more to do with her being tired or having a bad day in general.

But I think you should definitely talk to her about it because even if it's not about you personally, that does sound rude on her part. Perhaps she doesn't even realize she's doing it, and if all her clients see her acting like this and feel the same way, I would think she would want to know and try to make an effort to seem more attentive.

Could you say something like, "I see you yawning and face-palming when I am not looking, and that hurts me. It makes me think you aren't interested in what I'm saying and that you've given up on helping me."

I think if she reacts badly to that, then maybe it is time to move on to a new T.

Why lay the blame at your doorstep?
Even if you are 'boring', the T should still listen. The actions are her responsibility. That's not the actions of a professional.
We cam all be boring at times. So what.
Why not take the initiative and find a skilled professional.

Like others have said, I'd have a talk to her and let her know your concerns about how you feel she is disinterested.

I know yawning is a goofy thing with some people and your t might not even be aware she is yawning a lot. Some say yawning is a way of expressing emotion. I've also heard people tend to yawn more when they have sinus congestion. As for the face-palming, perhaps your t had a headache and face-palmed because of the pain. I'm no expert in yawning (or anything else for that matter!) but what I'm getting at is there are plenty of potentially valid reasons your t may have face-palmed and is a chronic yawner. It might not be you. It would be a good idea to let your t know how this makes you feel and to discuss to get to the bottom of it.

You state you are very depressed so if you find any relief in going to therapy at all, you should consider continuing on with therapy be it with a new or current t. You mention you feel you aren't making any progress, so maybe you'd welcome fresh perspectives and support from a new t. I don't know. Just make sure you have good support in some fashion before dropping therapy altogether because you do not want your depression to get worse.

Thanks, all I don't feel confident enough to confront the therapist about her yawning and face palming. She probably has every right to feel frustrated and bored, because she says I don't follow her suggestions. She wants me to take antidepressants and other random ideas. I try to do some things, but other things seem unrealistic to me.

She is a good therapist, but I think I am a frustrating case due to being old and inflexible in my habits and thinking.

I think I will stop seeing her, because it makes me happy whenever I think about putting an end to it. I don't know if I should try another therapist or not. I saw a therapist several years ago and nothing was accomplished then either.

I can't believe your therapist is yawning an face-palming. How ****ing rude and unprofessional. This is her job: to listen to you and she doesn't get to grow bored.
I would switch therapists but I would first confront her, as others have said.

I would think if the thought of quitting makes you happy, it is something to try. One can always go back to therapy again if one wants

The problem is that you are assuming that your interpretation of her yawning is boredom and that your interpretation is correct. Without directly asking her, you are attempting to mind-read which is fraught with potential for misinterpretation and misunderstanding. Take this as an opportunity to try to communicate honestly about something that is bothering you. You don't have to do it confrontationally; you can simply ask something like "Sometimes I see you yawn or do this gesture, and I interpret that as boredom or frustration. I am wondering if how I am seeing things is really what is going on or not."

Grown-ups the world over know that face-palming and yawning are taken as signs of a person's frustration and boredom, whether or not they are the result of it. I'd be insulted in any one-on-one meeting in which the other person did that and never explained or apologized for it. Even if a person actually is bored, when showing the signs of boredom it's still common courtesy to make some acknowledgement to others one way or the other.

The way you've described how obvious and consistent it is though, x123, I'd almost wonder if it's a bit of a passive-aggressive power trip on your therapist's part. At the very least it's inconsiderate. Perhaps a good approach would be to express concern for their health, i.e. "You know you yawn an awful lot during our sessions. A sensitive person could take it that you're bored. Do you get enough sleep?" You might be helping them out, if in fact they are somehow completely oblivious to the fact that consistent yawning and facepalming without apology can be unkind physical expressions.

I guess I can think some more. Maybe I will try one more session and tell her at the beginning that I'm not getting anything out of the sessions anymore and don't want to continue. IDK I don't really want to get into criticizing her yawning and face palming. I figure the therapist is just a person, and she probably doesn't know what to try. I feel like she quibbles and tries to tell me things about my situation that aren't accurate. I think she is just frustrated and trying to shake up the status quo in hopes that something good might happen? Maybe I will just cancel the last session and not even go. I really have never made any progress, but at least I could talk to somebody about my situation and get some encouragement. Now it is just quibbling and watching her face palm and yawn when she thinks I'm not looking.

You say, "at least I could talk to somebody about my situation and get some encouragement" so maybe you really are getting something out of the sessions. I would hope that at least warrants a discussion with your T about the yawns and face palm. Again, some people have a yawning problem and do not even realize it. I used to be one of those people. And IDK if the face palm thing was just a one time deal or if it happens often. If it happens often, that would be very concerning. It just seems to me that it would be worth asking your T what is going on rather than just giving up altogether. I wish you well with whatever you decide to do.

When you say face-palming, do you literally mean she is taking her hand hitting herself against the face, or do you mean she is often resting her head in the palm of her hand, kind of supporting it wit her hand.

The two of these, two me, are a world of difference. Some people have a heck of a difficult time staying awake when seated and that may be the case. If she is actually doing the "face palm" when you're talking to her on the other hand, I think that is very disrespectful.

Yawning is involuntary, so I could maybe give a pass on that. (Although I probably wouldn't.) Face palm is the physical equivalent of saying 'oh for ****'s sake'. It's not a therapeutic thing to do. It's an incredibly rude thing to do. Does your therapist also scratch her nose with her middle finger? Honestly, almost the same thing.

I would call someone out who disrespected me, my time and my money that way, but that's just me.

Your therapist is really rude. She can feel however she feels, but to face palm in session is beyond disrespectful. I wonder if confronting your T about how obnoxious she is may actually be therapeutic for you, since you are so uncomfortable with the idea. Therapy is a great place to practice this kind of stuff. Otherwise, maybe you should consider taking some time off from therapy. If the idea of not going makes you happy, then maybe you should follow your instincts.

Call me crazy, but I think 'being able to stay awake without visibly supporting one's head with one's limbs' should be a basic requirement of being a therapist. I might be a demanding sort, but I don't think full consciousness is too much to ask of a therapist.

Yes this ^^^^^

Very well put and I totally agree

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Even if you ultimately decide to leave her no matter what, I think confronting her on this issue would be extremely therapeutic for you and is a great opportunity to grow. I also struggle to confront people and basically stand up for myself. If you really are afraid to then you can always bring it up as if it is your issue... Best explained by example "I'm finding it hard to talk. Sometimes I worry I am boring, I feel that way with you too. Sometimes I even think I see you yawning and face palming. I feel so boring and being worried I'm awful to talk to makes it worse"... (Pause for her response.) I've been able to bring up a lot of stuff in therapy by just always framing it as my issue, even when it really is my therapists issue. Progress not perfection!

And certainly those are reasonable preferences. Just trying to get a feel for whether there may be other explanations, which may or may not help the original poster.

I googled images of face palms and here is the closest approximation. Her head was tilted back instead of tilted forward. Otherwise this is very close.
https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images.../facepalm1.jpg

No way! That's straight up disrespectful. She needs to be called out on that. That is not okay.

Well, I have that affect on people quite often LOL. I don't blame her for a normal human reaction to listening to boring me droning on and on week after week with no improvement.

My main thought is this: she is frustrated, because she has run out of ideas. I'm wasting my time and money, because the therapist is out of ideas.

The session before this last session ended 15 minutes early. This most recent session ended with her saying "we can end this session if you will just say 'yes' (to whatever we were quibbling about)". The more I think about this, it seems obvious that the therapist is only going through the motions.

I don't care if you go in there every session and read from the telephone book in a monotone. I don't care if you're the most tedious person who ever lived, somehow outclassing all others with the sheer monotony of your conversation. You deserve more respect than that.

I do agree though, that this therapist is not equipped and you'd be better off somewhere else. Not because of you, but because of her. I would have verbally torn into someone who showed me that kind of disrespect. She would have face-palmed but once.

Although I can understand just wanting to cut your losses and not get into it with this woman. No point paying her more money to fail to serve you. Maybe put it in an email if you ever want to get it off your chest. Those tend to be free.

When a therapist feels they can no longer help a client the ethical thing to do is be honest and refer the client on, not to sit there facepalming like some kind of moronic sitcom character. She is wasting your time and money and not behaving ethically.
My T says human beings are intrinsically interesting, so if you are bored by what they are saying, you must look at what they're not saying. (but is apparent through other cues). She's not doing her job if she is being inattentive.
I definitely think you should cut your losses, but like Skyscraper says, I'd be very tempted to call her on it, at least via email!
Do what's best for you though.