[Out There]

Can you define a " Magic Moment " in your therapy? An ah-ah moment , something just clicked , a deep realisation , a connection? I feel my " magic moment " with my T was when I realised I could accept he cared about my wellbeing - and I could also accept it from other people. What was yours?

[magno11789]

I've had many. One recently came after I had used eating disorder behaviors. She said "sometimes you have a choice to use behaviors." She also noted that there have been times where it seemed like I didn't, but in this case it was more of choice. That comment has stuck with me. It has actually helped the last few weeks when urges have come up. I am able to recognize that they are urges and have been able to use more coping skills to decrease the urges.

[stopdog]

No - I have not had anything like that in therapy. But to be fair - I don't usually see anything as a magical moment or think in those terms as a general matter. But in therapy specifically - there has been no clicking or connecting or momenting.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

No - I have not had anything like that in therapy. But to be fair - I don't usually see anything as a magical moment or think in those terms as a general matter. But in therapy specifically - there has been no clicking or connecting or momenting.

Yeah, what she said.

But I think my therapists - or at least No. 1 - may have tried to create magic moments.

Nothing that I can think of.

[LonesomeTonight]

I can think of a couple.

One with my T, where she said it was OK to feel unhappy about my childhood, even though many people had it way worse. I had needs that I didn't get met (help/understanding with my OCD, anxiety, and depression), so it's like there was something missing. It felt like I had permission to feel bad about it and a bit angry at my parents for making me feel like there was something wrong with me rather than trying to help.

With my marriage counselor, one "magic moment" was maybe 6 months ago, when we were talking about my not feeling like I get what I need from my H. And MC paused and had this look like a light bulb went off, then said to me, "Do you ever just feel like there's this void inside of you that no one can really fill?" And I thought about it for a minute and said, "Actually, yeah I do kinda feel that way." (He then talked about how it came from the past, like childhood, and it was up to me to fill it, but that he and T would help me figure out how to do that.)

And there was also the moment over a year ago where I was crying hysterically while trying to talk to MC, and I was like, "I'm sorry." The way he looked at me and the voice he used when he said "It's OK" felt very comforting and healing. I felt very connected to him and understood in that moment. It's something I replay in my mind when I'm having a rough time or am scared.

[nottrustin]

A few years ago we were discussing something and she asked if I was struggling because I was afraid she would judge me. I told her in my head I knew she would never judge me. She said that my feeling judged by wasn't really about her judging me but rather me judging myself. I have come to realize how true that is. I remind myself of it often inside and outside of therapy.

The first time my therapist touched me, and I felt a brief moment of relief from my distress.

[Partless]

I thought had a number but turns out they were trivial in the larger picture. I had this heroic vision of therapy as me having a couple of "aha moments" and then step out of the office as if having reached Nirvana and be at peace. But that never happened.

Or to put it in another way, I have had some aha moments, and they happened at the level of the mind, but my heart has none because it needs more than moments to process emotions. It seems eventual acceptance comes in bits and pieces, slowly and over time.

[rainbow8]

I felt like I was covered with "a blanket of love" the first time my T held my hand. I will never forget that. Also, after she "took hand holding away", when she reinstated it, I asked her if I'm dreaming!! She said, "no, you're not!"

I also never forgot when she said "I'm just a regular person" to me.

When my first T told me "It's hard to disconnect after we connect, isn't it?" I didn't have a clue about therapy, and that I could or was supposed to possibly have a connection with a T, and didn't understand what was going on, but I remember going to a grocery store afterward, and walking around like I was in a daze!

I've found therapy very beneficial but hard. It's given me insights, validation, a place to dump/ vent, support during a major crisis, allowed me to cry in front of another human being (hated that but I did it again this week despite trying hard not to) and understanding. I'm fighting maternal transference. Along with gin and Prozac, it's kept me going for the last year. It was one of several attempts to seek help over decades and thankfully, I just found someone I instantly clicked with. But I don't think it will stop me in the long term, although it will make the interval between now and then far more bearable. As well as allow me to forgive, grow and hopefully heal a little. I'm a convert, but I know it's because I'm very lucky to've found the right person. Being abandoned, boundaries changing and so on still worry me, but TBH, it's something I have to deal with. Couldn't do without her during this period of my life. Wish I'd had someone like her when I was younger.

