[RedSun]

This may be triggering....

A few months ago, I found that after talking around csa experiences, I had pains in a very intimate place. It happened again in and after therapy.
I talked to T about it, she said it might be due to the subject...
I went to my gp and there is no apparent reason for the pain.

Since then, I seem to get a run of the pains, lasting two or three days, maybe every other week. It's bearable but uncomfortable.
I'm feeling quite panicky at the moment, and things are affecting me easily. I think this is because I sometimes talk about past stuff with T but it's always sporadic, not the focus of a session...but it stirs it up.

So, I guess my question is, does anyone experience pain like this? Should I tell my T that it's happening more? I feel a bit embarrassed talking about it because of where the pain is...would it help if I talked to T more, or stopped for a while?

Any help would be appreciated, please be nice it's an embarrassing problem

[Favorite Jeans]

I don't know if this is helpful but a friend of mine had a similar experience--she said sometimes she'd wake up with genital pain--when she was dealing with CSA in her therapy. She said I sometimes felt like the abuse had just happened a few minutes ago. It went on for months and then it stopped but it was very distressing while it lasted.

I haven't experienced exactly what you're talking about but have had lots of aches and pains, mostly muscle tension, associated with processing difficult stuff in therapy.

I don't know if it would be helpful but maybe doing something that makes your body feel good and loved and cared for (like a message, a run, a pedicure or a haircut) might help you feel valued and confident. Or maybe just relaxed. I don't know that it'll stop the other symptoms but it might give you some immediate positive associations with your body?

I hope it goes away soon. Hugs if you want them

[Out There]

I hope you can see this as a positive thing , although you feel embarrassed. Trauma is also held by the body as a body memory ( one of the books about it is " The body keeps the score " ).Our bodies are always present with us during trauma. Body memories came up for me when I worked on trauma ( lower back and buttocks for me ) Do talk to your T about it if you can. Wish you well.

I have had issues with something similar. Body memories can be intense. I found grounding exercises to be helpful. Reminding myself where and when I am; that I am safe; etc.

[confusedbyself]

Yes, you are not some. I have only addressed some issues and it brought that sane type of pain to me. It still comes abs goes whether we are talking about the subject or not. This has only been for last couple months, so yes, my t says it is normal.

[Patientgirl]

Yesterday I talked about my food allergy when I was 1 or 2 years old with mom. Today I am sick...

[RedSun]

Thank you all. It is so much better to know I'm not alone with this. I feel like a freak sometimes and I doubt my memories all the time, so this just adds to the confusion.

Out there, thank you, it's such an easy thing to forget, but it's so important, - 'our bodies are always present with us during trauma'. Silent witness.

What happens in the long term? Will the pain stop, or lessen? It's not unbearable, but it's difficult to manage sometimes, and it brings those issues to mind which can bring me down.

Originally Posted by RedSun

Thank you all. It is so much better to know I'm not alone with this. I feel like a freak sometimes and I doubt my memories all the time, so this just adds to the confusion.

Out there, thank you, it's such an easy thing to forget, but it's so important, - 'our bodies are always present with us during trauma'. Silent witness.

What happens in the long term? Will the pain stop, or lessen? It's not unbearable, but it's difficult to manage sometimes, and it brings those issues to mind which can bring me down.

It definitely gets easier. As I have fewer things that are secret, I have fewer mystery body pains as well. It is as if the pain is driven by a very deeply buried need to have someone KNOW, at least for me. One pain in particular was a problem, but I was pretty sure that I would never be able to say it out loud, so I read a book where the same thing happened to this girl and just took the book and handed it to T and pointed to the passage of the book. He asked if that had happened to me and I just sat there for a while and then nodded. I think I spoke maybe 10 words that session. Could not speak much at all, and certainly not about THAT. But having him know and not be horrified at me, and having him talk to me about it seemed like it was enough and the pain subsided. I haven't had it since. Other pains did not disappear as magically though. More deeply ingrained or something.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by RedSun

Thank you all. It is so much better to know I'm not alone with this. I feel like a freak sometimes and I doubt my memories all the time, so this just adds to the confusion.

Out there, thank you, it's such an easy thing to forget, but it's so important, - 'our bodies are always present with us during trauma'. Silent witness.

What happens in the long term? Will the pain stop, or lessen? It's not unbearable, but it's difficult to manage sometimes, and it brings those issues to mind which can bring me down.

It's about four months ago I did the work that accessed the body memory and the trauma and it did bring those things to mind and wasn't easy. I did mindfulness of pain as well. I so wish I had a magic wand sometimes , so many people have this.

Is that what those pains are? I have been having them investigated most of my adult life. Maybe I should tell T.
Thanks for sharing this and I am sad you are suffering too but on the bright side I may have an answer to my pains.

[atisketatasket]

Yes, it's happened to me. It doesn't help that I have actual physical pain in the area due to a disease. So for me it happens both as you describe and the reverse - the actual physical pain triggers memories. I can only tell them apart by which comes first.

Still, I might, just to be sure, mention it to your gynecologist at your next visit since they're a specialist.

[RedSun]

Thanks atat
I am seeing my gp about it tomorrow (in the UK gynies only do surgery stuff) although I have checked it out a couple of months ago...

I will talk to my T about it too. It's hard, because it's embarrassing...I'm so sad that so many of us hurt like this. And angry
But thanks for sharing everyone, and thanks for your support too, it means a lot.

I get those pains too. Sometimes its daily, often only once or twice a month. Its been going on since my first flashback just over a year ago. I know the right thing to do is to talk to my T about it - but there is zero chance of that happening. I've read enough to understand what it is, and I will read enough to understand what I can do to stop them. But under no circumstances will I have any Dr go down there - metaphorically, or really!

[AnaWhitney]

I have had these pains too! I posted a while back about asking a doctor to look for physical evidence about what hAppened/ might have happened and this was the first time I spoke about this issue. I cried for the whole visit and the pains started later that day and I have been getting them ever since. The feeling of it makes me cry a lot because I feel so out of control. I am pretty sure it's a psychological problem rather than a physical one as they seem to get worse with certain thoughts.