a strange reaction (mine)

Last session, as we were wrapping up, my Therapist informed me that she would be out of town next week but if anything came up and I needed a phone session, I could call her.

I thought that was nice. I understood the sentiment but for some reason, I sort of snorted and laughed - self-depreciatingly. It was small but curious reaction. I don't know why I did that. I hope I said 'thank you' somewhere in there. In my head I guess I was thinking something along the effect of like, 'Yeah, I'm gonna bother you while you're on vacation.'

It was a kind offer, I think and I'm sorry that I reacted by kind of laughing it off.

God I feel like a brat sometimes.

I wouldn't overthink it too much, it was an in the moment reaction and it doesn't sound like you acted ungratefully. It might be good to talk to T next time about your reaction and how you felt afterwards. Perhaps it relates to an underlying anxiety about T being away?

This is so something I would do. T once said to me that I could call her if I ever needed to and I practically shouted 'I wont!' (need to) at her. I felt that I needed to stamp out the idea that I might need extra support or something. I hope she didn't take it to be as rude as it sounds now...

I don't think you're a brat at all. I bet your T doesn't either.

Laughter covers other emotions. Possibly a slight tremor of anxiety at being offered something nice? Or a bit of vulnerability? Or a wee touch of awkwardness (the same way some people laugh off compliments) or who knows.

Before I had my own pony, a girl I didn't really know very well offered me the use of hers for Pony Club. I was so excited I reacted by giggling, and the offer fizzled out. I truly was not laughing scornfully at her pony, just from pure excitement. But we were twelve years old and neither of us had the emotional maturity to work out exactly what had gone wrong in the communication.

Your therapist has loads of training, they will 'get' it.

Sounds a bit self-protective maybe in light of your therapist being away? I wouldn't worry too much about it.

I always say "Yay!" when my t announces a vacation. It slips out before i can catch it. He does not take it well. Imo hes a workaholic. I tell him its just transference but...!

If it makes you feel better at the end of a tough session instead of saying goodbye I once said 'can I have a hug?' Totally didn't mean to, I froze on the spot in shock and embarassment. I think sometimes once the session is technically over you (and your defenses) sort of relax in almost relief it's over, that's when things can slip out

My T once asked how I felt about him going on vacation. I said, "what do I care?" But I am pretty sure he knows I actually meant something like, "I'll miss you."

I wouldn't worry about you reaction. Your T knows you well and knows your reactions and won't be taking offense.

You had a good insight, WNP, so I hope that provides some compensation for your embarrassment.