I often imagine what being their friend would be like. Looking back over my previous therapists I would only like to see one outside of session and not the others. New t absolutely, why because she is fun and vibrant. Ex t had a really good sense of humour, other ts were quiet dry and dull. I would have no interest being their friends but needed an emotional connection from them, an understanding.
It got me thinking of the qaulities I need to be able to make a good connection with my ts. A good sense of humour is a must. I do not like serious ts or ts who have too many boundaries. I guess I like a bold therapist who is willing to take risks and cross some boundaries.
Yet when choosing friends I choose sage people who are not risk takers. It makes no sense but I am interested in hearing about your experiences with this.

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[ChavInAHat]

This is the first time where I have had a T and thought
'if I wasn't divulging my deepest darkest memories, we could actually be friends!'

She is funny, she likes some of the same things I do (we geek bonded over Harry Potter in our second session because I was going to the studio tour), and she also has a child with additional needs.

Sometimes when I have had a hard session we start talking about random things


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[divine1966]

I do. I would never be but her personality and life style is very similar to mine so it's possible

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[atisketatasket]

No. It just doesn't appeal. I also don't want to be friends with my surgeon.

[magno11789]

Heck no! I don't want to be friends with my therapist. It does not interest me. I'm pretty sure outside of session we have nothing in common, plus she knows a lot about me and I really don't know that much about her. She has also never seen Star Wars or Lord of the Rings and that right there is a deal breaker lol.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have wanted to be friends with my T. We get along so well and we are really connected. I have realized though that what we have as a therapist and client is more intimate and special. She even said it would not be like that if we were friends. I am happy having her as a therapist.

[ilikecats]

I think it would be really fun to be friends with my T, but also unrealistic. There's a significant age difference between us, so that would make it feel a little weird for me. But I do imagine doing fun things with her that I'd do with friends, and I think I'd enjoy doing that stuff with her.

If she had never been my T I could imagine it, but not after her being my T. I've never felt that I've 'chosen' any of my friends. Friendship just seems to happen, and sometimes when I least expect it.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I have wanted to be friends with my T. We get along so well and we are really connected. I have realized though that what we have as a therapist and client is more intimate and special. She even said it would not be like that if we were friends. I am happy having her as a therapist.

Interesting that you say that because my T has repeatedly said "we aren't friends. What we have is deeper and more intimate than friendship"
I don't know. I can imagine being her friend. We both do yoga, we are both kind of nerds, she has a great sense of humor etc. She is older than me by only 7-8 years. The big differences would be a lot of her life revolves around her kids and I don't have kids. And she is a very "city girl" type...it made me laugh because last session I shared a story ( body image issues are a big part of my therapy) about how my horse got stuck somewhere and we had no ropes and so I made my bra into a halter and my shirt into a lead rope and led him home through the woods topless, and how beautiful and empowered I felt... And she said " hell you should have ditched the pants too"
I looked at her and said " no pants??!!have you ever BEEN in the woods??" Because no pants climbing through forest scrub is a whole different thing. And she doesn't know what tractor Supply company is, which is where I buy everything I need to survive. I spend nearly all my time outdoors with my dogs and horses ....

[Nammu]

If we had meet by happenstance I doubt very much we would have become friends even though we share many interests.

[BonnieJean]

Originally Posted by Nammu

If we had meet by happenstance I doubt very much we would have become friends even though we share many interests.

Same here.

[stopdog]

No. I don't find her the sort I would become friends with.

[luvnola]

No. I only know her as a t, so who knows how she really is in real life. Plus, I had that opportunity years ago with another t and found out quickly that everything I thought about her was so off base. She just wasn't the same person outside of the t rel'ship. I mean, she was still funny and quirky and all, but she was so needy!

[ruh roh]

Maybe, from what I know. I usually make good friends with my neighbors wherever I live, so I think if we were neighbors and had never been client/therapist, we would be great neighbor friends.

[Pennster]

I think if we were friends we would only be very casual pals. Like we get on, I'd probably bump into him and have a chat if we lived in the same town, but we don't have a lot of similar interests that would draw us together as friends. If we were friends, we'd probably just be occasional drinking buddies. Our current relationship is much more valuable to me than a potential friendship would likely have turned out to be, because he's an excellent therapist.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

Interesting that you say that because my T has repeatedly said "we aren't friends. What we have is deeper and more intimate than friendship"

I could DEFINITELY see being friends with my therapist.

I have a rather eclectic group of friends and I go to different people for different things. A way of getting my needs met I guess.

When I need to be introspective because I'm down, my sister and friend J are the ones that are there for me the most on that front. They are probably the reason I have been so functional without therapy for as long as I have as of late, but mid life crisis or what, I am feeling especially needy and I'm tired of feeling like I'm dumping on the same people.

