[yagr]

I have a great respect for the idea of public service, but think politicians, in general, fall short in practice. I have a similar opinion of psychiatry and psychiatrists. I'm sure there are great therapists and psychiatrists out there, but I don't feel that I've run into any. What proceeded me entering therapy and seeing a psychiatrist this last time was a referral from my primary care physician who became concerned by my growing depression.

Not that it matters much, as the solution is more or less the same for depression whether it is symptomatic or not, but I was suffering from symptomatic depression. After eighteen months of being too weak to work and support my family, I was diagnosed with a rare, incurable and relatively untreatable auto-immune disease. My nervous system and muscular systems suffered the most and the chronic pain, along with severe sleep apnea eventually prevented me from sleeping.


Right now I am typing with one hand because I had surgery Friday on my other to repair a complete tear of the rotary cuff and bicep. The other arm is scheduled to be repaired in six months, after this one has healed. Then my elbows. Then my ankle. And they can't give me pain meds. Did I mention that we've lost everything financially? It was enough to make a guy depressed.


So I've been referred and have been going now for about a year. I have applied for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) three years ago and am still awaiting a hearing date after two denials. M attorney suggests continuing with therapy because, though I should absolutely get SSDI without a psych component, she likes having a backup plan. Fair enough.

I was diagnosed with a severe depressive episode immediately and more recently, schizotypal personality disorder. The latter is beyond ludicrous. I have gone into why I feel it is ludicrous in the schizotypal personality subforum already, and as I am typing with one hand I'll forgo repeating it here – sufficed to say that my religious beliefs and ancestry should not lead to a diagnosis.


Finding a new psych team is not possible. I am extraordinarily rural and options are limited. In fact, I travel over one hundred miles round trip to see the one I go to now – and that is via skype! I would like to know how to make the most out of the team I have when I feel as if I am not being listened to and most everything is being taken out of context.

Incidentally, here's my history with psychiatrists/therapists:
First doc; first diagnosis: BPD. (1979)
Second doc; second diagnosis: Antisocial PD, rejected BPD diagnosis. (1982)
Third doc; third diagnosis: healthiest patient she had, rejected both previous dx's. (1992)
Fourth doc; fourth diagnosis: major depression, schizotypal PD. (2015)

No one has ever diagnosed PTSD or c-PTSD despite an abusive childhood with severe physical, emotional and sexual abuse and serving in six combat zones.


To answer the inevitable question: yes, I've shared my history honestly. I just feel like this is such a monumental waste of time and resources. I would like to have something positive come out of this time but could use some suggestions. Thank you.

[Skeezyks]

Hello yagr: I'm sorry you are having so much difficulty. I just wanted to post a reply letting you know that I read your post. I'm afraid I don't have any useful suggestions for you. Psychiatry & therapy have been pretty-much a waste of time for me. Like you, I presume there must be good pdocs & therapists out there somewhere. Unfortunately, I haven't run across any of them. (And I live in a large, progressive metropolitan area.)

I'm an older person now & in reasonably good health for my age. So, at this point, I have simply turned to working on developing compassion for myself just as I am & living in the moment as a means of addressing the psychological problems I have struggled with all of my life. Hopefully some other members, here on PC, will have some constructive suggestions for you. I wsih you well...

[Argonautomobile]

Hi Yagr. I'm very sorry to hear things have been so tough--you're right, it IS enough to make any guy depressed.

First of all, I do think you should stay in therapy, particularly if your lawyer has suggested it. It could make a big difference in your application for SSDI.

Normally, I would recommend talking to your T about feeling that you're not being listened to, but I assume, after a year, that you already have done and nothing fruitful has come of it. Am I right about that?

So, if you can't really get on the same page with your care team--the disagreement about your diagnosis seems to show that--and are continuing to go SOLELY on legal advice, then you do whatever you want with the therapy hour. Balance your checkbook. Look at cat videos on your phone. Simply vent about your day-to-day frustrations--if your T tries to re-direct you, simply remind them that this is YOUR time and you will use it however you damn well please.

If, however, you are actively hoping to gain something with the therapy hour, how you proceed sort of depends on what you're looking for. You can, for instance, just agree to disagree about your diagnosis, not talk about your past, and instead focus on everyday goals--eating better, getting more exercise, finding a hobby that fulfills you, things like that. If your T again tries to re-direct you, just point out that it's your hour, your life, your goals, and this is what you've decided to work on.

Hope that helps. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Victoria'smom]

Tell your therapist that you don't feel your getting a lot out of therapy. Doing therapy over Skype must be hard. Make a list of topics you want to talk about.