[Elkino]

I have no clue whether I'm exaggerating, but given what happened in my country this week (I live in Belgium) and my T knowing I work in Brussels and so I'm there every single day...
I think I expected an email or a text message, asking whether I'm doing well.
But it didn't happen.

And I feel very guilty, because what the hell am I worrying about right now, while all of those victims suffer(ed) so much. But it keeps haunting me. I have issues with not feeling valued and self-esteem and now I completely feel like nobody really cares.

I almost feel like not showing up for my next appointment this week. Although I know it wouldn't help me either. But I don't know how I could ever mention how I feel right now. And don't know how I can work with a T who doesn't really care either...
Sometimes T asked me to send her a message when something big was happening in my life and it all feels so meaningless right now.

I don't know how I could not let this influence me in a bad way. Wondering whether it may be a kind of 'lesson', maybe she's too busy, maybe...

[SarahSweden]

I would most probably think like you and be disappointed about a T not calling or texting when she knew what was going on. Perhaps she has a policy that says she won´t call or text you but you can text or call her?

Perhaps she thinks it´s too much like a personal relationship if she would call or text you after she heard on the news about the terror attacks? I don´t mean I defend her in any way but perhaps she thinks it would be too much of personal involvement if she for example called clients when they had to go to hospital or when some accident happened in their family.

Just my thoughts, I think it´s some kind of regular policy behind this. If I were you I´d send her a text or an e-mail about my experiences and then waited for her answer and then evaluated if I thought it felt caring or not.

Originally Posted by Elkino

I have no clue whether I'm exaggerating, but given what happened in my country this week (I live in Belgium) and my T knowing I work in Brussels and so I'm there every single day...
I think I expected an email or a text message, asking whether I'm doing well.
But it didn't happen.

And I feel very guilty, because what the hell am I worrying about right now, while all of those victims suffer(ed) so much. But it keeps haunting me. I have issues with not feeling valued and self-esteem and now I completely feel like nobody really cares.

I almost feel like not showing up for my next appointment this week. Although I know it wouldn't help me either. But I don't know how I could ever mention how I feel right now. And don't know how I can work with a T who doesn't really care either...
Sometimes T asked me to send her a message when something big was happening in my life and it all feels so meaningless right now.

I don't know how I could not let this influence me in a bad way. Wondering whether it may be a kind of 'lesson', maybe she's too busy, maybe...

Are you sure your T's OK?

[Myrto]

I live in Belgium too, in Brussels.
I saw my T on Tuesday morning right when the terrorist attacks were happening. So my T knew I was safe. But if she hadn't known I would have totally expected at least a text from her.
You're not being irrational or selfish, those are exceptional circumstances and I think a text to ask you whether you are ok isn't asking much. It sucks she didn't send anything.
Hugs.

[stopdog]

I would not expect the ones I see to text or check up on me. It would be weird to me if they did.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Elkino

...Sometimes T asked me to send her a message when something big was happening in my life and it all feels so meaningless right now....

Maybe she hasn't reached out because the understanding is that if it was affecting you really badly you would?


Maybe she thinks your silence means you have a handle on things, and reaching out could hinder your progress...


Unless she normally initiates outside contact ?


I obviously have no clue what the reality of the situation is, just trying to offer a different perspective.

It might be a bit much to expect a therapist to call each and every client just to check on them. You always have the option to call and ask to check in if you are feeling unsettled because of what is going on. That would seem a better approach as a therapist probably has quite a few clients. Sometimes we have to realize it is really okay to just ask for what we need, so if something is going on that is upsetting or triggering for us and we need to check in, we have to advocate for ourselves and pick up that phone or send that email.

It is also quite possible your T is directly involved in working with clients who were directly impacted or could even have been called in to work with victims, etc. I know when events happen in our area that, for instance, might affect one particular campus heavily, our counselors get moved to those campuses to assist, etc.

Whatever the case, it sounds like your T has let you know in the past that you are welcome to contact her when something major is going on for you. Maybe you should take her up on that and give her a call just to check in.

[Pennster]

I can understand how you might feel hurt! But do you think it might be that your therapist knows you can check in if you are not ok?

My therapist is extremely open to between-session contact, but he would never initiate it. He doesn't want to put himself in the position of inserting himself into my life this way, and I really appreciate that. I adore my therapist, but I don't want him to be popping up on my phone when I'm not expecting it. That would make me anxious and freak me out.

