[Cinnamon_Stick]

How does your therapist help you accept things that can't be changed?

[Argonautomobile]

He listens to me whine until I eventually come to acceptance on my own. It's amazing how much easier it is to get to a place of acceptance once you can forgive yourself for feeling burned.

Is your T helping you? What do you need to accept?

[Bipolar Warrior]

At the moment she is encouraging me to NOT just accept things, and to be angry about them instead. She says I should be angry about the injustice of some of the things I have been through. I find it difficult to be angry, and instead I just feel sad.

[AllHeart]

I guess it depends on what one might be needing to accept, but one thing that comes to mind for me right away is grieving. My t encouraged me to spend time grieving the loss of experiencing a "normal" childhood and having a "normal" family (amongst other things). Once the grieving subsided, I was able to find understanding, some self-compassion, and acceptance. Acceptance is helping to free my soul.

I think she helps me accept things, by consistently and warmly accepting me, all of me.

[divine1966]

My t told me some things can not be changed. If we dwell on them we won't be able to enjoy our life. If we accept what is we could adjust accordingly and enjoy your life. My t is always talking about enjoying life. She always asks if I had fun/good time doing this or that. She is always excited to hear k had good times doing something. If we aren't enjoying it then we need to make changes/adjustments that will allow us to enjoy it. Adjustments could also mean we got to accept things.

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[bolair811]

I think acceptance of things we cannot or could not control is all about grieving the loss of control or loss of power to change whatever it is (was). For me, that means I can talk about it, express all the emotions I feel (anger, sadness, regret, guilt, more anger, etc), and have those feelings validated and allowed to just be. And if I have to revisit things multiple times, it's perfectly ok with my therapist. For me, it's all about all of my feelings being heard and validated. It doesn't take long until I am able to move on because I feel like my pain and feelings have been heard. Occasionally, I also get gentle reminders that ultimately we are only in control of ourselves and how we react to things that happen. But it's not as easy as just telling yourself to "accept it because it can't be changed." I wish it were that simple and easy! My mind doesn't work like that, or I wouldn't be in therapy! ;-)

One thing I had to learn to accept. My history is my history. I can't change my history. I can feel about it; I can grieve about it; I can examine it . . . but I can't keep rehashing it forever and move forward at the same time. At some point, I had to make the choice to leave my past where it belonged and actually make the changes in the here and now where I actually have the ability to affect change in my life.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

He listens to me whine until I eventually come to acceptance on my own. It's amazing how much easier it is to get to a place of acceptance once you can forgive yourself for feeling burned.

Is your T helping you? What do you need to accept?

My T is helping me find acceptance. I thought that if I heard how others accept is might help me. I need to accept the past and family that I had. There is a bunch of things but the biggest ones are my family and my past. I am having a hard time with acceptance.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

My T is helping me find acceptance. I thought that if I heard how others accept is might help me. I need to accept the past and family that I had. There is a bunch of things but the biggest ones are my family and my past. I am having a hard time with acceptance.

I'm sorry you're finding acceptance difficult right now.... I seem to be in the same place, but I've not been w/T very long. Perhaps finding acceptance will come in your own time, and you've yet to get to that time. Be patient w/yourself.

My therapist made it clear from the beginning that no matter what I did I could not change anyone else or change their response to me. No matter what I did, my being perfect would never be enough. Everything I did both consciously and unconsciously was directed at getting what I didn't get as a child. Mom and Dad would meet those primal needs, and love me unconditionally. At times she would have to remind me of this.

What we did work on was my acceptance of changing me, and helping me believe I had the control to change me alone, and live my life on my terms. She explained it as a mobile. As the first piece starts to move, the other pieces eventually follow behind. They can no longer affect me the way I use to let them. This change in thinking also got rid of a lot of physical pain. I now have physical and emotional health, and am living nicely on my terms.

[divine1966]

My t also says there is no point in trying to figure out why people do what they do and can never change people. All we could do is change and understand ourselves

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[ruh roh]

I don't think I struggle with accepting the past. As for a present situation, my therapist very gently said it will get worse. I think I just needed to hear that. Her simple honesty helps me accept certain things. The rest is what I work on.

[Myrto]

She has trouble having me accept a lot of stuff.
Even if it can't be changed and I know it, I'm still furious.
I guess with time, acceptance will come.