[Miri22]

I feel the maternal/erotic transference I had for a very long time slowly leaving. This is a good thing, as it has dominated my thoughts for so long. At the same time, I feel strange. Maybe let down or sad?

For those of you who have gone through this, how did you feel when the transference left you? How long did it take to feel more balanced?

Thank you in advance.

[Out There]

It is a strange feeling as we explore what it means and it changes or leaves as we work through it. I felt more balanced and insightful but also sad about what was underneath the feelings I had. For me it changed over the course of about a year , but I'm still working on it.

[Petra5ed]

I feel like I'm just at this point myself. Sometimes I'm relieved, other times I panic feeling like I'm "losing him." But I know I'm just losing the fantasy of him. For me too, it ebbs and flows. It's like a roller coaster still only the drops aren't as long and hard and parts are suddenly flat, I can catch my breath finally. I feel like it's been a rollercoaster of mourning and loss, or acknowledgement of it. Riding high on feeling loved and then crashing and feeling like the loneliest person on earth. Maybe I'm finally bored picking at this wound, I'm leaving it alone and now it's scabbing over to leave a nice scar.

Balanced? I think there's more to transference than just those 2 options. I'm always trudging. But becoming aware much quicker, so able to towel through any transference that arises now

[Out There]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Balanced? I think there's more to transference than just those 2 options. I'm always trudging. But becoming aware much quicker, so able to towel through any transference that arises now

We are all entitled to our own feelings and experiences.

Originally Posted by Out There

We are all entitled to our own feelings and experiences.

Huh? .

[Out There]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Huh? .

Yes. OK.

[JustShakey]

Let down or sad are exactly the words I would use to describe the feelings at the loss of the transference. And it is a loss... For me it was like a protective blanket, insulating me against, well, a lot of things. Sad, bereaved, empty, lonely. It's easier to wrap up in a warm fantasy of love that to face those things.
I don't think the feelings originated from the transference, I think they were there all along... I was hiding them from myself...

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[Daisymay]

I'd say I felt mostly stronger, sort of healed in many ways. I did feel some sadness too. But overall, in time, it felt a little as though I'd taken back a power that was mine but which I'd lent to her for a while.

Just for myself, I do find days, moments, when the old painful feelings of transference return. But I can get myself back on track more easily and I think that happens because I understand what, why, how it's happening. Being compassionate and patient with myself is a big part of it too.

It's different for everyone of course - it took me years to work through some very painful experiences involved in transference. It was a very turbulent time! Hang in there and be gentle and kind to yourself.