Therapist treating me like crap again--shocking, no?

But the OP, as I read it, did not ask for anyone's advice or opinion. Nor did she ask for anyone to be ok with it. Venting is venting. It's not necessary for people to render a verdict.

BTW, I would argue that the core issue here is not the OP's failure to get away from the dangerous T. And it's not the T's egregiously unethical behavior. The basic problem is the setup of therapy: jamming two people into a little room, encouraging entirely too much intimacy and intensity, too much isolation, and with a power differential that is just a slippery slope to abuse. Everyone wants to blame the bad apple T, or the weak client. What about the institution?

No judgement from me. I would never presume to force feed unsolicited advice to a complete stranger on anonymous internet forum. If I cant relate to the predicament and offer something directly relevant, I just leave the thread, maybe click "hugs" on my way out. Call me crazy. Vent all you want. The people that actually care will stick around.

I'm sorry if my previous comment caused you any upset. I wrote out of genuine concern for you. I know I don't know you, but I read your post and I wanted to let you know that you'd been heard. Looking back maybe I shouldn't have interjected my opinion, but I think almost everyone here commented because there's a real lack of professionalism on your T's behalf and we all want you to be okay.

Please don't leave because of us lot we care

Because you blame the institution at the risk of absolving all other parties. I don't believe people are helpless cogs swept toward some inevitable end by forces beyond their control. My T and I are jammed in a tiny room just like the OP and her T--just like everybody else here--and it's not luck or statistical aberration that we haven't exchanged nudes.

To the OP--I am sorry you are in this rotten and abusive situation. I hope things get better for you.

Not blaming op for what is going on.. Blaming the t for sure. I am just surprised that op would expect any support in her t relationship and expect not to get negative feedback about her t?

Not at all. Both client and T in this case are adults and are accountable, primarily the T. My point is that the elephant in the room is the institution of therapy.

I certainly don't absolve the T. He is out of control. But therapy is giving him, seemingly, a very convenient forum for acting out his urges and impulses. Therapy is making it way too easy and way too tempting for him and apparently many others. If that were not so, then I don't know why every single ethics code has to contain vigorous prohibitions against sexual impropriety.

They are the ones who set up the rules of the game - they are the ones who get blamed when things go awry - they set it up that way.

Just as education makes it too easy and too temping for pedophiles to **** children? Like the workplace makes it too convenient for bosses to exploit employees? Why else would there be such vigorous prohibitions against this behavior?

I'm sorry, BudFox, but when you look at a situation where a professional is behaving in an egregiously unethical way and say the core issue is anything BUT that professional's egregiously unethical behavior, you do absolve the abuser of some of the blame. You introduce a distraction that turns the eye away from the perpetrator and complicates a matter that is not complicated at all: Thou Shalt Not F*** The Patient.

There is no such thing as a slippery slope to abuse. There are cascading CHOICES that people make which they ought not to have.

Convenient circumstances do not create abusers; abusers create convenient circumstances.

Thanks, Argonaut. I am not familiar with the OP's history but when I read that her T was looking at nude pictures of her, that's a big WTF to me. It's unfortunate when people use a clearly out-of-bounds situation as yet another excuse to beat their personal anti-therapy drum.

OP, I'm sorry your T is failing you as a T in so many ways. He takes advantage of you and then does nothing to support you, and it seems like you're in real pain. I hope you can find what you need, whether with friends or a new T.

No need to be sorry.

The system trained and licensed this guy. It indoctrinated him and gave him power. It failed to weed him out then, it fails to weed him out still. Presumably he has a therapist, supervisor, and peers. Where are they? The burden is on clients to report him or he keeps doing damage.

How many stories of abuse before people look at the system? 1 in a 100? 2, 10, 50?

I hope the OP reports him and gets him taken out, if she is up to doing that.

OK, well, as someone who has been in your shoes -- it gives me the willies, actually, reading about how you can only get attention from him by offering yourself sexually, because that's exactly what happened to me, and it destroyed me emotionally -- I'm not going to judge you, but I will say this: yes, it is very hard, but if you wait until the day that something-or-other changes and it's magically easy, you will be waiting forever. There's a reason alcoholics don't wait for the day that they can drink without having problems to get sober. Otherwise it wouldn't be getting sober.

I had to stop seeing that dude before I was "ready". It was awful, but ultimately, the path I was on was worse.

I'm glad you see how people here reading your story is like you listening to your girlfriends in their bad relationship like . But I think you underestimate how many read it and see themselves, and are urging you to GTFO because they know it's the only way this is going to stop. It's unlikely you'll reach some insight that will make relating to men go more smoothly for you. Although I've had "a-ha" moments, I don't think I could even describe what it would be like for me to just be able to do everything right all the time, probably because nobody does and we all have our weaknesses. I have strict boundaries around men because that's what I need -- not because it became easy for me one day. Because if I didn't do it when I did, I'd have wrecked nearly everything I had going for me.

I wish you lots of luck. Your relationship with your T brings back memories I wish I didn't have. It's probably somewhat temporarily comforting to think about all the stuff you have on him that you could report him with -- but that is such a grueling process, and you can't even seem to bring yourself to stop seeing him, let alone go through everything you'd need to go through to report him. Work on getting him out of your life first. And don't wait for it to be easy.

Plus he's so old he'd probably die before anything got settled. Plus i dont see where he is treating wn badly. He gave her an appointment. If she wants to show him pictures, thats her choice. He cant force her to have an insight about it. He can only show whatsit unconditional positive regard. Its a tough job but someones got to do it! Sheesh. She is not a child. It may be unconventional but hey its california and he didnt used to be a freakin accountant.

He told a vulnerable client with a history of being in abusive relationships "I would f*** you nasty". Even that incident in isolation should be enough to have him struck off in my opinion.
One of the most fundamental principles of psychotherapy is 'do no harm'. Can you honestly say you see no harm being done here?

I wouldnt take the incident in isolation and make a huge decision on it. She didnt say how he was causing her harm now. I see him as meeting her where she is. What is she getting out of a bunch of old biddies (hey im one too) tsk-tsking her behavior? She doesnt need a t doing the same. He is giving her a safe place to experience her feelings. Hopefully work thru them. Imo. I see him responding to her needs. But then - she (sorry about the third person) for some reason is unable to simply accept that he is willing to help her, and believes he wants something from her first. Like a parent who will help you with your homework, but first you have to massage their feet or stg - they are more important than you and dont you forget it.

Winenot, are you ok? I'm sorry you are feeling judged. Low self-worth can overrule rational relationship decisions. I know the pull and power of these kind of relationships--they can be strongly addicting. Someone who is an alcoholic doesn't simply stop drinking alcohol when someone points out their pattern to them. A person who is a drug addict does not simply stop shooting up even when they know it is destroying their life. A person suffering from anorexia does not suddenly start eating, the person with binge eating...., etc. Maybe people just feel that they need to 'wake you up'? I know it takes time, please don't be hard on yourself.

Are you paying this guy to look at nude photos of you? Just thought that might be a deterrent.

Maybe if you could work on your self worth with another therapist, your need to be in these types of relationships will lessen and lessen? You have the awareness, you are one step closer... I wish you all the strength, too, so that you are able to free yourself from these situations.

Yes, that's true. convicted sex offenders (incl. pedophiles) in my country are not permitted to work in certain professions (e.g., high school teacher).

Did you go? PM me.

Sorry, things have been crazy. Sent you an email just now, in fact!

I agree that he is perfectly nice to me. And I don't know if I would call it, harm, per say, but definitely something that he probably shouldn't be doing? In a previous session, he has asked me to take pictures in certain explicit poses. He didn't specify that it was for him. Just that it would be "hot." I was thinking he would forget about it, but in my most recent session, he asked about them. I'm not resistant to taking such pictures or even showing him, but I'm also (somewhat) smart and know that this type of explicit behavior isn't allowed. It's definitely not like a parent, and he's expressed as much.

I know I was complaining in my original post about him treating me like crap, because of all of the above, and then him not responding to my text when I'm legitimately upset? Yes, not cool. But he did eventually respond. I'm not as mad anymore, of course.

So...I don't know. I go up and down. Sometimes I'm an emotional wreck and think he's taking advantage of me, and other times? I don't even care and just want to have fun with it/him. I'm quick to anger if I feel that he's wronged me. (ie not responding to my text in a timely fashion) Maybe that's what this is. I vacillate between getting off on this and feeling weird and gross. I'm not sure why.

This is horrible

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I unfortunately have been in this situation and I know the dynamics are confusing and dangerous...I know how hard it is to stop and leave. I'm not judging you winenot..I'm just genuinely concerned and disgusted by your therapist.

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I think you should listen to the part of you which finds it weird and gross. History shows (even people's stories on PC) that eventually, when he's had his fun, he will reject you and that is going to really hurt you. Not only the fact you have been used, but the fact you have been used again.
You might have heard of the repetition compulsion? The idea that an abused person will play out the same role in repeated relationships in the unconscious hope that the pattern can somehow play out differently. That is what your situation reminds me of, and it's really saddening because you deserve so much more.
A therapists job is to help you recognise those pattern and work to change them, not to re enforce them, which is what he is doing. He is damaging you, even if you feel as though you enjoy it on some level. He is a predator, and I find it incredibly sad that he is able to abuse, not just you, but probably many more vulnerable people too.
I am hoping he is reported soon. Even if you don't feel you can do that right now, I urge you to leave before things get a lot worse.

Well - now i have to go recuse myself. I think thats the right word

I just want to add you can anonymously contact TELL (Therapy Exploitation Link Line) and just talk to someone about what's going on. You don't have to name him or anything, but these guys are there to listen and not to judge you, and they've all been there as a client too. It might be a really useful tool for you. TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

It seems like there's quite a bit to investigate in these statements. Is this possibly revealing one motive for showing him the pictures? It sounds a little like you're doing it to make him like you more, which in turn will hopefully make him more responsive to you?

I am sorry that you're in a situation where you are being abused. I wish you the best on your journey and sincerely hope that you are able to find the strength to get out of this horrible situation.