[itjustis]

I'm struggling with my maternal transference for T and the Easter break has magnified it badly. My heart sometimes aches and it's painful. T says no contact over the break but if it's an emergency then ok.
I'm really stuck in the thick of this and it's frustrating because I don't want these feelings for T.
Is there anything I can do? Or anything T can do to help me through it?
Is there anything out there I can read to normalise these feelings?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Miri22]

I'm sorry you're going through this...I know how very painful it is. I'm mainly past mine now, but staying busy and surprisingly, exercising (walking) helped me somewhat when I was going through it. It didn't stop the thoughts but I felt more upbeat and stronger.

[wheeler]

There are a couple things that help ease it a bit for me too, exercise and keeping busy. Easier said than done though. Maybe a Netflix binge? Just something to keep my my mind occupied.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Miri22

I'm sorry you're going through this...I know how very painful it is. I'm mainly past mine now, but staying busy and surprisingly, exercising (walking) helped me somewhat when I was going through it. It didn't stop the thoughts but I felt more upbeat and stronger.

Thank you. I have a lot to do over Easter so I'll be busy most days. It's just when I stop and have time to think.
It's frustrating too because I know where it stems from. I'm starting to think I won't ever get past this and that's a real killer.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by wheeler

There are a couple things that help ease it a bit for me too, exercise and keeping busy. Easier said than done though. Maybe a Netflix binge? Just something to keep my my mind occupied.

Thank you. I have a long list on Netflix so I'll get onto that when I can

[PinkFlamingo99]

How long do your therapists usually take for Easter? We don't have a break here exvept Good Friday.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by itjustis

Thank you. I have a lot to do over Easter so I'll be busy most days. It's just when I stop and have time to think.
It's frustrating too because I know where it stems from. I'm starting to think I won't ever get past this and that's a real killer.

Where do you think it stems from? I had it with ex-T and it was awful. I understand the pain and longing. I have it with new T. but in such a different way. Because she gives more, I don't feel as needy. Her temperament is so different that it helps relax my feelings. With ex-T. I just tried to keep busy as everyone suggested. I also write her letters between sessions to get out all my feelings. Sometimes I read them to her and sometimes I didn't.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

How long do your therapists usually take for Easter? We don't have a break here exvept Good Friday.

Nearly 3 weeks. Seems such a long time!

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by itjustis

I'm struggling with my maternal transference for T and the Easter break has magnified it badly. My heart sometimes aches and it's painful. T says no contact over the break but if it's an emergency then ok.
I'm really stuck in the thick of this and it's frustrating because I don't want these feelings for T.
Is there anything I can do? Or anything T can do to help me through it?
Is there anything out there I can read to normalise these feelings?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My heart goes out to you. (But is what you're feeling transference or attachment ? Transference has a lot of influence on attachment, but they aren't the same thing.) Regardless, I still understand what you're feeling. I don't have any suggestions to help manage what you're feeling, other than talking with your T about how you feel. Can you do that - or have you done that? Sounds terribly difficult, but it really isn't so hard once you get a running start... The way I did it was to take in my notes from the last few days of my journaling in which I note at the end that "I never intended to become attached to you." I had to read the journal entries and after I read the last line, T simply asked, quite matter-of-factly, "Are you feeling you're becoming attached?" And I said, "Pretty sure." (When I left the appt., T was still sitting and making notes with that slight smile s/he gets on her/his face when s/he's thinking..."Finally!") If you don't journal, you could simply write something to your T about how you feel to give to her/him at your next appt.

Good luck. Therapy sure is hard, sometimes.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by UglyDucky

My heart goes out to you. (But is what you're feeling transference or attachment ? Transference has a lot of influence on attachment, but they aren't the same thing.) Regardless, I still understand what you're feeling. I don't have any suggestions to help manage what you're feeling, other than talking with your T about how you feel. Can you do that - or have you done that? Sounds terribly difficult, but it really isn't so hard once you get a running start... The way I did it was to take in my notes from the last few days of my journaling in which I note at the end that "I never intended to become attached to you." I had to read the journal entries and after I read the last line, T simply asked, quite matter-of-factly, "Are you feeling you're becoming attached?" And I said, "Pretty sure." (When I left the appt., T was still sitting and making notes with that slight smile s/he gets on her/his face when s/he's thinking..."Finally!") If you don't journal, you could simply write something to your T about how you feel to give to her/him at your next appt.

Good luck. Therapy sure is hard, sometimes.

I think you might be right about the attachment. I'll do some research so I can understand it better. I've tried to talk about my feelings for her to her but haven't been brave enough to really dig in! It's something I need to do and at the next session (which seems like years away) I will do just that, no matter how painful. The only way out is through, right?! I'm living by this saying at the moment!
I have written letters about other things I've struggled saying, just not about this. But I think this is something that needs to be verbalised...at least for me.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by itjustis

I think you might be right about the attachment. I'll do some research so I can understand it better. I've tried to talk about my feelings for her to her but haven't been brave enough to really dig in! It's something I need to do and at the next session (which seems like years away) I will do just that, no matter how painful. The only way out is through, right?! I'm living by this saying at the moment!
I have written letters about other things I've struggled saying, just not about this. But I think this is something that needs to be verbalised...at least for me.

I think you demonstrate a good mental attitude toward working on how to get through these painful feelings. A member from PC gave her definition of transference and attachment a couple of years ago. I'm including it below and hope it gives you a start on figuring out what you want to do. Again, it's not easy...but if your T is someone you trust, talking about it with her is the best way to deal with it.

Attachment is the emotional bond that the client has with the therapist. It can be secure, insecure ambilivant or insecure avoidant. A secure client feels safe in the knowledge the therapist is there for them and is able to experience a close, yet not clingy or overly dependent, bond with them as an important figure with which to do emotional work. but an insecure client generally distrusts the therapist and struggles to retain a sense of them as caring, consistent and there for them. This can be experienced either through clingyness or through avoidance of the emotional bond, shutting off feelings etc.

Transference can heavily influence attachment. It is basically the feelings and experiences and expectations that the client is transfering UPON the therapist from previous relationships. It can be conscious or unconscious, but usually the latter. So if a client experienced previous relationships as rejecting and not meeting their emotional needs, the client will assume or fear the therapist will react the same towards them. This results in an insecure attachment to the therapist.

This is simplified but hope it makes sense.

[junkDNA]

I have paternal transference for my T. We've talked about it a few times. He even told me he had the same feelings for his T when he was in therapy!!! He assures me it's common and normal. Hearing him say he's felt similar things helped me... because I wanted to know if he understood how painful it can be at times. I would encourage you to talk about it... I felt relieved when I told my T how I was feeling about him. I am also quite attached to him which he knows about as well.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am sorry you are struggling with transference and this break from seeing your T. I have struggled with both myself and still do. What has helped me is to internalize my T and stuff she has taught me. Also she gave me a transitional object which is a crystal gemstone. She said it represents our connection and relationship. Its helpful to hold it and know that what we have is real and its healing.