Therapist treating me like crap again--shocking, no?

You say he is treating you like crap, you seem disgusted by his behavoir....and yet you enjoy it and would be annoyed if he stopped asking.

... I think you will need therapy to overcome this therapist.

I'm fairly sure he only treats adults. He probably breaks boundaries a lot with other clients, but I'm not sure how many would show him the stuff that I've shown him. I go overboard with things a lot..and again, he already knows this. I'm way too TMI and have shared things on purpose just to get him interested. So, essentially, I feel like whole thing is both our faults. I was the one asking for it, and he's just responding in a half-assed way.

It probably is just a game to him. He says he enjoys my company and likes being with me. There's another therapist I saw (Jungian), but unfortunately he's male. I would probably be better suited with a female, even though I felt the Jungian one was quite good. He didn't feel comfortable with me seeing two therapists at once, so I dropped him for the current one I see now.

None of this is your fault. That said, you will have to be the one to stop it. I hope you can do that before more damage is done.

I'm not sure what type of game he's playing, but I wish he would clue me in. I wouldn't mind showing him these things if he had more of a reaction to it. Instead, he looks at these pictures like a case study. At the most, he will tell me "that's hot," or give me suggestions on poses. But I notice he never EXPLICITLY tells me anything that most men would say when looking at pictures like that. Or maybe he thinks that I'm all talk and that I would just chicken out if we ended up getting physical? Maybe he thinks I don't really want it after all? Do I? I have no ****ing clue anymore.

I know, it sucks. He can't win either way. Neither can I. Either way, someone gets hurt or mad. He's damned if he does sleep with me, damned if he doesn't, because I feel so rejected and villainize him. I really do feel like half of this is my fault.

It is NOT your fault. It is HIS job and duty to not respond this way to your behavior. Yes, your behavior seems maladaptive and is prob something you could work through... but the responsibilities are in his court at this time. He is abandoning you by engaging in this dynamic with you. Here's the real truth: this is not going to end well. Can you imagine the end? How you might feel then? I thought I could in my situation, but I had no idea of what it really was going to do to me when it finally came.

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It's easier to believe we are playing a game in order to accept someone else's faults or abuses. I fear that you are not only not in control of this set up but will be deeply hurt by it.

You ar daring him to get physical with you, why? What will it prove? That he is bad or that you are desirable? This is a great place to start therapy I think but not with this guy. Maybe seek out a real therapist who can help without adding to your hurt.

Btw not your fault. An ethical T would have referred you.

Well, I disagree that you have no fault in this. You need to take responsibility for your actions. He is acting unethically and needs to knock that **** off but you show that you understand the implications also. You are OK with risking his career (since he is old anyhow) and making yourself an easy target... but you need to be honest...that IS your fault in this.

I take full responsibility for things I've said and done that are seductive. I didn't think he'd take any of my claims seriously, because nobody ever does. And granted, I don't think he is taking it THAT seriously, hence this whole game. I only mentioned that I take pictures. He's the one that asks me to see them every time, and brings it up. I don't even talk about it unless he does first.

No. She is the vulnerable party and he is the trained therapist with ALL the responsibility for the ethics of this relationship. He has spotted somebody's vulnerability and cynically preyed on it. He is a predator and this could happen to any vulnerable person.

Oh my lord

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*spontaneously combusts*

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What about personal responsability? yes the therapist is a pig, he's completely unethical and should absolutely lose his license. Yet the OP showed him the pictures on her own accord. Nobody forced her. She stays in that horrible relationship even though she knows it's terrible. Honestly it makes me sad. Sad for the OP.

I could walk in to my next session, show my therapist pictures of myself naked and tell him I wanted to f*** him if I wanted to. If I did that it would likely be the manifestation of a deeper need.
If I were to do that, my therapist would respectfully decline my advances and talk to me about what I am actually trying to express. He wouldn't have done anything wrong and neither would I have.
The only difference in WN's situation is the unethical actions of the therapist. His unethical actions do not make her actions, in the safe space of therapy, wrong.

Anyone who thinks this is your fault in any way is very clueless about ethics in therapy.

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I did not ever ask him once, "Do you want to see my pictures?" Again, it's always him. Never once would I ever presume that he wants more to do with me than just as a client. So, no, I didn't show them to him on my accord, I just didn't say no when he asked.

The reason it's not your fault is the power dynamic that is expected in a therapist/patient relationship. You're supposed to trust this person with your deepest feelings, your biggest secrets, and in return for that trust you're supposed to get (among other things) neutrality.

A big part of a therapist's job is being The Guy who you can talk to objectively, without fear of retaliation or judgment like if you went to your girlfriends. When they change that aspect of the job by not being an objective, neutral party anymore and entering into a closer relationship with you, that automatically puts you in a position to be hurt.

It's his job to protect you from the very situation you find yourself in right now: Wondering if he likes you sexually, vulnerable and confused about his reaction to you, expecting a level of support and not getting it (like with that text situation way back last month).