Do you think she might have that philosophy? I think it might be a good idea to call her and tell her you were anxious to connect or whatever - that way you can give her an opportunity to demonstrate her caring and let you know that you need to see it.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Are you sure your T's OK?

Yes, I do know T's fine.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by Myrto

I live in Belgium too, in Brussels.
I saw my T on Tuesday morning right when the terrorist attacks were happening. So my T knew I was safe. But if she hadn't known I would have totally expected at least a text from her.
You're not being irrational or selfish, those are exceptional circumstances and I think a text to ask you whether you are ok isn't asking much. It sucks she didn't send anything.
Hugs.

Thanks! I think these are quite extraordinary circumstances... So yeah, I expected 'something'.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by Pennster

I can understand how you might feel hurt! But do you think it might be that your therapist knows you can check in if you are not ok?

My therapist is extremely open to between-session contact, but he would never initiate it. He doesn't want to put himself in the position of inserting himself into my life this way, and I really appreciate that. I adore my therapist, but I don't want him to be popping up on my phone when I'm not expecting it. That would make me anxious and freak me out.

Do you think she might have that philosophy? I think it might be a good idea to call her and tell her you were anxious to connect or whatever - that way you can give her an opportunity to demonstrate her caring and let you know that you need to see it.

Never really thought about this. I, most of the time, initiate the contact of course. But it has happened in the past that T contacted me first. So, especially in these circumstances, it seem to me that (despite the policies etc) this would be a case where she definitely could contact me.
But if she doesn't, I guess there is a reason for that and I have to accept it.
And as some people have said here too... She probably knows I would contact her if I needed her.
I still don't really get it, but I'm trying to...

[cinnamon_roll]

Originally Posted by Elkino

I almost feel like not showing up for my next appointment this week. Although I know it wouldn't help me either. But I don't know how I could ever mention how I feel right now. And don't know how I can work with a T who doesn't really care either...
Sometimes T asked me to send her a message when something big was happening in my life and it all feels so meaningless right now.

I can understand that you feel disappointed by your T. Or maybe even abandoned in a way?
Instead of just "punishing" her for "not caring enough about you" by not showing up next time - have you ever thought about talking to her about how this feels for you and why? If you cannot imagine doing this, what stops you?

Ultimately, by not showing up you are probably hurting yourself much more and the message this is supposed (I'm assuming here...) to get across to your T might not even register with her. So telling her directly how you feel about this situation might be an alternative way of dealing with your disappointment and hurt. Or you could write her a letter /e-mail if you find talking about it too difficult...

Sending you warm and safe hugs.
c_r

[iheartjacques]

Mine has never had out of session contact with me. It's like he has me in a box just for that time slot every fortnight and doesn't think of me outside of that. I wouldn't get any messages from any of my practitioners say if a bomb went off in my area. I think they wait for the news.

[Argonautomobile]

What a terrible thing that happened in your country. I'm so sorry you're facing that trauma--and I do think it could and would be traumatic, even if you weren't as directly affected as others.

I've had the experience of other people just knowing. Somehow, without any word or action on my part, just knowing how I'm feeling and what I want/need. And it's wonderful. There's something almost supernatural about that kind of attunement.

Unfortunately, I've also found this to be the exception rather than the rule. Usually people need to be prompted, need some indication from you, that you are needing/wanting X. Something might seem obvious from our point of view, but from the other person's point of view? Well, let's just say it's hard for a thought like "So-and-so is probably feeling X, an I bet they need Y" to just spontaneously occur when you're constantly bombarded by everything closer to home, up to and including those involuntary thoughts like "Wow. This chair hurts my butt."

This doesn't mean that the person doesn't care, or that you're less important than their butt, just that, most of the time, communication is essential.

[AncientMelody]

perhaps she doesn't remember who works where? It can be hard to keep track of demographics out of context

[Elkino]

Just wanted to let you all know that eventually T contacted me.
It felt weird though, after 10 days.
And then I realized it didn't make much sense that I felt bad about it either. It wouldn't have helped in any way, even if something would have happened to me.
Or well... maybe it would have been able to keep my T from worrying, but I guess that wasn't very much the case after all.

[tinyrabbit]

Sorry this has made you feel like this but it's not really appropriate for your t to check up on you in this way.