[AnxiousGirl]

I dont know how much of this I can handle anymore, I really have 0 courage to continue living this way.

About an hour or so ago I noticed these tiny red spots under my skin (which btw happened 2 years ago and I googled and said it was the C word so I worried myself for 2 years about it). I THINK I scratched that area but I'm not sure when, or I fell on it two days ago, which I also dont remember if it was on that particular spot on my thighs.

SO yeah. Here I am, crying, not eating, sitting in bed, just wanting not to live anymore. I have a therapy session tomorrow and I have 0 energy or motivation to even get myself there. I want to cancel right now but I dont know if I should.

I got blood work done about a month ago because my anxiety about my health was really high so it was in the best interest that I get my health checked then work on my anxiety and everything came back 100% normal. So now, I'm sitting here thinking my doctor missed something (which I HIGHLY doubt). Everywhere on the internet is saying that this type of rash is associated with the C word but a month ago my blood work was all clear. THEN, I had another health anxiety episode in which I thought I had a brain tumour and heart disease, went to the ER at 3 in the morning, and was told everything was associated with anxiety.

Can something else cause these things? I really need help right now. My anxiety is through the roof.

[JaneTennison1]

If you scratch yourself, especially through clothes, you get blood blisters. Is it possible this is what is? I get this on my thighs a fair bit.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

If you scratch yourself, especially through clothes, you get blood blisters. Is it possible this is what is? I get this on my thighs a fair bit.

I remember itching that area through my jeans or sweatpants but I cant remember what day it was or anything like that. Another thing that may have caused it is that I bought new pears of jeans and wore them for the first time about 2 days ago and they were pretty tight. Thats why it's scaring me like what if it wasnt from that. But then my bloodwork was 100% fine I'm in such a bad place right now.

[precaryous]

Perhaps arrange an appointment with a dermatologist?

When I am anxious about something like that, I need a plan. Knowing that I have a plan to find answers usually helps diminish my anxiety.

Hope this helps.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Perhaps arrange an appointment with a dermatologist?

When I am anxious about something like that, I need a plan. Knowing that I have a plan to find answers usually helps diminish my anxiety.

Hope this helps.

I am thinking of doing that. But I need reassurance that I'm healthy but I literally got bloodwork done less than a month ago. I hope I don't chicken out tomorrow at therapy. I want to tell her.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

I remember itching that area through my jeans or sweatpants but I cant remember what day it was or anything like that. Another thing that may have caused it is that I bought new pears of jeans and wore them for the first time about 2 days ago and they were pretty tight. Thats why it's scaring me like what if it wasnt from that. But then my bloodwork was 100% fine I'm in such a bad place right now.

Did you wash the jeans before wearing them? If not, could be a reaction to the dye. Or just from them being tight. I have very sensitive skin that seems to react to everything. I know it's hard (I have health anxiety too!) but try to stop googling and give it a couple days to see what happens.

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Can something else cause these things? I really need help right now. My anxiety is through the roof.

Googling WebMD too much? Just giving you a hard time.

Seriously though, you already realize there is nothing to worry about, yet you are worried about it anyway. Gotta stay off the medical websites; you are just driving yourself crazy. You already know you've been given a clean bill of health recently.

Some people, me included, just have skin that reacts to EVERYTHING. Hardly a day goes by without some bump or bruise or itchy spot or rash that I have no idea where it came from or what caused it; it's just what skin does for many people. Try to get your mind of something completely non-health related. Get out of your bed; go outside for a walk; watch an intriguing movie. You have to stop feeder your fears. I know. Easier said than done, but it does require changing what you are currently doing as at least a start.

Hope your emotions and anxiety settle down for you.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks everyone. I know, googling is killing me. I keep telling myself that I'm healthy and if anything was wrong it would have shown on the test. I decided to watch a movie in my living room for a bit. Hopefully it helps. I also decided to write out my fears and bring them with me to therapy tomorrow instead of talking or chickening out.

[atisketatasket]

If you can't stop thinking about this, and it doesn't sound like you can, try to think about it differently.

Do what diagnosticians do. Look for the pattern, not at any one symptom. Do they fit together? A two-day rash is not alarming if it's not part of a pattern.

Play the odds. Factor in your age, gender, family history...what are the odds you have X? They are probably not very high for most conditions you're Googling.

Obsess not in the sense of sitting around crying but write every single odd symptom down. Leg itches? Write it down. When, how long, time of day, severity, possible factors like you just ate, etc. Write down what you eat, how long you slept, what exercise you did and for how long. That way you can see if there's a pattern.

