[ChavInAHat]

Yesterday was my final session before T stopped for the xmas period. She has scheduled an appointment for the 5th of January, so just shy of 3 weeks. We have been talking about some heavy stuff, and I know she has found it heavy too as she cried once and keeps doing the whole hands to face, gasp, shock thing.

My T has said that as it is private practice I can email her outside of sessions. I told her I would try not to.
In yesterday's session she said I can email her over the break and she will email back if I say I would like her to (after we spoke about her not answering before in an email she asked for).

The thing is she said she didn't want to transgress my boundaries. I don't have boundaries as such where this is concerned, but I am worried about transgressing hers as she has a young family and it is xmas. She knows how hard this xmas will be for me, but I'm still not certain I will be comfortable emailing her even if I actually need to because I don't want to pull her down during her time off with her husband and kids.

I know she said I could, but the question is - should I?

I can't explain really how tough this Xmas is going to be for me, but I had a huge anxiety attack about my family coming to my house last month and now I have to spend Xmas there and it will throw up all sorts of feelings and triggers.

Sorry I'm rambling now



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[musinglizzy]

I say Email her. It's her choice if she reads and responds to Emails during her break, and when. It's not intrusive like a phone call or a knock at the door could be. So if you feel the need to Email her, I say go ahead! Or, if you're not sure, but need to vent, you could always start an Email to her, kind of like a journal, and just add to it as needed. I've done that. By the time T got back from her trips, it didn't seem important anymore and I didn't feel the need to send it....but my T asked me to. She knows, usually, when she is on a break, I've got an Email started somewhere....

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. I think you can trust her when she says it is okay for you to email her.

[ChavInAHat]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I say Email her. It's her choice if she reads and responds to Emails during her break, and when. It's not intrusive like a phone call or a knock at the door could be. So if you feel the need to Email her, I say go ahead! Or, if you're not sure, but need to vent, you could always start an Email to her, kind of like a journal, and just add to it as needed. I've done that. By the time T got back from her trips, it didn't seem important anymore and I didn't feel the need to send it....but my T asked me to. She knows, usually, when she is on a break, I've got an Email started somewhere....

That's a really good idea, and true that she doesn't have to read the email until she is ready and willing to do so.

Thank you for that.

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[ChavInAHat]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. I think you can trust her when she says it is okay for you to email her.

Thanks for replying. I don't think it is a trust issue- which is quite amazing as I've only been seeing her for 12 weeks and we have gone headfirst into some heavy stuff over the last 4/5 weeks.

I think for me it is more that I don't want to bother her, or disturb her during what is surely a well earned break from some very heavy stuff that myself and her other clients throw her way.



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[magno11789]

@ChavInAHat I totally know how you feel, and my break is only going to be a week without seeing my T. She said I could email or call her if I need to. My fear is that I don't want to bother her. Emailing is not as bad, but I still feel guilty because I worry that I am bugging her or being too needy. Calling would have to be if it was an absolute emergency.

The one thing I try to tell myself is that these are the boundaries she set for me. It is not my responsibility to manage her self-care. It is her responsibility. If she didn't want outside contact she would say not to contact her out of session. It's still hard. If I feel like I want to email, but I don't feel like I need a reply I'll put in the email that there is no need to reply. That might be helpful for you too.

I agree that you should email T if you want to. She will read and respond to emails at her leisure. No sense in waiting it out when she gave you permission to contact her.

[ChavInAHat]

Originally Posted by magno11789

@ChavInAHat I totally know how you feel, and my break is only going to be a week without seeing my T. She said I could email or call her if I need to. My fear is that I don't want to bother her. Emailing is not as bad, but I still feel guilty because I worry that I am bugging her or being too needy. Calling would have to be if it was an absolute emergency.


The one thing I try to tell myself is that these are the boundaries she set for me. It is not my responsibility to manage her self-care. It is her responsibility. If she didn't want outside contact she would say not to contact her out of session. It's still hard. If I feel like I want to email, but I don't feel like I need a reply I'll put in the email that there is no need to reply. That might be helpful for you too.

True she wouldn't have said I could if she couldn't handle it. I won't around the big days (Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year's Eve and day) but if I need to outside of those I will, but only if I need to.



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[ChavInAHat]

Originally Posted by twistedangel00

I agree that you should email T if you want to. She will read and respond to emails at her leisure. No sense in waiting it out when she gave you permission to contact her.

Quite true, thank you

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[ruh roh]

I would want to be really clear with myself about what I was needing from emailing and receiving a reply and then boil it down to that. In other words, something short and clear that does not take time for her to decipher and think through a reply. I wouldn't look for more than wanting some kind of connection--a couple or few sentences saying how I felt and what I was looking for.

There have been times when real therapy has happened through emailing my therapist, but it's been a bonus. I would think for the holidays to look for just enough to maintain a connection would be worth it for both of you.

[ChavInAHat]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I would want to be really clear with myself about what I was needing from emailing and receiving a reply and then boil it down to that. In other words, something short and clear that does not take time for her to decipher and think through a reply. I wouldn't look for more than wanting some kind of connection--a couple or few sentences saying how I felt and what I was looking for.

There have been times when real therapy has happened through emailing my therapist, but it's been a bonus. I would think for the holidays to look for just enough to maintain a connection would be worth it for both of you.

Totally and that is all it would be- just an email if I'm really struggling and just wanted to reach out so I wasn't stuck in my own head for three weeks, especially as she knows how difficult this Christmas will be for me. She has already voiced her concerns for my welfare (mental health/anxiety wise) during this time. It's kinda nice she cares enough to voice it, but it is still hard to hear it as she has a point but I can't back out because my daughter and my dad want to go to the family we are seeing (I'm the only driver) and it is a rather long story as to why this is so hard and for completely different reasons it will be very awkward for most involved but the kids have their hearts set on spending Christmas together.

Sorry I rambled on.

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Your T wouldn't have said to email her if she doesn't want you to. I say email her if you need to.

[ChavInAHat]

Originally Posted by Buttercup11

Your T wouldn't have said to email her if she doesn't want you to. I say email her if you need to.

Thank you. I agree

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[velcro003]

I understand the worry, because I felt SO guilty every time I sent my T an email for the first few months (ok-and still do a little now, but I try to let that go). She had to repeatedly tell me that it was ok to email her, and that I am not bothering her. When I let myself think about it, I feel bad because she has two small kids, a husband and many other clients who probably email or call her too. But, right now I am trusting her words that it's ok. It is hard, I know.