[AnxiousGirl]

So much for thinking my sessions were getting better after a great one last week... I had another appointment today and I shut down completely. My T asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about, there was, I said no. Then my T asked how school was and if I was worried about anything, I was A LOT, and I said no. So the whole sessions we did something else because I was too much of a wimp to bring up what was really on my mind and how much it hurt me over the last week. Between my next T visit I have 4 exams. I wanted to talk about everything that was going on but again I shut down. I just feel like a complete idiot. Sometimes I would go and wait for my session and hear such a structured and open conversation happening between T's and their clients and here I am not able to say what I'm thinking almost 97% of the time. Last session I opened up more so I thought that's it im good now, boy was I wrong..
I have the option of emailing T but I'm sick and tired of resorting to that. I dont know what else to do. Sorry if this made no sense or had no point to it but I just need some opinions I guess. (I'm 20 if age matters at all or not).

Thanks!

[ChavInAHat]

Maybe emailing would be good because you can ask that they talk about what is in the emails as a way of starting the conversation.

It is how I do it with my T, I'm not very good at saying exactly what I'm thinking, and so I just talk about the froth at the very top of a glass filled with things I need to discuss at some point.

Which is why we started the email thing.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So sorry, AnxiousGirl. I can totally relate. I thought things were going well and then I clammed up again. I wanted to talk so badly, but I just couldn't. I think it's a good idea to email T. You don't have to go into detail - maybe just list things you want to talk about. Then T can help guide the conversation and you won't feel so much pressure.

[Ellahmae]

I think the email is a great thing for you to have access to and I'm sure she appreciates knowing where you are and how you're feeling. She knows of your struggles to speak and so you emailing her is a benefit to you and your therapy so she knows how to help you.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for the suggestions. The reason I dont want to email anymore is because I feel so stupid for doing that. The whole point of therapy is to go into the session and talk, not to keep everything in then email T afterwards... I feel like im the only client who does that and it makes me feel so dumb.

[Ellahmae]

There are a lot of things I can't talk about in session so I contact my T during the week. I'm sure you're not the only one to contact your T and I hope that you can continue to reach out to her via email so she can help you.

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks for the suggestions. The reason I dont want to email anymore is because I feel so stupid for doing that. The whole point of therapy is to go into the session and talk, not to keep everything in then email T afterwards... I feel like im the only client who does that and it makes me feel so dumb.

[AnaWhitney]

Hi AnxiousGirl, I have had this problem too at times. I have never e-mailed T but what I have done is take a pen and paper an hour or so before my session and write down a few points to bring up. Or if I've done some journaling already during the week, I take it out and have a read over it and try and summarize it. That way when I freeze up or get stuck I just take it out and remind myself. And if I'm very stuck I go back to the longer pieces of writing while T waits patiently. Sometimes I even start the session with the page under my nose. At least then I am still in control of how much I bring up. Whereas with emails, that is taken away once you click send.
Don't worry about the structured conversations you hear between Ts and clients while you wait. Like you said, you are only 20. I am 5 years older than you and only just learning how to handle myself. I would not have had the strength to be in therapy 5 years ago so give yourself some credit. The important thing is you are trying to push through this problem and you will get there.
Oh and I have also got frustrated with having to depend on my journal and I've even refused to take it out at times. But I think knowing that the option is there is re-assuring and it stops me from freezing and thinking the session is doomed

[dj315]

I can relate to this so much. I've noticed a pattern that any really totally awesome session is usually followed by one that is me sitting there all clammed up with a million things to say but not being able to say a single one. Don't worry about comparing yourself to other clients. I tend to fall into that trap of thinking "Oh, I can barely get anything out and I'm sure none of his other clients deal with that and can have a conversation at ease". I've also opened up to him at basically a snail's pace. I don't think any of that matters though, so don't fall into that trap too

I don't know if this applies to you, but I know because of my anxiety and inability to feel emotions in front of people, I've had to learn to be kind to myself and realize that the way I react every week is going to be different and pretty much out of my control and to not beat myself up for the whole "1 step forward, 2 steps back" thing that seems to be the story of my therapy experience. It seems that progress happens when it wants to happen.

I'm like you and I hate relying on email, so I've started taking in notes, whether it's my journal or if it's written on my phone. I literally just say, "I've written down something" and he patiently waits for me to spit it out. Sometimes it's really awkward because I really don't want to, but I don't think I've ever regretted it. I've both read word-for-word things that I've written and used my "notes" and thoughts as just a guideline or way to get a conversation started. It really helps to just bring something like that in and say that you've written something down. It helps me to just jump right in there because if I give myself too much of a chance to think about it, I'll talk myself out of doing it.

Most of all, be patient with yourself!

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for all the answers. I'm the type of person who never gives myself credit because I look at what is going wrong rather than what is going right. It just sucks to have a bad session just a week after one of the greatest.. I dont think I'll email my T (even though I sort of want to) but just wait until exams are done and I go back next week. I like the idea of writing the notes down so I guess that'll work for now.

Again thanks to everyone who answered!

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm also someone who often e-mails my T after a session, if I have other thoughts on the way home, or if there's something I couldn't bring up. One thing you could do, if you don't want to send your T a long e-mail, is just send her something like, "There was some stuff I wanted to talk about today, but I had trouble doing it. Hopefully we can discuss it next session."

Also, I think you'd said last time that your T asked you some questions and basically led the appointment. Did she not do that this time? If not, then let her know that it helps you when she leads.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I'm also someone who often e-mails my T after a session, if I have other thoughts on the way home, or if there's something I couldn't bring up. One thing you could do, if you don't want to send your T a long e-mail, is just send her something like, "There was some stuff I wanted to talk about today, but I had trouble doing it. Hopefully we can discuss it next session."

Also, I think you'd said last time that your T asked you some questions and basically led the appointment. Did she not do that this time? If not, then let her know that it helps you when she leads.

That's a good idea. I think ill send her a short email just to give her a heads up about it for next session. This sessions she did lead the session but the sessions revolved around me talking more. I just wish every session was like the last because that was amazing

[AnxiousGirl]

I decided not to email my T at all because I rather try to deal with it on my own than worry about being a burden. I know this is a cowards way out but it's the only path I can take without feeling like I'm being a bother to T.

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

I decided not to email my T at all because I rather try to deal with it on my own than worry about being a burden. I know this is a cowards way out but it's the only path I can take without feeling like I'm being a bother to T.

Maybe it's not the "cowards way out." Perhaps what you will find it you are able to deal with this on your own AND in the future you'll be more able to bring up what you need to discuss in session.

What I've done on a few occasions in the past when I knew there were a few things I absolutely needed to discuss is I wrote them down ahead of time and handed my grocery list to my T. That prompted a discussion of what needed to come first and we worked from there. Perhaps that is an option for you.

[RedSun]

I write notes in a journal, and take that in to therapy if there is something I want to discuss.
And it's quite good, cos if T spots the journal in my bag, she asks if the journal needs to come out of my bag which is a prompt for me. I wouldn't otherwise bring stuff up.

Though last time, I got my journal out, read it to myself for a bit, put it back and didn't discuss with T at all!

Hope note writing works for you xxx

[Petra5ed]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's definitely not just you, because I do the same, A LOT.

I write a lot and I bring it with me (on my phone). When I am really stuck and I feel like it sometimes I read something I had written before.