[Soccer mom]

My ex-T terminated me almost 6 months ago. I have since realized and gotten confirmation from a few therapists that she was emotionally abusive to me. I am normally a strong independent woman who doesn't put up with people like her, but I ignored my intuition for over a year. My new T is wonderful and has explained I was in a traumatic bond with ex-T and they are harder to get over.

I find myself still wanting to run into ex-T which is possible due to our small town. Why? To ignore her, to remind her of me, to make her regret how she treated me. All things that won't happen. Yet I still want it.

How do you get over missing someone who treated you poorly? I believe if she had given me the correct termination, I wouldn't feel this way. I would have had more closure.

[Out There]

Those are difficult feelings - you want something from someone but realistically you know you aren't going to get it. And if " letting go " were that easy ! Six months is a short time , the feelings do fade as time passes. You have a good T to work with with the complexity of this. I somewhat had this with my Brother - " He betrayed me / I trusted him / he should own his behavior / how did I let him do that?! " The feelings only hurt me. Sending you hugs.

[Hopelesspoppy]

It is normal and natural. 6 months is not nearly long enough to cleanse away the harm or desire for the final word. In your case, it sounds like you want your ex-T to see you standing tall and acknowledge, or at least consider, the damage she caused. We all would love that. But consider that even if you do (as it sounds likely) pass her casually you still will never know what she has or has not justified in her head.
Discuss this with your new T, but expect that he/she will tell you the same. Walk tall and confident (even if that's not how you feel), living well is the best revenge. Is she spots you, let her see someone who appears to be doing soo much better without her. Your head and heart will eventually catch up! Best!

[stopdog]

I kill them off in short stories. But another way for me is to write them (not necessarily send) telling them the myriad of ways in which they failed.
And also just plain time.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I kill them off in short stories. But another way for me is to write them (not necessarily send) telling them the myriad of ways in which they failed.
And also just plain time.

I do plan to write her a long letter once I've healed and am past this. My new T wants it to be more about what I've realized and how far I come. she knows that ex-T will see how she failed me. I actually hope to do this in person as she told me I could contact her when I forgive my mom and my dad passes away. it will be in a few years when the emotions are not as raw. in the meantime, I'm trying to get over her. I do have revenge fantasies.

[stopdog]

What I meant was for me, the act of writing and writing does help me get over things.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by stopdog

What I meant was for me, the act of writing and writing does help me get over things.

agree. I think both will work in my situation - sending a letter and writing some just to get the feelings out.

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I do plan to write her a long letter once I've healed and am past this. My new T wants it to be more about what I've realized and how far I come. she knows that ex-T will see how she failed me. I actually hope to do this in person as she told me I could contact her when I forgive my mom and my dad passes away. it will be in a few years when the emotions are not as raw. in the meantime, I'm trying to get over her. I do have revenge fantasies.

I think your new T may be giving your old T more credit than is due. Honestly, most people will never really see, nor admit, they have done wrong. Generally, trying to get resolution from people who have harmed us to that degree just doesn't happen and they almost never feel any regret for their actions. I guess I've kind of learned that the resolution has to come within myself.

I think I ignored my intuition with my ex-T too. It's nearly a year since I stopped seeing her. I would like to talk to her about my therapy with her and for her to understand, but I believe that she would never get it. I think I have to just live with it and let it go. My new T (not so new now), really gets me and my therapy with her is on a completely different level to the rubbish I had with my ex-T. Perhaps it is a sad thing for my ex-T that she is not able to get the satisfaction as a therapist that my new T must surely feel from what she is able to do.

[wheeler]

Soccer Mom I wish I had answers, both for you and myself. I'm in month 5 of my exT terminating/abandoning/leaving me and I still hate her and love and miss her all at the same time.

My new T has been really good about talking about it with me and she says that it will take a lot more than 5 months to get thru this.

Good luck, and keep talking.