I am so nervous because I have decided to tell my therapist tomorrow that I think I have been experiencing transference towards him. I have been seeing him for about a year and the transference has gotten pretty distracting over the last couple of months. At first, I was in denial. Then, once I realized what was going on I just tried to sweep it under the rug and I decided I was never going to mention it. However, it has gotten very unmanageable and embarrassing. I find myself missing him in between sessions. I am very logical and recognize these feelings as transference but it doesn't make it any easier to bring up. I am afraid I am going to work up the courage to say something all the way up until my session then back out. Everything I have read during my research says that addressing this transference issue directly to the therapist could be extremely beneficial to the therapy as a whole. Has anyone been through this? I would like to know how other people went about bringing it up and how well or not so well it went for them. Any advice? I feel very self-conscious about this. Even now, as I am typing this, I'm not so sure that it's still such a good idea to bring this up tomorrow. I'm so unsure of myself because I'm afraid of destroying our therapeutic relationship or just completely losing him. I don't know what the right thing is to do. I really don't want to look foolish and I'm afraid my feelings are going to be addressed as invalid.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have very strong maternal transference for my therapist. They got to a point where it was unbearable and controlling my life. I was scared to death to tell my therapist. I was scared she would terminate me or the relationship would change. Neither of those happened. When I told her I asked her if she was familiar with transference and she said she was. I took a deep breath and told her everything. She said she was happy I told her and that its normal and its important we work through it together. She has helped me so much with it. I still have times where its triggered and gets intense again but for the most part its tolerable now. The best thing I did was tell my therapist about these feelings. I hope you can tell your T and he can help you with it.

Thank you so much for the helpful reply! I am glad it worked out well for you and hope that it does for me as well. My transference is a little different. Mine is more "erotic transference". I'm pretty sure that's what the transference is called when it feels romantic in nature? However, it also feels like I just want him in my life. Just as a friend. I know there are strict boundaries against this. That is another reason why I struggle so much with this. I learned about transference back when I was in school for psychology and as a student would think to myself "That's ridiculous. How could someone mistake a professional's caring responsibility towards their client as true, loving feelings?". I honestly did not think this would ever happen to me. It has come as a little bit of a shock since logically I know I am being ridiculous, but my emotions are telling me something else? It also worried me that I may have some underlying relationship based issues that I never even knew existed. That makes me extremely anxious and embarrassed to admit. I do not like feeling vulnerable and I don't want my therapist to think I have real affection towards him or that I need to depend on him. That makes me feel pathetic. I don't know why that the word I chose to describe how I'm feeling because it's such an ugly word but that is how I feel.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I often want my therapist to be more in my life. A friend or a parent. I am learning and starting to accept the role she has and be happy with it. I honestly want her more as a therapist than a friend. The client/therapist relationship is so special and different from other relationships. Your feelings are normal. Hopefully you can get to the route cause of your transference. It is very hard to be vulnerable but its worth it for the healing it provides. I really hope things work out for you!

[naia]

I've been through it, not just once, but often. For the therapy I do, this is an important part of it. Feelings of closeness, intimacy even, can feel like they are romantic or more, but talking about it does not mean that anything is going to happen or really change if the relationship is solid. I think it's pretty normal to have these types of feelings. My T told me almost to expect them. At the time, in the beginning, I didn't ever think that would happen, but it did.

He was open, often checking in about how we were doing. He didn't use the word transference, though I knew that is what he meant. Now he uses it and now I know more about it, but at the time it was hard and scary and embarrassing so I get that.

Bringing it up directly was hard but very good for me and for the "us" that we were creating. I got past the embarrassment by seeing how I wanted closeness in ways I didn't have before or was hoping to have outside of therapy. That helped me understand a lot of my past and what I wanted in the future.

It ended up being a turning point in my process. I felt loved, felt worthy of love, felt that my longings for closeness were important to see and understand. For a time I was preoccupied with him, but then I began to see that he was sorta symbolic for what I wanted outside in my own life.

There have been issues that are complicated; this whole thing is complicated, but the basic thing is that it was positive. I went from pushing away feelings to having them, first for him since he is relatively safe. Then it expanded outward beyond therapy to what I wanted in general.

It is hard work and takes a lot of courage to go there. Many people don't really explore this in therapy or in life. I just thought of my therapy time as private enough to be who I really am, be accepted for that, and to me that is the definition of love. To be seen, heard, recognized.

Call it transference, call it love, call it whatever, doesn't matter. The point is that you have feelings. The feelings are important. Not expressing them usually does more harm than good. It may be awkward at times especially at first, but it can be done and lead to things that are so much better. The feelings in therapy are safe because nothing usually happens to act on them. They are put out there to test the waters. To understand yourself better. To understand what you want in your own life. I see all of that as positive. The therapist usually understands that this is a step along the way, not the destination, but part of overcoming something that has gotten in the way.

[unaluna]

that pretty much describes my experience.