I spent years learning how to bury feelings, hide emotions and deny my feelings even to myself.
I've been in therapy for 19 months now and so many new feelings and thoughts which were outside my awareness have come to the surface. It's quite scary really!
When I'm outside of my session I find myself wanting to talk about these feelings with people a lot, and I'm still learning to navigate when this is and isn't appropriate. My social skills aren't the best anyway, but I've never had any experience with appropriate disclosure of emotions to others, because I've rarely been aware of feeling any emotions before. So it's all new to me.
Recently, after a few drinks, I said something about my feelings to someone that I really wish I hadn't. I am sure that if I hadn't been in therapy, these feelings wouldn't have been in my awareness, let alone on the tip of my tongue.
Does anyone else struggle to strike a balance when talking about these types of things out of session? Is it simply a matter of practice?

[Argonautomobile]

Practice probably helps. Have you tried journaling?

[atisketatasket]

In terms of getting them out and not regretting it later, writing/journalling is what comes to mind.

In terms of whether or not to tell someone, maybe before saying anything ask yourself, "24 hours from now, how will I feel about having told this person what I'm about to tell them?" If you don't think you'll feel good about it 24 hours from now, don't tell them.

And in vino veritas, but also embarrassment. Don't talk about anything too personal when drinking with someone.

Yeah I have thought about journalling, and PC actually helps too, but I still find myself wanting to discuss things in the here and now. I find it quite hard to get into the swing of it. I find chit-chat hard to do and always want to talk about deeper things. I guess a lot of people would rather talk about the weather

[stopdog]

I am always up for deeper things as long as it does not involve feelings or emotion. I never know what to do when others go on about those. (In other words - there may be more middle ground in between weather and soul baring).

Originally Posted by stopdog

(In other words - there may be more middle ground in between weather and soul baring).

That's a good point, thanks.
That's another thing I'm trying to work out for myself -recognising middle ground, instead of the "all or nothing" approach I have to many aspects of my life.

[Partless]

Personally I sleep through half of them if not more.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

That's a good point, thanks.
That's another thing I'm trying to work out for myself -recognising middle ground, instead of the "all or nothing" approach I have to many aspects of my life.

I also have a hard time talking about my feelings and emotions so I usually don't, and then I get reproached that I don't talk about my feelings, that I'm "mysterious", that I don't share anything. The only time I manage to talk about it is in therapy. It's hard, I understand.
But like you I also always want to talk about deep stuff.
I don't have a solution. Just wanted to say that I sympathize.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

(In other words - there may be more middle ground in between weather and soul baring).

Yup. Sports!

SD is right, though. Think of some middling topics of conversation to always have on hand?

[Favorite Jeans]

All the above points are good. But awkwardness is okay too. A little oversharing happens sometimes. Sometimes you can misjudge the strength of your connection and say something too intense. Don't beat yourself up. Everyone will most likely make it out alive.

Sometimes those risks you take in talking about something very personal or emotional pay off when you meet someone who really can engage with you at that level and they become a good friend.

You're just learning. Go easy on yourself. Embrace the awkward/dorky aspects of yourself. Lots of people find that kind of thing very endearing.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I spent years learning how to bury feelings, hide emotions and deny my feelings even to myself.
I've been in therapy for 19 months now and so many new feelings and thoughts which were outside my awareness have come to the surface. It's quite scary really!
When I'm outside of my session I find myself wanting to talk about these feelings with people a lot, and I'm still learning to navigate when this is and isn't appropriate. My social skills aren't the best anyway, but I've never had any experience with appropriate disclosure of emotions to others, because I've rarely been aware of feeling any emotions before. So it's all new to me.
Recently, after a few drinks, I said something about my feelings to someone that I really wish I hadn't. I am sure that if I hadn't been in therapy, these feelings wouldn't have been in my awareness, let alone on the tip of my tongue.
Does anyone else struggle to strike a balance when talking about these types of things out of session? Is it simply a matter of practice?

I have some trouble with this, too. I'll decide to be more open with a friend and then be afraid that I overshared and they'll reject me. So far, those fears have been unfounded, but they're still there. I think much of it comes from my mom being the type to want to keep everything hidden. Therapy has helped me to realize that I do better when I talk about things, both in therapy and with other people in my life. Keeping everything inside just makes depression and anxiety worse, at least for me.

I feel like I have this need to be accepted by people, but then I fear if they know the "real me," then they won't accept me. But then, if I don't show them the "real me," how will I really feel accepted? This has been an issue with romantic relationships, too. Not sure how much sense that makes, but I feel like I'm often walking this fine line of what to share and with whom. I have some friends that I've known for years that know little of my mental health issues, and others that I haven't known for that long that know more, just because I feel safer confiding in them.

Yesterday, I told my T something I haven't really told anyone (at least that I recall). It's not something I plan to share with friends (or probably even my H), but it's like I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders by sharing it (and not being rejected as a result).

I feel like I'm rambling and not making much sense, but just mainly trying to say that I get it! And it really helps to come on here, because people are generally so accepting. Yeah, we're all kinda hiding behind the Internet, but it still helps to know we're not alone.

I think everyone struggles with it. I SH personally. Sometimes I pretend someone I trust (or once trusted) is next to me and I imagine how a conversation about feelings would go with them. Otherwise I'm an ice queen.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have a hard time talking about things outside of my sessions. I talk to my husband about everything I share in therapy. Its still hard. I also journal a lot. It helps me to write out my feelings.

I'm not sure if this is the same thing - but I since Ive started therapy I talk more to the people in my life about my feelings and also just general thoughts. I feel closer to people. But I also feel a bit vulnerable at times, I've kind of wondered if I'm now starting this stage of expressing myself that most people go through as a teenager or in their 20s.

Thanks all. I guess this is a new stage and challenge on the road to acceptance of self. This new self, the one that actually feels things!
I do have some friends (and H of course) with whom I can discuss some things freely and without judgement, but it's still a new world for me, and I'm still learning.

I journal. I also like to nap when the opportunity arises. I have a super close friend who is going through some things too, and we confide in each other.

When I started therapy, I would share many things with black humor. When I look back I can see some were uncomfortable with my sharing. Now, I am a bit more selective with whom, and what I share about the intimate me. I sent emails to my therapist 24/7 as if I were journaling. It was a way to get it out of my head. She was okay with this. I did not expect my therapist to read or respond to them. Of her own accord she chose to read all, and respond to many.

I also decided to be more intimate (share some family secrets), with some of my oldest friends of 30 plus years. They have been great with the deepening of our friendships.

Great thread! I have been in therapy for five years now and the sarge to talk with others about my process and my business has decreased.
I find now that I ask myself why I need to share this deep and meaningful stuff with a colleague who really does not understand or could use it as ammunition at a later stage.
A big part of my going to therapy was learning to trust again and to trust the right people. This has been very helpful to me because I now look at a persons whole behaviour and not just the last conversation where they happened to be very nice but for a specific reason. I have learned to recognise others agendas more clearly and to see that some information would not be helpful to share with them. I guess I am more selective about who and what I share things with. In some ways, I have closed off but in other ways when somebody nourishes and cares for me and about me I will be fully open and blossom with them. This has been a challenge in itself as I have closed off to some of my therapist friends I am training with because I can see that they clearly had their own agendas all along and sometimes the truth hurts.
I know I can never open up to my mother about anything because she will use information for her own advantage,
I also learned that with my ex t to hold my feelings and contain my thoughts until my next appointment. She thought me a lot about behaviours and about people words matching their actions. Now I always am more careful who I open up to and what I share with them.

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