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#1
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So what I mean by dismissed is the way we ended our session. It ended with a serious, slightly annoyed " it's time to go, 1step". Now I get that to some it wouldn't be a big deal. But we NEVER end like that. When she reminds me that our time is up its always " I have to let you go now" in a very calm nice manner or a warm " we have to stop now". But the look on her face and her serious tone made me extremely uncomfortable, I felt dismissed and disrespected. I should back up a bit and say there was no confrontation or conflict between us during my session. I did discuss my ex,that I'm thinking about getting together with her and I know my T doesn't think it would be kind to my ex because her feelings are still very deep. My T looked at the time 2x. I asked her at the end if she was bored... I don't think she liked that. My T has always told me to be as open and honest with her as I could, so that's exactly what I did . It was right after that when she told me very bluntly "it's time to go, -----".
I emailed her, explained that what she said felt very dismissive and made me uncomfortable and that although my childhood experiences may have influenced my reaction, I felt that because she has never spoken to me like that I had a negative reaction. Has anyone gone through an experience similar to this?
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
![]() AnaWhitney, Anonymous37831, BudFox, CantExplain, Cinnamon_Stick, Daisymay, Fuzzybear, Inner_Firefly
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#2
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I haven't. But I can understand how it would hurt.
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![]() 1stepatatime
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#3
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I think in that moment I felt super uncomfortable , maybe a little embarrassed. My feelings are more anger than hurt, although I'm sure it's intertwined with the anger. It's kind of like I want to say" f*** you,T". Who knows maybe that's why she did it... to piss me off. At times I feel like therapy is a big mind f***!!
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
![]() Inner_Firefly
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![]() Fuzzybear
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#4
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I can really hear your hurt and anger 1step (hug).
I would feel dismissed and hurt too, I am curious to know how your t will respond. Your past may have influenced your feelings but she still dismissed you in a hurtful way. It's hard to know what was going on for your t that day, perhaps your session ran over time and she had another client waiting or perhaps she was tired and stressed, either way it was your time and speaking to you like that when you are paying her is highly disrespectful. I hope that she understands how you feel and encourages you to express how you feel and to get those f*** yous out. I think it would be very therapeutic ![]() Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
![]() 1stepatatime, Inner_Firefly
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#5
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Even if your childhood had been all jelly beans, bouncy castles and never ending nurturing care, telling someone 'It's time to go, Bob' in curt tones is rude. Sometimes I think therapy clients are overly encouraged to relate their responses to trauma, when it has nothing to do with that. Sometimes a stick is a stick and a rude way to end a session is a rude way to end a session.
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![]() 1stepatatime, Daisymay, DechanDawa, Favorite Jeans, Inner_Firefly, missbella
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#6
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I think sometimes, I am extra-sensitive to my therapist's tone and words when I have just been vulnerable and opened myself up. When I talk to my t about it, he can hardly registered with him because when he was ending therapy with me, he was ready to go. My t has always been very apologetic and has promised, and kept his promise, to be more attuned to closing the session..
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![]() 1stepatatime
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#7
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I think your T was rude and dismissive and I don't understand why. Maybe she didn't like you asking if she was bored
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![]() 1stepatatime
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#8
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I'm sorry that happened and I would be hurt too. I'm glad you emailed her about it and i hope you can talk about it usefully. oh and even if she didn't like you asking if she was bored, she should not have reacted that way - t's are supposed to keep 'their stuff' out of our sessions.
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![]() 1stepatatime, Fuzzybear
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#9
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Ouch. Sorry that happened to you.
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![]() 1stepatatime
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#10
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I think I would have told the woman she does not get to dismiss me.
__________________
Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
![]() 1stepatatime, AnaWhitney, Ellahmae
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#11
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Quote:
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
#12
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Quote:
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
#13
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Quote:
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
#14
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That's right, I should have... Of course I never think of the perfect thing to say in that moment 🤔
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
#15
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I am sorry about your experience and I can relate to this feelings, they run very deep inside and come from a very young place. Oh **** "I have done something wrong" or similar and it gives us a message we want to be treated soft with compassion.
I have experienced very painfully that therapist are only humans and sometimes are snappy in what they say. Fo instance my therapist (psychodynamic) would never say sorry for such behaviour instead she would listening and want to know where the feelings are coming from. |
![]() 1stepatatime
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#16
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Quote:
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
#17
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Seems like incidents like this are a test of the relationship's legitimacy. Either small ruptures are confronted directly and honestly and repaired, or they start piling up and trust deteriorates. No response to the email would fill me with doubt.
That's a pretty shaming thing she said. Hopefully she owns up to it. Good luck. |
![]() 1stepatatime
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#18
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Quote:
Yes, I do agree with you that her comment about leaving was dismissive. I truly hope you're able to bring it up with her and talk about how it felt to you when she said them. I feel in those situations that the therapist's response to your comment/criticism is very telling about how strong they are as a therapist. If they are unable to accept and hear what you have to say, then I believe that they are struggling as a therapist. They have no real understanding or grasp of recognizing their own vulnerability in the therapeutic relationship. Their ego gets in the way of your healing. I hope she was just having an off day. |
![]() 1stepatatime, BudFox
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#19
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Quote:
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
![]() BudFox
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#20
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Quote:
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
#21
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Quote:
Many hugs I know and can relate how much this hurts Last edited by NYC78; Nov 22, 2015 at 04:12 AM. |
![]() 1stepatatime
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#22
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Quote:
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
![]() Anonymous35113
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#23
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Seems self awareness and humility are prerequisites for being a T. WIthout those qualities, the whole thing is a farce. |
![]() 1stepatatime, PinkFlamingo99
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#24
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Quote:
__________________
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
![]() BudFox
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#25
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BudFox had an excellent response.
Personally, as a nurse I can tell you we are human. Somtimes patients get on our nerves. We cannot be robots. Yes we should check our feelings at the door, but sometimes that is hard. I also find apologies to be unnecessary as much as people want them. The future actions of the therapist will determine where this came from. I tell my children to pick their battles. I can tell that this has bothered you very much, and that is unfortunate. I can say my therapist always seemed bored, and it turned out that he was on antidepressant medication that made him very tired. He really wasn't bored. Maybe your therapist has something serious going on that just was impossible to put aside. No matter if it is a therapist or not, everyone has their own struggles. It is a sign of growing from therapy when you are able to show empathy for others struggles and expect less than perfection. I used to be an educator at a community college. I enjoyed it very much, but the scrutiny you face from students can be overwhelming. They analyze everything you do from what you wear to if you wash your hands long enough. I found it to be too much at times. I just wanted to be helpful to their learning, but I had to remember I was a role model. I guess I am rambling with my own experience, but I am just trying to say we are all human. You deserve to be treated with respect, and I don't want you to think I dismiss your concerns. However, I just think that maybe you need to step back. |
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