[rainbow8]

I didn't email my T one word about last session. I did email her once, asking a scheduling question, and another time for no good reason, but I never mentioned my last session.

So, what I noticed was that the lack of email contact bothered me more than not discussing my last session. My T answered my scheduling question and wished me a good weekend. That's all. Also, since I didn't email much, I don't feel so connected to her. I will tell her that tomorrow. I didn't like not having more of an interaction with her. If this is what independence feels like, I'm not ready!!

I am going to have to tell her my reactions to last session and jump in where I left off. I want it to be a productive session but if she suggests losing 20 pounds again like it's so simple, I think I'm going to scream! She also mentioned my bad posture for the first time ever, and I felt triggered because my parents used to say, " You're so pretty, but you need to stand up straight." I told T I hate the way I look, and she was being practical but I wanted to be understood, not offered advice. Her advice is good but it's hard to put into practice. Plus, now I know she has noticed the way I sit for 6 years. That makes me feel humiliated, embarrassed, and ashamed. For me, this subject is harder to talk about than sex! For once, I'm NOT looking forward to my session.

[rainbow8]

Thanks for the hugs. I'm afraid T and I will argue today. I want a reality check on my appearance. I don't think I really look as awful as some of my photos, but maybe I do! I don't know what to believe about myself and it's hard to make T understand. Maybe it's black and white thinking? I'm either ugly or pretty. I'm probably in between but do the photos lie that much? This is so pathetic because I know what is inside matters more, but I'm stuck!! I'm ashamed of caring so much. Does anyone have ideas about how to tell T the problem? Last week she tried to ask " is there a part of your body you like?" but I insisted on her looking at my "fat photos". That's when she suggested better posture.

I'm scared more than ever, of discussing this with T!! Please, someone, respond to this post.

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs...Definitely tell her you were upset by what she said. Maybe she said the posture thing because she thought it would be a quick way to improve how you look in a picture? Between that and the weight loss thing, it sounds like she's trying to give you advice/tell you what to do rather than just listen. Or talk about where those feelings of being ugly are coming from (and what that means). So I would open by saying that you were upset by what she said last time, that it's not helpful for you to hear suggestions about weight loss/posture/etc. And then maybe try to figure out what you do want to talk about and what would help you?

Also, I forget whether the no-e-mailing for a week thing was your idea or hers. But definitely talk about its effect on you, too. Could you maybe still e-mail her, but just less often?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs...Definitely tell her you were upset by what she said. Maybe she said the posture thing because she thought it would be a quick way to improve how you look in a picture? Between that and the weight loss thing, it sounds like she's trying to give you advice/tell you what to do rather than just listen. Or talk about where those feelings of being ugly are coming from (and what that means). So I would open by saying that you were upset by what she said last time, that it's not helpful for you to hear suggestions about weight loss/posture/etc. And then maybe try to figure out what you do want to talk about and what would help you?

Also, I forget whether the no-e-mailing for a week thing was your idea or hers. But definitely talk about its effect on you, too. Could you maybe still e-mail her, but just less often?

LT, thanks very much for answering. I was starting to wonder if everyone put me on ignore because I did not get even one response to my thread " maybe it was love"! I didn't ask any question so maybe that's the reason. I noticed that I can handle "no responses" even though that never happened to me ever before. But in this thread I did want some help.

I also think T gave me too much advice last week. It may help or backfire. I will probably start out sitting up very straight! I know what I want. The truth from her about how I look so I can will not be confused anymore. Then to talk about my Mom and that anatomy stuff.

It would never be my idea not to email! She wanted to see if I could journal or post here or talk to a friend instead of emailing her right after my session to process it. I told her no but thought I would try. I have to ask if other emailing is okay. She still says email is fine, but our goal is not to have to do it, at least the processing part. I have to leave for my appointment in about 15 minutes and am getting super scared!!!

[Waterbear]

Sorry I didn't reply earlier Rainbow, and I didn't see your other thread. I was not in a place to reply earlier and don't feel I have much to offer you either right now except thoughts. Thoughts are with you for your session, good luck for talking about what you want to and I am pleased that you managed the week without emailing your pricessing if that is what you want. Best wishes.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

LT, thanks very much for answering. I was starting to wonder if everyone put me on ignore because I did not get even one response to my thread " maybe it was love"! I didn't ask any question so maybe that's the reason. I noticed that I can handle "no responses" even though that never happened to me ever before. But in this thread I did want some help.

I also think T gave me too much advice last week. It may help or backfire. I will probably start out sitting up very straight! I know what I want. The truth from her about how I look so I can will not be confused anymore. Then to talk about my Mom and that anatomy stuff.

It would never be my idea not to email! She wanted to see if I could journal or post here or talk to a friend instead of emailing her right after my session to process it. I told her no but thought I would try. I have to ask if other emailing is okay. She still says email is fine, but our goal is not to have to do it, at least the processing part. I have to leave for my appointment in about 15 minutes and am getting super scared!!!

Glad I could help and hope your appointment went well!

Out of curiosity, why doesn't she want you to e-mail processing your session? Do you expect a long response from her? My T realizes that I process a lot by writing (and also in the drive home from therapy), so it helps me to type out an e-mail to her afterward (and often after a marriage counseling session, too). I'm sure I drive her nuts with the length of some of my e-mails, but she seems OK with it. She doesn't generally respond (on occasion she does, like to say I had some good insight), but we'll discuss it next session, assuming I want to. She said she has another client who does the same. Plus T and I both have English degrees, so I think she gets where I'm coming from with the processing through writing.