[JaneTennison1]

I think the answer is yes but I just need to hear it.

T got details wrong. Said I was late when I wasn't. Said I got angry when I didn't (seriously no yelling/name calling etc just being defensive)

T called me condescending and snarky. Said I was trying to bully her. I asked if she was calling me a bully she said yes

Said she was struggling to maintain her other job and this one but then that therapy ended because of my behaviour

Didn't give invoices until asked 3 or 4 times

I wrote about her and she was such a good T until the spring of 2015. She got very angry.

I think maybe I emailed too much (once every 2 weeks or 10 days) or called too much (once every 3-4 weeks) I hate myself and tend to think I caused this by being a bad person. She was a great T before

My OH says I'm not to blame. Ex T said I had to own my behaviour. I don't even wanna tell new T in case she sides with old T.

I go over it, sure I effed up somehow but then I think even if I am bad I still deserve compassion from a T. That's why I'm in therapy, to change.

She always let the boundaries be loose but then always got mad when I crossed boundaries as though I did so on purpose to bully her. (I've never been called that before, so horrific a label)

[atisketatasket]

Sure sounds like it. Worse than bad going by your description.

I don't know why she suddenly got angry, but odds are it was nothing to do with you.

Did she own her behavior?

[JaneTennison1]

Not at first. Eventually she said she was struggling and apologised for the impact it had on me

He other job is with offenders so I know I'm not the worst. She asked me to consider shd had a bad day but seemed surprised when I asked for the same benefit.

I fully own my part in this.

[Merecat]

Do talk it through with your new T, it sounds like your Ex-T was struggling in all kinds of ways and not managing herself with you at all well. What you describe isn't ok and shouldn't have happened to you.

[stopdog]

She sounds like someone used to taking their frustrations out on clients. I would not give her labels much credence.

[unaluna]

Omg. So she doesnt mouth off to her prison clients cuz shes afraid theyll shank her, but then she takes it out on you? My t and pdoc both work at prisons and or jails. My pdoc shaved his head so he looks like the guy from Breaking Bad (and Malcolm in the Middle). My t is a pretty tough guy. Sounds like she doesnt belong in the prison system and took it out on you. doesnt sound like you did anything out of the ordinary.

[AllHeart]

What others have said -- sounds like your t was on "overload" and could no longer keep herself together which wound up wrongly hurting you.

[divine1966]

Gee. She sounds pretty bad. So sorry

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Yikes! Doesn't sound like someone I would want to see for therapy.

[Favorite Jeans]

I'm failing to see your part in this. Getting a little mad or defensive, calling or emailing your T twice a month, all that sounds like pretty normal stuff. I don't see what you need to own here. You didn't mess up. Sounds like really bad therapy. I'm sorry that happened to you. I really hope you can process it with new T and feel better about it.

Sounds like she needed a break from therapy for awhile. Sounds burned out.

It sounds to me like your t is on the verge of a burn out. I dont think it has been caused by you but by not looking after herself properly. It sounds as though there is a lot going on in her private life which is also interfering with your therapy.
Perhaps she thinks you emailed too much or called too much but it is her job to hold a boundary for both of you! the boundary protects you from being hurt and her from burning out.
I would say that this is bad therapy because she is projecting onto you by blaming and shouting at you. That is really bad therapy and I hope you can say this to her.
I can see how she asks you own your part but she failed to set proper boundaries around outside contact and unfortunately you are the one suffering because of it.
I am sorry this has happened and I hope if you cant resolve this with your t, that you can find a new t.

[Gavinandnikki]

Couldn't say it any better than all of the above. You are showing insight into your behavior and thoughtfulness.

She is not.

[JaneTennison1]

I do tend to call or email just to check someone is still there. It never bothered her before for 18 months but then I guess it was too much. All she had to do was talk to me about it. I feel like she has taken away my chance of ending things well and I resent her so much for that.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Did she terminate you? She does not sound like a healthy therapist in the least. If you decide to try someone else I hope you can find someone who can help you heal from this and is ethical.

[JaneTennison1]

Yes, with no referrals or good closing. Just an abrupt end.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

Yes, with no referrals or good closing. Just an abrupt end.

I am very sorry that happened to you. Are you ok? If it helps to post on PC and vent then you should. I hope you can heal from this. Sending you hugs if you want them.

[JaneTennison1]

Yes this is an old wound but just recently I was able to have a phone call to close therapy. I had expected T would apologise for cutting me off before but actually she was defensive to the extreme and it didn't feel like the closing I was hoping. T has left me confused and in pain. I'm glad I have new T.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I hope your new T can help you through this pain. I wish you all the best!

I think it was very bad therapy and a very bad therapist. I am so sorry you went through that.

[ChipperMonkey]

Well the truth of the matter is that many "damaged" (for lack of a better word) people enter the world of psychology and counseling because they are looking for a way to help themselves and figure themselves out. Some of these people are unstable and not really fit to help others as they've never bothered fixing themselves. I think that this therapist is one of these people. She's being manipulative by calling you a bully, thus making herself into a victim. Uhm, I'm not for abusing therapists in the least, but C'MON, this is a career working with people who will get angry, will get upset, will push boundaries, and so on. Its her darn job to stay calm and handle things in a professional manner (something she clearly couldn't do).

Emailing 2x a month and calling 1x a month is not pushing boundaries with a therapist who has approved emailing and calling outside of session. Please don't blame yourself!

I don't blame you for not telling your new T. I think you got away from a bad T, but at the same time, if you tell the new T about your old T, your new T may have it in the back of your mind that you are a problem client.

[Elsie6283]

I agree with everyone else, I think it's very bad the way she behaved. And calling you a bully was way out of line.
I think you should try and tell your new T, the reaction you get might help you decide if they are worth sticking with or not and maybe save you wasting more time with a second rate T.

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[marmaduke]

Agree Chipper.
A friend of mine went to uni as a student to became a mental health nurse as was shocked at how many had difficulies themselves.
One lad had anger problems would rant and slam doors if he didn't get his way also a self harmer. Another had some odd ways, one day he told how he chucked his pet gold fish down the toilet.
He was thrown out in the end as unsuitable.
These types are there to 'heal themselves' but are unsuitable as they are not stable enough. A surprising amount had narcissistic tendencies, they thought they had empathy, but actually, they had none.
That is why you need to be very cautious when looking for a therapist, like the wrong meds the wrong therapist could do more harm than good.



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[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

Ex T said I had to own my behaviour.

Did she own up to hers? Her poor boundaries and ways of coping were her problem, not yours. Clinicians sometimes blame the client for their mistakes and/or frustrations. My psychiatrist tried to do this a few times.

I definitely agree with the other posters, this woman was a very poor representative of the profession. It doesn't matter if she was overwhelmed in her work (due to burn out or trying to juggle two jobs), it is her professional responsibility to stay calm and deal effectively with whatever her clients bring to the consulting room. The fact that she called YOU a bully is beyond unprofessional. I'm glad you left and have found a new therapist.