[sinking]

I am telling the whole truth about my SH impulses, hopeless and helpless feelings, gory intrusive thoughts and wanting to commit suicide to my doc team at the MHC, yet i feel such a fake and a liar. Why?

I just want them to believe i could do it, so that once i'm out and ready to do it, it wont come as a surprise to them and everyone else.... I'm preparing me and them. Just that. I think its good, then why do i feel so bad?

[unaluna]

(((Sinking))) it may be the whole truth, but maybe it doesnt speak for the whole you. Maybe a part of you does not want to be hurt and is looking for protection.

Thinking of you, Sinking. Stay strong!

[sinking]

...and why do i feel so bad for telling my good private T i'm talking with them and telling the truth if thats what he seemed to want? And why do i feel he's mad at me and disappointed and hurt by me talking with other Ts than him when he didnt say that? This is driving me crazy.

For me, sometimes even though I am telling the truth, I feel like a giant liar, drama queen. Perhaps it comes from a lifetime of hiding emotions and not asking for help. Dunno. In any event, I feel for you. Please hang in there.

[sinking]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

For me, sometimes even though I am telling the truth, I feel like a giant liar, drama queen. Perhaps it comes from a lifetime of hiding emotions and not asking for help. Dunno. In any event, I feel for you. Please hang in there.

Yes!!!! couldnt have said it better... Still its not a good feeling...

And the thought i betrayed him, hurt him, wasnt loyal to him, disappointed him, made him mad at me... This kills me. I hate myself so much, but i did it in good faith, i swear. and FOR him too.