[Myrto]

Not really any magic moment for me.
I wish there was one. I would say, perhaps, when I came out to her, it was hard but then I felt like there was hope, like anything was possible.

Yes, there have been a few! One that springs to mind is when she said "Art, you are not broken." That has stuck with me ever since and I hear her say it in my head when I need to hear it.

Another time, didn't happen during a session but in between sessions when I was working on a dream or something, and I had this epiphany, that if feelings aren'tbad, they just are, then I am not bad for having them, and further, I never was bad for having them. That was a huge moment.

Not specifically in a session, but while I was in therapy, I definitely had some "aha" moments that very much coincided with ideas that my therapist was working on with me. The moments themselves didn't come in session though. In fact, my therapist always emphasized that my learning wouldn't become real until it happened outside his 4 walls.

One of the biggest issues I was having was in regards to suicidality and the impulsivity that kept me in danger and in crisis for years. My therapist and I had talked a great deal about safety plans, coping mechanisms, interventions, effects of my life and on the lives of those around me, etc. to keep me safe, but I was pretty resistant and stuck in, what had become for me, a habit of automatic suicidal thinking to depression and anxiety. One thing I understood was that as long as suicide was an option for me, I would continue to go down that path over and over again, but I wasn't able (or perhaps willing) to change my thinking about that option. I understood it conceptually, but not concretely.

Then came my "aha" moment. My sister died. I had lost people before, but never was the pain of grief as intense as it was for her. I felt the utter pain in myself; I saw the utter pain on the faces of my parents and my children; I knew how difficult it would be for all of us to carry on and move forward in life. . . . And I realized if I took my own life, that pain everyone was experiencing would be even worse because of the confusion, the anger, the aftermath, and the legacy it would leave for those that remained. In that "aha" moment, I finally was able to completely take suicide off the table.

That tragic loss was, oddly enough, the beginning of actual living for me. Everything my T and I had been discussing and working on and going over finally clicked and I was able to truly put a plan of action in place. It wasn't magic; it was simply the perseverance of my therapist combined with a real-life circumstance that finally demonstrated concretely what he had been working to get me to see all along.

[Jbeancoaster]

In a DBT group. After spending years battling an eating disorder and could not change my very distorted beliefs. Someone else was talking about the same type of things. Because I could see that her beliefs were distorted I realized mine were too.

Reading Reality Therapy was really helpful as well

[bolair811]

I've had a few over the past 20 months with my current T, but the most recent was, I think, the most profound. I have severe fears of abandonment by him (thanks to former-T). So, I have always had a fear of needing too much, saying something bad or too much, etc. We have talked a lot about it and he's encouraged me to talk about all of my feelings, no matter what they are, that healthy attachment and needing support from him was not wrong, and that nothing short of threatening his life would make him end therapy with me without my agreement. In our last session, I read a journal entry where I talked about how I thought more and more about him and that I hated it because I knew it meant I wanted to trust him more to support me. I said in the entry that I'm afraid to let him hug me (he's offered a couple of times in 20 months, and I did, but it was sort of a weird, half hug thing). It's been a while since he offered, I'm guessing because he knew I was uncomfortable. I said in the entry that I was worried if he hugged me that I would never want to let go and that my heart would break into a million pieces when I had to leave his office. But at the same time, sometimes after a really hard session, I thought a hug would be nice. So, after I read my journal, time was almost up (of course!). He was so completely at ease and reassuring about everything I just read, even though I felt like I might die of shame and embarrassment. We talked for a few minutes, then he said "how about we end with a hug until next time"? I said ok and stood up, and we had a nice, normal, appropriate hug. I didn't break down, or feel devastated, or cry the whole way home (or at all). I think I finally trusted that he would still be there next week for my appointment, that he wasn't going anywhere.

I have had quite a few.theyre some of my favorite memories.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have had a few but two of them really stick out in my mind. The first one was after being afraid for so long that she was going to abandon me for having to many needs she showed me that she has my best interest at heart and that she is not going to do that. The second one was after she and I had said "I love you" I had wanted to hear it all the time. I could hear her say it in my head in her comforting voice. I then realized that I had her love and care internalized. I have never been able to internalize anyones love or care before. She taught me that and its one of the best most biggest things I have learned in therapy.

When how I looked at something that had caused me pain, suddenly changed.