[musinglizzy]

I know I'm a broken record talking about the rupture I had with my T a year ago, that I've still been unable to get past. I'm very attached to her anyway, and despite the hurt she caused, I agonize at the thought of leaving her. But, I finally got the courage to go T shopping. T1 is psychodynamic. I found T2, and have seen her maybe 8-9 times now, and I like her just fine. She's CBT. I'm still not feeling like she's the one who can help me move on from T1. So, just last week, I had the most amazing session with yet another new T, T3. It was a two hour session, and she is more into somatic experiencing. She called herself "unconventional" as far as Ts go, was very forthcoming about some things in her life, and even told me she has three T's herself. We hit it off quite well. She does body work as well as psychotherapy, and has a reiki table in her office. She also only lives a mile away from me, so I find it interesting that I didn't find her familiar. But just in that one session, I feel like she's perfect. She knows I'm trying to leave my T.... and she said that people grow and change, and it's possible that our therapeutic relationship has run its course, and it could be time to try someone new. She said several times she thought we were a great match, and I felt it, too. I see her again on Wednesday. It was a gigantic step for me to walk into T2's therapy room...and then T3. T1 does not know I'm seeing others. T2 thinks T1 retraumatized me with her abrupt actions, and that makes sense. T3 hasn't really brought that up, but both T2 and T3 certainly understand why I haven't just "gotten over" this yet. T1 keeps questioning why I haven't "gotten over" it yet. She's seeming more cold to me, when she used to be so warm, loving, understanding...I'm not feeling those things as much anymore, so I know it's time to move on. But I also know, given the state of my mental health right now, I really need to feel safe leaving her, and have someone else in place. I need therapy right now.

Anyway, just wanted to update..... I stay quite busy with T appointments right now, but at least I'm somewhat proud that I've been able to do this. Leaving T1 will be VERY hard. But I know it must be done. Again, as has been posted several times on this forum, I keep re-reading this article...

If There Be None « what a shrink thinks

I do understand it is not easy for you. I don't believe it would be for me, and many others. I'm impressed that you keep at it. It's a testament to your strength musinglizzy. I believe you will find your way, and heal.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

T1 keeps questioning why I haven't "gotten over" it yet. She's seeming more cold to me, when she used to be so warm, loving, understanding...I'm not feeling those things as much anymore, so I know it's time to move on. But I also know, given the state of my mental health right now, I really need to feel safe leaving her, and have someone else in place. I need therapy right now.

Leaving T1 will be VERY hard. But I know it must be done.

I'm ecstatic for you! It sounds like things are finally starting to fall in place for you. I really hope this is a turning point for you.

Just a thought...if you are still seeing T1 twice a week and you are now seeing T3, would it help to cut T1 back to once a week to start "weening" yourself off of her? If she's becoming more cold to you, it might the right time to start the process.

Thanks for the update. I'm proud of you!

[musinglizzy]

Thank you both! Yes...I'd like to have a another session with T3, and then hope to cut down to once a week with T1. She doesn't know I'm seeing others right now.... so I'm sure she'll question it. Or, maybe it will be a relief.

[JaneTennison1]

I'm so glad this went well. I know it is hard to let go of someone who seemed to give so much care so I wish you lots of luck. New T is more CBT focused. It's very different and, although I swore never to do CBT, I like her approach. It's so smart to be proactive in these things.

[BayBrony]

I'm glad you are having a better experience with T3. I hope she can really help you move on from the way T1 traumatized you.

My T and I just had an enormous rupture on Friday so I'm not very helpful right now but I.AM very happy for.you

[musinglizzy]

Oh NO bay! I'm sorry! Bigger than the last one? I hope you're hanging in there. Feel free to share if you want to talk about it!

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Oh NO bay! I'm sorry! Bigger than the last one? I hope you're hanging in there. Feel free to share if you want to talk about it!

So big I'm alternating between thinking about quitting therapy and quitting life. She is a f@#%€¥¢ careless idiot sometimes. And them i get the "I can't talk about this over text" crap. I just am so past caring about anything right now

[Bipolar Warrior]

I know how attached you are to your therapist and how difficult it is for you to think about leaving her; you've struggled a lot with it these past few months, and I'm so sorry she did what she did to you. But you are doing some really great work on your own right now! You are taking steps in a healthier direction, and it's all coming from YOU. That requires a lot of strength, and I'm sure it's rough, but it also sounds like a very empowering process. I'm so pleased for you!

About what AllHeart suggested: I get that you don't want to do something to make your therapist suspicious, but is there no way you could introduce the idea of cutting back to once a week without making her think it's for any other reason than just you wanting/needing to cut back?

Yay for you, musinglizzy! I hope things go well.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

So big I'm alternating between thinking about quitting therapy and quitting life. She is a f@#%€¥¢ careless idiot sometimes. And them i get the "I can't talk about this over text" crap. I just am so past caring about anything right now

I obviously don't know you and all you go through but I am confident in saying I know you have come too far in your journey to quit life now. You will get your power back. I see so much courage, strength, and good in you through your posts. It might not mean much to you but know that I have faith in you. Sending you love, light, and hugs.

[hopealwayz]

I am happy for you. I've been following your posts for a while so I know your situation. It is good to see that you have found someone who can help you with the troubles with T1.

[Out There]

I'm so pleased for you , I have followed your story. The journey is often difficult. Love and hugs to people on their journeys.

[Chummy]

It's very brave of you to visit another T. And great to hear that it went so well. Hopefully she can help you with your troubles and with the T1 troubles. She can probably help you to start seeing T1 less and less and then to quit. I know how hard it can be to leave a T, even when that T isn't good for you anymore. Good luck with it!

[Myrto]

It's great that you managed to go see a third therapist. And that you had such a great connection with her.
When are you planning on telling T1 that you're seeing other therapists though?
Are you dreading her reaction?
I'm happy for you that things are turning around.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am so proud of you and so happy for you that you are taking this next step. I hope this brings on the healing you need and deserve.