[missbella]

A therapist describes her bad therapy and how hard it was to leave.
Firing Your Therapist
She only ended when it was no longer part of her required training.
This is why I feel these entanglements call for compassion and self-compassion.

[Skeezyks]

The Skeezyks has quit every therapist he has ever seen.

[stopdog]

I found that a very interesting article.

I thought that was a very thoughtfully written article. I can relate to a lot of the writer's experience. It is so easy as the client to believe that you are doing something wrong and the reason why it isn't working is you. T1 was so sure of himself I felt it must be me causing the problem. If I hadn't taken a break from him and consulted with another T, I probably never would have left him.

As a trainee T, this resonated with me strongly:
"I attempt to repair some of my personal therapy wounds by trying to do better with my own clients."
If nothing else, I want to be able to say I have learnt from my experiences with T1, and that I understand what it is to be a vulnerable client. Similarly, as a parent, I aim to break the cycle of poor parenting which has permeated the maternal side of my family, and to have a healthy, stable relationship with my children.

Also, the bit about the underwear was disgusting. Reminds me of using T1's toilet and finding he hadn't flushed (only urine thank God!) but that underwear story is more than I could take!

[JaneTennison1]

Thank you for this. This therapy experience felt terrible but was also very validating to hear that they can even fool one of their own into going back and trying to have their needs met. What hope does a vulnerable person have?

[SkyscraperMeow]

I would never, ever, ever in a million, trillion, gazillion years see a therapist who didn't have the gumption and self preservation to get a new therapist after discovering that hers was a hoarder who left blood stained underwear lying around.

People who don't have their own emotional houses in order (and this includes being able to easily make good decisions for themselves, like not paying a raving maniac to not give them therapy for five years) should not be therapists.

Both the person who wrote this and the 'therapist' she saw seem like complete trainwrecks.

And then the comments... nobody is really condemning this. It's all navel gazing and hmming and hawing about valuable experiences, etc.

The field of therapy would be greatly enriched by therapists climbing out of their own butt holes once in a while and questioning whether someone who paid a hoarder to give them therapy for five years should be allowed access to the big girl scissors, let alone allowed to actually give others therapy.

[growlycat]

Thanks for the link! I often wonder "Is is just me or does T have issues too??"

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

I thought this article was fascinating, both for the train wreck of bad therapy she had (just a good story well written) and because it was thought provoking about where this all led her. She said:

"My work as a psychotherapist has helped me see that my wants and needs as a client were legitimate. They were nothing to be ashamed of, or hide, or regret. I had a right to want more from my therapist, and I encourage my clients to expect nurturing and care from me.I had a right to want more from my therapist, and I encourage my clients to expect nurturing and care from me. I encourage them to want connection and attunement. I give my clients what I wish my therapist had given me, so in that sense, my work has also been therapeutic for me. And my experience of bad therapy has helped me become a better therapist because I know very well what doesn’t work and what isn’t helpful."

I really like the way she thinks about encouraging clients in their needs and wants. Maybe that is where the soul of therapy really is. I think that has definitely been something that has been useful to me in and out of therapy-- as maybe for some people (perhaps this now-therapist) she knew what she needed and wanted. But I haven't always, and just recognizing what I want or need has been pretty life changing at times. And then to ask my T for it, directly, has been really scary. Sometimes she's been willing but it turned out for other reasons that she couldn't, sometimes she has said no, sometimes she has said yes and it happened and it wasn't a big deal, sometimes it was.

Thanks for posting the article. Lots to think about from the great storytelling she does about what she experienced.

[clairelisbeth]

Great article! Thanks for posting

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Awesome article. Her story was pretty fascinating (as well as unfortunate). Glad things turned around and that she was able to use her bad therapy as a source to help others.

[unaluna]

Well, once somebody mentioned underpants, i HAD to read it!

I see a parallel between how she regards her parents and this E. I think thats why E kept telling her, this is about you, not me. I would say my therapy with my previous t/pdoc was very similar - he was cold too. I dont think that attitude works with traumatized clients. We need, because we have never had, as dr phil says, a soft place to land. I think computers and psychology are similar in that to be good at them, you need to be good at right AND left brain stuff - you need logic AND flight.

[Tangerine87]

I also did and really feeling awful. It feels like I was abandoned even though I did the quitting.

[missbella]

Originally Posted by Tangerine87

I also did and really feeling awful. It feels like I was abandoned even though I did the quitting.

I definitely was abandoned in that the co-therapists abandoned professional responsibility and behaved like controlling, selfish abandoned children.

Originally Posted by missbella

I definitely was abandoned in that the co-therapists abandoned professional responsibility and behaved like controlling, selfish abandoned children.

I'm glad I realized therapy is not a good path to healing.

What a great article, thank you for posting! I think the experience of bad therapy and how not to do therapy can be the biggest learning for a t in training.
This E woman sounds vile, I think it does bring up a lot of the t in trainings issues around past relationships and staying in abusive relationships (therapeutic or other) longer than needed. It also highlights her need to try and fix things!
I remember using ts toilet once and there were skid marks too, at first I was beyond disgusted because she is so prim and proper. It really knocked her off the pedestal she was perched on and I also saw that she was just a human being like me who had a very bad case of the trots that morning. She also probably nearly died when I asked her if I could use her toilet

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[unaluna]

Just sayin' - skid marks etc could have been left behind by another client. The underpants in question could have been the daughter's, or again a client. We dont know.

Originally Posted by unaluna

Just sayin' - skid marks etc could have been left behind by another client. The underpants in question could have been the daughter's, or again a client. We dont know.

Mmmmmm, maybe they were both left by a client- the t was a hoarder, maybe she keeps everything clients leave behind.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Mmmmmm, maybe they were both left by a client- the t was a hoarder, maybe she keeps everything clients leave behind.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by growlycat

Haha, run for the hills.......

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk