[Soccer mom]

After not really being on here very much, I don't recognize all the names anymore. But, some of you have sent me a PM asking how I am. It's been very interesting.

My last session with ex-T. was 9/14 so it's almost been 4 months. I've definitely had my moments of missing her. Last week my coworker, who sees her and was one of the reasons for termination since I got so upset my ex-T. took her on, decided to talk to me about her therapy. I found myself wanting to tell her bad things but I kept it neutral and then cried that afternoon.

My new T. is awesome. She is the complete opposite of ex-T. She's validating, reassuring, compassionate, caring, etc. I once asked my brother, who had been in therapy also, how he knew his therapists cared about him. did he ask? He said he never had to ask - he knew. That's exactly how I feel. I just know.

New T. believes my transference began because of all the unmet needs that surfaced after my mom died. NOT my therapist. She believes the issues I had with ex-T. were just her personality not necessarily transference. And, her negative reactions to me telling her my feelings were recreating the past of not feeling hurt, understood, safe, accepted, etc.

I went back through my notes and 3 months into the therapy it felt bad, not right, hurtful. It's probably the first time in my life I did not listen to my intuition.

Ex-T. hurt me very deeply. Current T. and I plan to process my time with ex-T. to make sense of why I had that experience and what it was supposed to teach me.

I do have MET with new T so it did transfer. But, it's not nearly as intense because she knows how to handle it better. she believes the ET is my wall, my defense. The more I can tolerate taking her in and healing, the closer we will come to finding out why I'm having it.

Anyway, I'm not on here very much except to check PMs. I don't feel as upset so I guess I haven't needed the support as much.

Thank you to those who have checked in.

[justdesserts]

Thanks for checking in. I'm sorry you suffered so much with ex-T. I'm glad you've found someone who is able to help you help you process the experience. I hope you continue to heal.

[rainbow8]

Your new T sounds absolutely wonderful!!! I'm so glad you found her and that you're doing so well! It's interesting what she says about the transference, but I thought your old T also said it was about your Mom.

Just because you're doing great, doesn't mean you can't post anymore here. It's nice to "see you" and Happy New Year!

[Petra5ed]

I'm glad new T sounds good.

[Soccer mom]

I would tell old T that I felt she was frustrated with me. She said it was the transference. I think it was her personality and inability to say "of course I'm not frustrated with you". Instead she would ask me how I know others are frustrated etc. New T says ex T wasn't willing to meet me where I was and give me some of what I needed to hear. If I felt she was so much like my mom, she could have reacted differently to me to show she's not. Instead she would say it's her temperament.

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[WrkNPrgress]

Thanks for the update. It sounds like you've turned a corner. I'm glad you found someone better to talk to.

So great to hear your therapy is going well. I think I feel a bit envious of your T.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am sorry of what you had to go through with your ex-T. I am very glad to hear that you have a really wonderful new T who is helping you heal and it sounds like she is really good and really cares about you.

[wheeler]

Sounds like you're doing well; glad to hear that!

[nervous puppy]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

New T says ex T wasn't willing to meet me where I was and give me some of what I needed to hear.

I think this is the "key". A good T is willing (and able) to meet you where you are.

Glad to hear you have found one that can do that for you!