[confusedbyself]

Oh what a horrible time since session today. I really thought we might be able to start fixing some of these ptsd problems but after today, I feel like it isn't ever really going to happen and start little life I think I have left is going to be just like the rest of my past life. . No hope for any level of happiness.

I'm not bipolar, but I am sure at a massive low and even thinking about wanting to give up therapy. I have been this way since I was a young child and after 40 years of age, this t 'accidently' came across my path and gave me the hope to give therapy a chance and see if there was a chance at a different life. He is the only person I have ever trusted and talked to but right now it all seems futile and like I am just dragging him and others down with me for no good reason. I don't think we are going to make anything better and don't know why I keep trying. Yes I do, he is the ONLY person that has ever made me think I might have a chance for something different and even made me wonder a couple of times if it might be ok for me to be happy.

Sorry for the sob story, but I typed a text to my t telling him about this and thinking i should quitt, but i made myself erase it. Tried to go to sleep, then took extra meds and still can't fall asleep and decided to spill it here. This is about as hopeless as I can get. I don't want to be alive, but can't do anything about it either as that's not a possibility for me. I just don't know.

[AllHeart]

If this guy is your only link to hope right now, keep seeing him. Know that Hopelessness and helplessness breed in isolation. We cannot heal in isolation. if by chance you are in isolation, that is all the more reason to keep seeing your t.

For potential encouragement, let me tell you about me. I was in a similar boat as you. Never thought true happiness would be possible since a very young age. I'm in my mid-40's now. A year and a half ago I hit my all time life low. Took me a year to get out of that hell. i still can't believe I survived it. My t was my life boat. Like your t, my t was the only one who gave me hope. I clung onto to her tight even though I felt like a huge burden to her. My t helped me to remain curious enough to keep trying. And she wouldn't let me isolate her out like I so wanted to do. It was a long, hard road but the hell if it didn't work. Not only am I ok now, I am actually doing pretty good. Some days super good. I can even see true happiness in my future!

Remain curious. Always. Let your t help you and guide you out of this darkness if that is what your soul needs. you deserve to be happy.

Originally Posted by confusedbyself

Oh what a horrible time since session today. I really thought we might be able to start fixing some of these ptsd problems but after today, I feel like it isn't ever really going to happen and start little life I think I have left is going to be just like the rest of my past life. . No hope for any level of happiness.

I'm not bipolar, but I am sure at a massive low and even thinking about wanting to give up therapy. I have been this way since I was a young child and after 40 years of age, this t 'accidently' came across my path and gave me the hope to give therapy a chance and see if there was a chance at a different life. He is the only person I have ever trusted and talked to but right now it all seems futile and like I am just dragging him and others down with me for no good reason. I don't think we are going to make anything better and don't know why I keep trying. Yes I do, he is the ONLY person that has ever made me think I might have a chance for something different and even made me wonder a couple of times if it might be ok for me to be happy.

Sorry for the sob story, but I typed a text to my t telling him about this and thinking i should quitt, but i made myself erase it. Tried to go to sleep, then took extra meds and still can't fall asleep and decided to spill it here. This is about as hopeless as I can get. I don't want to be alive, but can't do anything about it either as that's not a possibility for me. I just don't know.

The question is....how long do these feelings you talk of last? Therapy makes us stronger from the inside...I still have bad days with ptsd.....but it's how long it lasts that has changed. Forget 'better'. Better is like a piece of string. Think - survive - are you surviving these feelings as painful and scary as they are? That's therapy

[confusedbyself]

Thanks guys. I went into a 3 day sleep and just got up.

Death desire is not quite as instense, but still afraid I have lost any chance as ever seeing these flashbacks end and have no strength to really fight. Still feel my t is the only trustworthy or supportive person in life, but wondering how long it will be before he as had enough of my drama also.

As for how long they last,,, I have yet to have relief of any sort. It just changes from this despair to demonic panic attacks and anywhere inbetween. Oh well