Modern medicine is far from perfect, but there are treatments for most conditions. Cancer, for instance. The treatment may not be pleasant, and it may ultimately fail, but having condition X is far from being a death sentence. And most conditions are more treatable the earlier they are caught - and you are obviously on top of any possible symptoms.

And ask yourself what the cause of the anxiety is. Fear of death/dying/hospitals/doctors/losing control? A passive death wish?

[junkDNA]

Pretty much everything on WebMD will say cancer. Prob best to trust an actual doctor than a website

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[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

If you can't stop thinking about this, and it doesn't sound like you can, try to think about it differently.

Do what diagnosticians do. Look for the pattern, not at any one symptom. Do they fit together? A two-day rash is not alarming if it's not part of a pattern.

Play the odds. Factor in your age, gender, family history...what are the odds you have X? They are probably not very high for most conditions you're Googling.

Obsess not in the sense of sitting around crying but write every single odd symptom down. Leg itches? Write it down. When, how long, time of day, severity, possible factors like you just ate, etc. Write down what you eat, how long you slept, what exercise you did and for how long. That way you can see if there's a pattern.

Modern medicine is far from perfect, but there are treatments for most conditions. Cancer, for instance. The treatment may not be pleasant, and it may ultimately fail, but having condition X is far from being a death sentence. And most conditions are more treatable the earlier they are caught - and you are obviously on top of any possible symptoms.

And ask yourself what the cause of the anxiety is. Fear of death/dying/hospitals/doctors/losing control? A passive death wish?

I've had 2 family members lose their life to the disease and ever since then my anxiety has been through the roof. I've been to the doctor and had blood work all of which were 100% normal and healthy. I just can't control the anxiety.

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Pretty much everything on WebMD will say cancer. Prob best to trust an actual doctor than a website

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Yup. Internet sites will have a list of possibles -- everything from your pants are too tight to cancer. You hone in on the worst possible scenario when mostly the cause isn't even on the list because it is really just nothing but skin being skin. Stay off the internet searching. You just feed your fears that way. Why do that to yourself? Go with what you know. You are young, healthy, and EVERYONE has aches and pains and bumps and bruises and itches and sneezes, etc. every single day that mean absolutely nothing healthwise. Rather than focus on finding some obscure health cause, work on what you are really afraid of? It probably isn't really about health but more about fear of control or authority being taken away or losing the ability to cope with life, etc. If you really were sick, what would you get out of that?

[skeksi]

New clothes can definitely cause irritation. I also get red bumps on my thighs and hips--my doctor said in the winter it is from dry skin, and in the summer from moist skin (it's worse after I work out and if I don't dry off completely before getting dressed). Your blood work can be trusted, but it could still be a dermatological issue like irritation or a fungal or yeast infection--nothing serious, and certainly treatable.

This is a great thing to take to T. With her you can work through some of the anxiety and also decide at what point something odd becomes something you need to see a doctor about. Do you have a friend who knows about your anxiety? My close friend and I Google for each other's anxieties. I search for health/cancer info and pediatric issues for her, and she searches for crime/safety for me. That way we don't get trapped in that Google Panic.

[retro_chic]

I had a rash similar to yours (from what I've read of your description) a while ago and freaked out that it was the C word or some other rare blood disorder but I was and still am completely fine. I know logic isn't really helpful when your anxiety is through the roof though. Do you have any relaxation techniques you can practice? Maybe do something fun but relaxing to take your mind off it?

You are trying to find evidence of something that isn't there. Concentrate instead on looking for evidence everything is alright. You are discounting any positives, thinking in Black and White, and engaging in 'fortune telling'. Stand back and look for what you are not immediately seeing. How would you counsel a friend who was doing this?

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

I've had 2 family members lose their life to the disease and ever since then my anxiety has been through the roof. I've been to the doctor and had blood work all of which were 100% normal and healthy. I just can't control the anxiety.

The same disease meaning the same cancer, or just some type of cancer? You can still think logically about it. If the same cancer, how old were they when symptoms appeared? At what age are most people who suffer from that condition? What was their initial prognosis? Is this condition known to be genetically related or caused? Has a doctor ever said you were at higher risk for it? Are you in a risk category otherwise?

This is obviously important to you and it comes up often in your posts; I'm just suggesting you try to train yourself to think about it more scientifically.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

The same disease meaning the same cancer, or just some type of cancer? You can still think logically about it. If the same cancer, how old were they when symptoms appeared? At what age are most people who suffer from that condition? What was their initial prognosis? Is this condition known to be genetically related or caused? Has a doctor ever said you were at higher risk for it? Are you in a risk category otherwise?

This is obviously important to you and it comes up often in your posts; I'm just suggesting you try to train yourself to think about it more scientifically.

