The Couch - 109: CIX-Reintroduction

That would upset me. ((healed))

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I think I need to get really honest with T and NP. Not sure I can. This is getting outta control. I dont know how long I can take this.

(((Healed))) sounds like a "guy thing"

Idk, this makes me think of your granny telling you to wear clean underwear in case you're knocked down by a car and have to go to the hospital...

(((dd))) I was honest with mine and it felt I wasn't heard. Maybe I wasn't as honest as I should have been. Sending hugs and care

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and of course his reaction was normal people would say thank you.. OMG.. I am furious, I Asked him not to take my car, and ignored me. His defense is, he saw his brother at the grocery store and he agreed that it should be done.. Yes, his brother.. who is not a damn auto anything.. He says, this is about the car and not about us.. IT is so about us (or him) and when he thinks something is right he does contrary to what I have to say about it. It my ****ing car!! Ahhhhhh.. why am I sooo pissed?

He called you disgusting and ignored your wishes about your car - that would pretty much make me mad. It is running roughshod over your boundaries, and because it is in the guise of being "nice" he turns you into the unreasonable one. For me, when someone tries to inflict something upon me that I do not want, no matter how outwardly "nice" that thing is - it is not nice or thoughtful - it is controlling and disrespectful in my opinion.

Ack. Just Ack.

Under*whatsits* are back. I love that word..

Massive yachts anybody?


More massive yachts

T in one hour and 40 mins

Thank goodness for journaling I can see more clearly what's going on. Paranoia's a b****! I couldn't figure out why I was having such a hard time being totally honest. Still hard...but not sure how it's going to happen but gotta happen tomorrow with T.

No - elk. Just elk.

Or cleaning your house before the housecleaner comes.

(((Healed)))
Yup, what Stopdog said. My ex used to do stuff like that to me. Particularly annoying because they then turn around and tell you that you're just being ungrateful if you complain. Passive aggressive nastiness.

(((bunyip)))

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(((healed))) i'm sorry your h is being like that. Mine is like that too, forever getting on my case about leaving a not-quite-empty soda can in my car, or for leaving my bag in the car (that I take in to work with me EVERY day so why bring it in the house?) he hardly ever even drives my car, but is always on my case about it. I try to just ignore him but sometimes it really upsets me.

I talked h into going for a drive today, we went to Tumacacori National Historic Park, about an hour south of where we live. It's a beautiful day, and while it did start out with him picking on me for leaving a soda can in the car (!) I just ignored him and threw it in the recycle bin before we left and we had a fun day. I took a lot of pictures, will share a couple here. Here's a close-up of one of the beautiful yellow flowers we found.

here's a couple more pics.

And, we walked a little ways on the Anza trail, just far enough to get a good trail pic:

So when I saw t yesterday and we talked about how during my break I'm going to fill out a new client information form as I re-assess where I'm at and what my goals are for going forward in therapy, along with the form she also gave me her "Client Services Agreement/ Disclosure/ Policies document because I told her I did not remember at all what the paperwork said it's been over 4 years since I read it. So I just read it today, and she actually does some really good explaining of what this work is all about. I'm proud of her for that. It talks about the therapeutic relationship, it talks about possible uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that may come up, it states that there are no guarantees of outcome, etc etc. Quite honestly, it says everything that I would WANT to read if I were to look for a new t in the future - now that I've been through 4+ years of my own process, I know exactly what I would want a possible t to be up front about. And she hits it all, in a 2 page document.

I am more amazed than ever that I got so lucky to find her - considering it was by "accident" that I did, while researching names of other t's and just stumbling upon her profile by chance.

I think it's helping me too, by reading her statement about the t-client relationship, to put it in the proper context in my mind/heart. I'll probably share that with her during my next session on Thursday.

It was very hard for me to alk about my voices to my T as well. However it has gotten a lot easier with time and practice. They do not like my T and say awful things about him and stuff he's going to do to me. At first I just told him they were there but not much about what they actually say. As I've grown to trust him and figuring out he isn't freaked out or anything I find it much easier to talk about them and even some of what they tell me...mostly so I can reality check with him. I hope you can get to a comfortable place with your T to talk about them. I've heard them since I was 16 and lived with it by myself for a long time so I know how painfully isolating and terrifying it can be.

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Your pictures are BEAUTIFUL!! Thank you for posting them. I so wanted to go to my trail today and my day was too full of things that had to be done.

I went in your trip with you.

Thank you!!

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My new-found ability to sit and stare into space for long periods of time is becoming a little frightening.

I have known my T for nearly 6 years now and almost trust him but it was still hard to tell him. A lot of the voices wanted to talk with him and were cheering when i actually told him. We went over a little bit of history today.