Ridiculous reading into T's body language (again)

Ok I know the answer to all these kinds of threads are "talk to your T about it" but no way am I'm gonna ask T about this because I know I'm being ridiculous. I JUST need to get this out of my head, so here it is.

My Therapist often wears a necklace with a pendant. I've often notice her holding or playing with it during our sessions. Nothing distracting -just that unconscious thing people do sometimes when they're listening to someone. I rather like it when she does this. I guess I find it kind of comforting for some reason. If I were totally honest, I guess it kind of turns me on but I've never felt like it was distracting nor do I ever stare or barely look up when I catch this out of the corner of my eye. It's just something I've noticed .

She was wearing it again last time and I barely noticed it until, for some reason, she end up taking it off mid-session. Like it was annoying her. Later, I am thinking.. our session was at the end of the day. We had twenty minutes left. Like, how did her necklace suddenly become bothersome right then and there? Was it really that heavy after wearing all day?

Or did she realize she was doing something that drew attention to her- specifically her neck and chest? i.e., was I that obvious? Did she get self-conscious about her own mannerisms?

>>> I know I'm over-analyzing and projecting but here I am <<<<

I also want to open this up to anyone else's experience with their T's body language and little things you notice that are probably nothing...

I love the way you think, I agree, I would have thought something similar. Alternative ideas: maybe it was scratchy at the clasp? Or skin was itching? Or do you wish she knew you were turned on? Was she wearing a cleavage shirt?

I think it was a scoop neck but I barely noticed or can recall. She had a scarf or shawl on, as well, I think. You see I actually wasn't looking at her or her chest until she actually felt the need to take her necklace off. At that point, I only glanced (I swear!!! lol.)

I'm fidgety like that too. Sometimes I get really annoyed for doing it and frustrated with myself. I do it a lot with my hair, and pull it back, or if I am wearing a scarf. Actually, I make sure to take my scarf off in therapy now because I used to keep it on and play with it, braid it, etc, and it really started to annoy me. It's probably something like that. Maybe someone else even complained about her playing with it?

Hugs. I take stuff like that waaaay too personally too.

I have a lot of unconscious fidgeting habits - hands, jewelry. When I notice them I sit on my hands or remove the jewelry, whatever else I'm doing then.

I agree with Pink, she probably annoyed herself with her fiddling! And maybe a colleague pointed it out previously, and she realised she was doing it.

You don't know she was wearing it all day and took it off just for you. She may have been taking it on and off and generally fiddling constantly. Sometimes I can't decide if I want to be wearing a piece of jewelry (or scarf or hat or whatever) and end up taking it on and off constantly.

I wear a lanyard all day and there comes a point in the day where it just starts driving me crazy and I can't wait to get it off my neck. Could just be something like that.

I guess I would say this: human beings do all kinds of things without even thinking about them. That means that logic doesn't play a role. But when we try to interpret the unconscious or not-thought-through actions of others logically, as though there were a reason for them...we end up making too much out of what is often (not always, but often) nothing.

Now if she did the same thing with her necklace 3-4 times in a row, I'd think that was a pattern, and that might be worth asking about.

All things we do with our bodies is body language. I skimmed a book from the library, "What Every Body is Saying" by an ex-FBI agent, Joe Navarro, about body language because I wanted to know what my T was saying when he crossed his legs a certain way. Found out when his left knee is pointing toward me, he's keeping me at a distance. Women fidget with necklaces when they are uncomfortable or nervous (I think), or will place a hand to their throat or chest. I'm sure I could find a more comprehensive book/article on body language, but this one was fairly short and to the point. You might try Googling "body language" and see what you find online.

My guess is that your T was saying something, but I also subscribe to the belief that sometimes a thing is just a thing and there's no other meaning to it. I wouldn't fret too much about it...we all do things we don't realize we're doing.

I know I'm over-analyzing and projecting but here I am Perhaps you are at that. Why not ask her? She will probably be quite relieved to tell you about a tic that she might think, rightly it would seem, distracts from the business at hand.

same thing with me! I don't know WHEN i started to realize that my therapist wears a wedding ring, and like when I'm talking about things that make me nervous all of a sudden I'm hyperaware of the ring, or of his fingers. And then lately he's been moving his left hand behind the couch that he sits on, and i'm hyper aware of that too! i basically just end up laughing everytime I catch myself looking. he asks why I'm laughing but it's hard for me to offer a good explanation that's honest. now it'll be easier for me to talk about it - thanks!

same here! I don't know when I started to notice, but these past few sessions I've been talking with my T about transference, and I've also been noticing his wedding ring, liket I catch myself seeing his wedding ring on his finger and look away, and I can't help but laugh ever time I catch myself thinking about something else, as if he were waving it like some innuendo. lately he's also been putting his left arm behind the couch he sits on, and I don't know how to talk about it..

Ok, well. Here I am again. I searched this thread out because it happened again.

Same necklace. Same time of session; in the evening.

I know it's ridiculous but every time I've seen her wearing this pendant— a small medallion kinda thing — she ends up taking it off mid-session. I really like the pendant. I get that maybe it's a bit heavy and perhaps annoying but I can't help but wonder, why is it my session that she seems to realize she doesn't like wearing it any more for the day?

Does she put it back on later or is it just that time of day she gets tired of it or is it something about our sessions that makes her selfconscious about this necklace? Do I make her nervous? Does the subject matter trigger something uncomfortable for her? Is she catching herself self-soothing and does that so she's not distracted or distracting?

I will add that the session was fairly positive and I was in a good place though dealing with difficult stuff.

Let me get this straight...this happened once, for the first time, in January, when you started the thread? Now it's happened a second time, four months later? Again just once?

Is it really every time she wears it? It sounded like a new thing in your first post. Has she worn the pendant at other times during the intervening four months and taken it off each time? Because your last post sounds like it was just today.

Eta: and isn't it possible that she starts the day wearing the pendant and then takes it off before you even see it? Unless you are staring at her cleavage, I just can't imagine it has anything to do with you.

I notice strange things like that about my T too. For the first few months I was seeing her she wore an Irish Claddagh ring on her ring finger and then one day she had a regular wedding band and engagement ring on instead which she has been wearing ever since. I've always wondered why...

I don't appreciate the judgmental tone in this comment.

Of course I know this is me reading into things and I can't guess as to why but yes, every time I have seen that pendant since my first post, it ends up on the desk half-way through our session.

I understand that this is just my perception and as the title suggests, it's "ridiculous" but I didn't actually ask, or need, any ridicule. I'd like to just get these thoughts out - in a safe place - without being judged.

Believe me, you weren't being either judged or ridiculed, but your posts do make it sound like this has happened only twice. As for the line you object to, you raise pretty much that same concern in your initial post. At least as I read it.

If you just want to get the thoughts out, please say so, and people will forebear from commenting.

And again I stress: you were being neither judged nor ridiculed. I don't think any less of you from this thread, and I certainly haven't made fun of you. I apologize if it came across that way, but it was far from my intent, which was to clarify things I didn't understand and reassure you (since I imagine you are not doing anything at all to make her uncomfortable, and since it is entirely possible that she wears the pendant more often than you end up seeing it, just takes it off earlier).

ok. I appreciate this reply. I'm sorry if I overreacted.

I bet it's just the time of the day, especially if it's in the evenings. I make it to about 1:00 every day before some of my hair goes back in a clip. I barely make it to 6 when it all goes back in a ponytail. Same with my watch, it feels slightly more burdensome as the day goes on, and always comes off right after work.