My other sis is WILD. I could tell her someone talked me into riding a greased pig naked and after she got done with, "Ummmmm?!? Her next question would be, "So was it good? Should we go do this together?" There's not much my little sis wouldn't do. (Your pants story made me think of farm animals lol.)

I have another friend where I let my weirdness shine. Like poo jokes lol.

Anyway.....

He actually reminds me of J. I know I said something to him this past week and he said, "What would J have said about that?" I told him, "The same thing as you." LOL.

I'm in FL and J is still in NY. Life happens. I don't want to be a burden for her. He is here, paid to listen so I don't feel guilty, and he's insightful. The crazy thing is I haven't paid him yet. It's driving ME buggier than it is him. The first time I brought it up he said not to worry, we'll figure it out. I had to bring it up again because I'm having anxiety about it so he's supposed to have an answer for me next week. All I'm saying is he really seems to care without money being the motivating factor. I'm not driven by money either so that's just one more thing we have in common.

But I'm going to hang onto the "What we have is deeper and more meaningful" perspective here though my transference feelings are making me batshyt crazy!

My t and i are not friends but we are very friendly. We do a lot of things outside of therapy like go for lunch/ dinner, go to the market, go for coffee,, things like that. We have a lot of fun and laugh a lot.

I certainly could have, and did, imagine it when I was in therapy. Early on we established we had lots of things in common. We both have a wicked since of humor, inadequate mothers, and fathers that did not protect us from our inadequate mothers. I wanted to be her friend, but she made it clear that she could not be my friend and my therapist. Right now she was my therapist. Is there a possibility? Did I hear we might be able to be friends? Yes, we would revisit the question upon termination.

[stopdog]

I was friends with the first one I ever saw when I was in my 20s. She was my mother's age. It was just not a big deal. She was not a super great human being. It was all rather normal.

We did go on to become friends, just not during therapy.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by magno11789

Heck no! I don't want to be friends with my therapist. It does not interest me. I'm pretty sure outside of session we have nothing in common, plus she knows a lot about me and I really don't know that much about her. She has also never seen Star Wars or Lord of the Rings and that right there is a deal breaker lol.

Yes , I'd have to put my T out of the picture on account of him not having seen Star Wars! But more seriously , he's an excellent T and I see the therapeutic relationship as being deeper and more transformational than a friendship could ever be.

[brillskep]

Yes, I could be friends with my therapist. I like him as a person and I think we'd have a ton to learn from each other's different interests (he's good with sports and dancing, I'm good with foreign languages and linguistics and social media) and we're both warm, caring people with a sense of humor. At the beginning of my therapy (a few months in) I wouldn't have traded this therapeutic relationship for the world and I would have chosen it any day over being friends even if being friends felt appealing. Nowadays, I often wonder if maybe I'd be better off with this therapist as a friend and working with another therapist. But I doubt he would accept being friends after termination (we'd still be colleagues but that is definitely not the same).

I think my T is too mature to gain anything from friendship with moi.
I have fantasises about it, then I ha Ave moments where the bits of T I don't like - and try and repress - come through and I realise it is all fantasy.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I don't think I could be friends with any therapist unless it was someone I had grown up with or something. I'd constantly be worried they were pathologizing me or something. The idea kind of creeps me out.

I think that I came very very close with my last unethical one. Not really friends since she's my mother's age, but some sort of codependent maternal type relationship. She invited me to move countries with her when she retired. It honestly started feeling really unhealthy, but she never stopped being somewhat "therapisty," like I was definitely "sick" and she was the one looking after me.

But I've spent too much time in the MH system to be comfortable being friends with any therapist, not just mine. I don't trust most of them either and I have a negative view of therapy in general, so that could put roadblocks in any friendship.

Although I could date a psychiatrist or maybe even be friends with one.

ETA: last time I saw my pdoc I was talking about how socially awkward and unlikeable I am. He said he likes seeing me because he thinks I'm funny and charming, and if he weren't my pdoc and we had met somewhere else, I am the kind of person he likes to be friends with, even if ir's obvious I'm a bit nervous. I actually appreciated that comment a lot.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

No. It just doesn't appeal. I also don't want to be friends with my surgeon.

I actually am friends with my surgeon and gynecologist! Lol. Sure, I've seen t's that I could have seen myself being friends with and others who I could not. Unfortunately, I haven't found one pdoc or t that helped, so I am on my own.

But, of course, if the t was my friend, I couldn't tell them the things I would tell them as my therapist. Well... Maybe I still could, as they would keep it confidential.