They had some type of it. I know realistically my thinking is way off but my anxiety is obviously getting the best of me right now. Nothing is helping me calm down so I might just force myself to sleep.

[divine1966]

My fiancée is RN and he hates web MD. He says he often gets patients tell him that whatever diagnosis they have is incorrect because it's not what webMD says. They even argue about Meds as supposedly web MD says this or that so they argue they shouldn't take what's prescribed. It makes any healing process more difficult. Stay away from it.

As about your OCD, right Meds should take the edge off. Yea it might not completely go away but the edge should be off so you can function. Why can't they get right Meds for you?

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[stopdog]

I use webmd all the time and an herbalist's together site and it works out quite well for me. I find it quite concerning when someone wants a client to have less knowledge. A professional who does not want an educated consumer of their services is someone I would avoid.

I don't often worry about physical health, but it sounds quite disabling - I hope OP finds some relief soon.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

They had some type of it. I know realistically my thinking is way off but my anxiety is obviously getting the best of me right now. Nothing is helping me calm down so I might just force myself to sleep.

It's not weird to be scared of cancer; I think everyone is to some degree. 1 in 3 women will develop it and 1 in 5 die of it. But this also means it is one of the most researched diseases in the world and that treatments and prognoses are improving constantly for most cancers.

I actually don't think there is anything wrong with being vigilant - preventative care and all that. It's why I have an annual mammogram and Pap smear and should start having colonoscopies soon. You just can't live your life being paralyzingly afraid of it; you might as well have a terminal prognosis already if you do that.

Is this something you discuss in therapy? Because iirc you were afraid to bring it up. If you haven't, believe me, she's heard it before and won't think you're weird.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

They had some type of it. I know realistically my thinking is way off but my anxiety is obviously getting the best of me right now. Nothing is helping me calm down so I might just force myself to sleep.

I've had similar freak outs abt melanoma. My dad died from it in 1997 . My mom has a different form of skin cancer. I am pale with freckles and reddish hair so there is a real risk. There have been times where I've flipped out over something on my skin like like a mole or scab that won't heal. So I understand ur fears. I never go to the doctor tho so I take the opposite approach: ignore it and hope it goes away.

I think there's a grey area where we can be conscious of our predisposition and take proactive steps to reduce risks but not let the fear rule our lives

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[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I use webmd all the time and an herbalist's together site and it works out quite well for me. I find it quite concerning when someone wants a client to have less knowledge. A professional who does not want and educated consumer of their services is someone I would avoid.

Sure...but there's a difference between an educated consumer and someone who did a quick symptom search online and got fixated on a particular diagnosis or the first results that came up (I am not referring to the OP - this is a widespread problem). It's the latter group that I suspect divine's fiance is talking about.

[stopdog]

Or perhaps mds are just pissed off because they are not treated quite as much like gods anymore. The medical and pharmaceutical lobbies are quite strong.
But this is a discussion for a different thread.

I would think more info would be useful rather than less if someone was worried.
I think some people have found cbt useful for this sort of situation.

[ruh roh]

I won't tell you to stop worrying because I'm sure you would if you could.

Unless therapy is causing the red spots, I would go if I were you. Your anxiety can cause real health issues--not the particular one you're focused on, but it takes a toll in other ways. Telling your therapist the extent of your anxiety may help her better understand how to help give you some ways to relax (instead of going full on with exposure). You can also try other ways to relax outside of therapy--yoga is great (and I think that's been brought up before), but you may find other activities that help.

And do pursue ruling out health issues if they are distressing you to the point of not functioning. That's usually the first thing my therapist has said--not because she thought I had what I worried about but because the stress and worry was causing mental fatigue and physical issues. I like tisket's advice to study this objectively, just like a black hearted, soulless medical professional would.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

It's not weird to be scared of cancer; I think everyone is to some degree. 1 in 3 women will develop it and 1 in 5 die of it. But this also means it is one of the most researched diseases in the world and that treatments and prognoses are improving constantly for most cancers.

I actually don't think there is anything wrong with being vigilant - preventative care and all that. It's why I have an annual mammogram and Pap smear and should start having colonoscopies soon. You just can't live your life being paralyzingly afraid of it; you might as well have a terminal prognosis already if you do that.

Is this something you discuss in therapy? Because iirc you were afraid to bring it up. If you haven't, believe me, she's heard it before and won't think you're weird.

Oh my T knows about my fear of the C word. We are currently going to start working on getting me less anxious about it and my overall health. It's really scary to live with this fear because I thought that after getting bloodwork done I would stop worrying, but here I am in the same boat again.