[Meow.]

I don’t come on here too much. I usually am a bit of a ghost and I look around without logging in. I feel like I need to be heard right now though so I figured I’d try to post something here.

My therapist didn’t show to my appointment. She’s been late before, so I waited for an hour and then I gave up. I usually don’t let things like this get to me but I don’t know. She’s been a few minutes late, a half hour late, and once an hour late because there was a miscommunication with the time. And that was fine. But I haven’t heard from her at all.

It might have been different if I had at least heard from her, or if I wasn’t struggling as much. I had already wanted to push her away and then I wrote some things down for her that were hard for me to show her and I think that might have made it worse. Because I did that and she didn’t show.

There are a lot of possibilities as to why she didn’t show. Maybe she didn’t write the session down or was double booked or maybe there was some kind of emergency. But I don’t want to think like that because I do have a fear that something will happen to her and I won’t have her anymore. I’ve been seeing her for a few years and due to circumstances, she’s the safest person I have to talk to.

I know it has nothing to do with me and I’m trying not to be upset about it but it’s hard. I was thinking of emailing her if I don’t hear from her soon and asking to reschedule and seeing how that goes. If she knew we had a session and didn’t show I feel like she would have told me so I’m thinking maybe she forgot or something. But then again, because of why I see her, I see her often so I don’t know if she forgot.

[ilikecats]

That's terrible that she didn't show up, I'm so sorry. She probably didn't realize you had an appointment. Or maybe she mixed up the time and then thought you didn't show up. I think emailing her to ask about the situation and to reschedule is a good idea.

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[Waterbear]

I hope you can make some contact to try and put your mind at ease. It probably is a very rational reason but I certainly understand your fears and know I would sit and dwell on them unless I found out the real reason. Wishing you well.

So sorry that happened. I hope you will contact her and figure out what happened. My guess is that is was some sort of scheduling snafu. Doesn't make it feel any better, but those things sometimes happen. My experience has been that my therapists were just about as upset about those rare mix-ups as I was.

[divine1966]

Call her and ask. I am sorry that happened

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[emlou019]

Let us know how you get on Meow. If you want too of course

That would have really upset me too- especially after writing about difficult things, I'm so sorry that happened. I agree with the others- I think emailing to find out what happened is a really good idea.

[wheeler]

I would definitely be pissed off.

So sorry this happened, Meow. I'm sure it was just a mistake on your T's part. Hope things get worked out soon!

[AncientMelody]

Wow. Very unprofessional on her part. It sounds like for your part you are handling it well. Keep us posted

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by Meow.

I don’t come on here too much. I usually am a bit of a ghost and I look around without logging in. I feel like I need to be heard right now though so I figured I’d try to post something here.

My therapist didn’t show to my appointment. She’s been late before, so I waited for an hour and then I gave up. I usually don’t let things like this get to me but I don’t know. She’s been a few minutes late, a half hour late, and once an hour late because there was a miscommunication with the time. And that was fine. But I haven’t heard from her at all.

It might have been different if I had at least heard from her, or if I wasn’t struggling as much. I had already wanted to push her away and then I wrote some things down for her that were hard for me to show her and I think that might have made it worse. Because I did that and she didn’t show.

There are a lot of possibilities as to why she didn’t show. Maybe she didn’t write the session down or was double booked or maybe there was some kind of emergency. But I don’t want to think like that because I do have a fear that something will happen to her and I won’t have her anymore. I’ve been seeing her for a few years and due to circumstances, she’s the safest person I have to talk to.

I know it has nothing to do with me and I’m trying not to be upset about it but it’s hard. I was thinking of emailing her if I don’t hear from her soon and asking to reschedule and seeing how that goes. If she knew we had a session and didn’t show I feel like she would have told me so I’m thinking maybe she forgot or something. But then again, because of why I see her, I see her often so I don’t know if she forgot.

You are much more tolerant of her lateness than I could be. Therapy is a commitment by both parties.

