[WinterRose]

T told me to try and prepare myself to come from a place of strength on Monday when I see my pdoc for perhaps the last (gulp) time. I'm not sure how to do that. But I did get an idea to help me say goodbye and forgive him. I bought him a gift - small mementos as remembrances. It helped me today to do that. I put a note with it explaining what the things meant. They were these little rings of metal you can get at Hallmark with words on them and I told him why I choose the ones I did. I also included a little card with that quote on it about passing this way but once and doing the good you can do now.

T also reminded me that we don't know what's going on in pdoc's life and why these things are happening and he could be going through a difficult time too. That helps me be more forgiving of the fact that he hasn't communicated with me or responded to me at all since I found out.

<font color="#880000">5 more days to endure and then the scary last meeting (Next Monday)</font>

[dreamrunner]

Good luck with apt Winterose......will be thinking of you.

[Christina86]

((((((((((WinterRose)))))))))))

I hope things go okay.

[(JD)]

I think it's very mature thinking about what a T or Pdoc might be going through while assessing their response or lack of it in our lives. You sound like you're doing quite well in this endeavor. I hope things smooth out for you soon. TC

[WinterRose]

Thanks Sky - It was T's mature thought. It's calmed me down a little bit - hopefully enough to last til Monday. Now I'm worried that he'll be unhappy about the little gift I put together. I guess I'm worrying about everything. If only it were over and things were settled again. It's already been 2.5 weeks of torture for me and by the time I will see him it will have been 3 weeks of nearly constant desperate panic. The confusing part for me is how volatile I can be - I'll be fine and not thinking about it and then all of a sudden I'm floored again and thinking desperately. Torture is not too strong a word - I feel like I'm being ripped away from safety and security. I've already gone a little mad and sent an angry fax to his boss-actually I think it might have been three, I'm not sure. Eek. I just lose it. As much as I dread it, Monday can't come too soon.