Whatever you do and whatever happens, please don't take the blame for it. The power levels in this professional relationship put him in the driver's seat and you're along for the ride.

Exactly! A year ago, I *did* tell my marriage counselor that I'm attracted to him "emotionally and physically," despite both of us being married (and him being my marriage counselor). I've also told him things before about wishing he could hold me. (No photos or direct propositions though.) My saying that was/is fine--as a client, I'm not expected to follow an ethical code. Had he in some way tried to pursue me romantically and/or sexually (he didn't), then he would have been in the wrong, no matter what I'd done or said. It's his job to hold the boundaries and the ethics. If he'd felt he couldn't deal with my feelings without taking advantage of me (or if he just felt uncomfortable), it would have been his responsibility to refer me/us to another therapist.

Instead, we ended up using the feelings/transference therapeutically.

Winenot, I don't get the sense that your T is using any of this therapeutically. I think he's just enjoying his power and the game. It's on him to hold the boundaries. You could volunteer to show him all kinds of photos, it's up to him to decline to look at them, or, if you shoved them in his face, to not compliment your poses and certainly not to suggest you pose with a vibrator...

SOME people or ts would think your (lt) mc is being too "open" and should have cut contact with you. If you dont want those people dictating to you how your therapy should be run, why are you trying to force your moral judgment on winenot's therapy? Winenot's t asks about what she is doing between sessions, even if we prudes are offended by what she does , just as your mc asks you about what you are doing between sessions, and i dont recall anybody throwing stones at him. How is it different? We dont know what is going on in your mc's head. We have this fantasy of oh poor guy he has a sick wife, but as bob dylan said "you know they refused jesus too, i said, you aint Him." Your mc might not be blameless. At least winenot's t is simply verbal during session, and there is no out of session contact, and given my experience with my decrepit old t, any "burning" eye contact is mitigated by cataracts and retinal damage!.

Unaluna, I think the difference is that the OP has expressed unhappiness about this situation--even the title (therapist treating like crap again) indicates that--whereas lt has never referred to her therapist or mc as treating her like crap. Nothing that the OP has said indicates this has been of benefit to her. I hope she finds lt's comments helpful.

I told my ex T that I desired her sexually. That actually was what I was trying to express. Having it immediately reframed as "transference" was not helpful. I definitely think other things could have been driving this, not least maternal longings, but that is more speculative, and I think one pitfall of therapy is that things are never allowed to just be what they appear to be. Eventually her whole narrative around my feelings for her became a sort of madness, as she looked for a way to make it therapeutic and avoid the obvious.

Also, two people in a closed room having an intimate relationship, intense feelings or desires arise, and then there is inevitably a discussion about who is responsible. But what about the circumstances? Being in that situation is bound to make people think and feel and do things that they might not otherwise. Not saying WN's T is off the hook at all though.

The thread might better belong in romantic feelings. It appears to me that the extent of the crap is just that he is not acknowledging her erotic transference? Idk - is she thinking, "why isnt he reacting, im showing him naked pictures of me!!" And hes thinking, "she knows i have a gf, she knows i dont sleep with clients - well, what doesnt kill me, makes me stronger, right?" Honestly, i dont know whats going on! But someone said earlier about game playing - i do know game playing with ts just wastes your money. They can do it FOREVER!

I don’t think this is your fault. You are in a desperate situation, demanding and pleading that this old man notice you. He hasn’t. You’ve had to chop yourself into chum, and continue to throw it his way, because he would not accept you, the whole person, winenot3, for the person you are, and want to be. I only know what you write hear, and I continuously pick up that he comments little, and these are your interpretations of what he thinks, or would say if there was no ethical considerations here; "I want you, winenote3.” His hands are tied So he skirts the fence, has crossed over the line, violated his ethical code according to you, and many on the forum.

You said he is former hippy musician, etc., and I wonder if he is not practicing like they did in the 60’s-80’s. Spoke to four of my former therapist, plus my standby, therapist. Two have been presented with naked pictures by their clients. One in her seventies, was a part of the California scene, when they did “Nude Therapy.” I thought she was joshing me since it was April fools, but she told me to look it up. Low and behold, it was sanctioned by the head of the American Psychological Association, Abraham Maslow. She experienced it in the 60’s, and had her favorite leather bikini stolen… She was not a big fan.

Your female roommate had/has him as a therapist, maybe you can find out from her what her experience has been like. I would not normally suggest this, but given you are in dire straits, you may have more concrete evidence, confirmation, proof, etc., that you are’t the only one being treated with such distain. Who knows, maybe you will hate him and be able to walk away a little bit sooner, if he has treated your roommate that way, or be jealous enough that you are not exclusively special to him. These are just a few thoughts, but I believe they will get you thinking, and possibly moving forward.

Nevertheless, your therapy is not working for you, because your therapist needs to practice with the ethics of today. Today's ethics are what you, I, and all that use these boards know.

I wish you well.