Sounds like you intellectually think that her not showing has nothing to do with you (separateness and all that), but your 3rd paragraph suggests that there is a fear of it having to do with you. So understandable to have a worry like that, in an attempt to understand what is going on, and possibly an attempt to deal with being perturbed or disappointed or angry with someone who is important in your life.

I hope you hear from her soon and get relief from the wondering.

What if you talked to her about her how you feel about promptness and dependability, that it is meaningful and important to you. Ask her directly if she is able, going forward, to commit to the scheduled session times that she and you agree on when you make them. (barring unforeseeable situations)

Your time is very important. Your feelings are extremely important. Surely she must know that lack of keeping session times can undermine in many ways, and it can appear to be an abuse of/taking unfair advantage of the balance of power that is inherent in a therapy relationship.

[Elkino]

I've had this happening to me. My T disappeared for like a day. I decided not to be the one contacting T and waited until she found out.
I completely understand your fear and not wanting to go into thinking it was an emergency, etc.
Actually the only thing that will give you a clear insight would be to contact T and find out what happened. then you're free to decide on what you want to feel and think about it. But until you know for sure, everything will just be based on speculations. And I don't think that's always a healthy thing to do (at least not for me).

Did you ever find anything out? Just curious. Hope all is well.

[eclogite]

1/2 an hour is not acceptable. Sounds like she doesn't have her **** together. 15 mins isn't acceptable. I'm willing to be forgiving with one miscommunication, but I'd be out of there if this is a pattern.

[velcro003]

I would have to call my T if she didn't show-otherwise I'd worry way too much. Oh, I actually did once! The door was locked, and her car wasn't in the parking lot, so I thought she had forgot or something. After stewing about it for 25 minutes, I called and left a message asking if we had a session that day-that I didn't remember her cancelling.

She called me back a few minutes later. She was there, and because she didn't hear me come in, she ran over with her previous client (not on purpose I don't think-more that hearing me come in is a signal that she needs to wrap it up). Turns out the cleaning people locked the door on her, and she walked to work that day.

[coolibrarian]

A friend had her session for earlier this week cancelled in a voicemail. When she called to reschedule, she was told that her therapist had been killed in a crash nearby. :-(

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

A friend had her session for earlier this week cancelled in a voicemail. When she called to reschedule, she was told that her therapist had been killed in a crash nearby. :-(

God, that's horrible.

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

A friend had her session for earlier this week cancelled in a voicemail. When she called to reschedule, she was told that her therapist had been killed in a crash nearby. :-(

I have no words.....

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

A friend had her session for earlier this week cancelled in a voicemail. When she called to reschedule, she was told that her therapist had been killed in a crash nearby. :-(

Oh my god i have no words either

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[doogie]

I'm so sorry this happened. If you have a way to contact her, please do. I think it will set your mind at ease. I know sometimes my mind can go to terrible possibilities that aren't anywhere near the truth, and sometimes if I just do some 'fact-checking' with my T then I feel better because I realize what I was thinking wasn't true. It is so difficult. I'm really sorry.

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by Meow.

I don’t come on here too much. I usually am a bit of a ghost and I look around without logging in. I feel like I need to be heard right now though so I figured I’d try to post something here.

My therapist didn’t show to my appointment. She’s been late before, so I waited for an hour and then I gave up. I usually don’t let things like this get to me but I don’t know. She’s been a few minutes late, a half hour late, and once an hour late because there was a miscommunication with the time. And that was fine. But I haven’t heard from her at all.

It might have been different if I had at least heard from her, or if I wasn’t struggling as much. I had already wanted to push her away and then I wrote some things down for her that were hard for me to show her and I think that might have made it worse. Because I did that and she didn’t show.

There are a lot of possibilities as to why she didn’t show. Maybe she didn’t write the session down or was double booked or maybe there was some kind of emergency. But I don’t want to think like that because I do have a fear that something will happen to her and I won’t have her anymore. I’ve been seeing her for a few years and due to circumstances, she’s the safest person I have to talk to.

I know it has nothing to do with me and I’m trying not to be upset about it but it’s hard. I was thinking of emailing her if I don’t hear from her soon and asking to reschedule and seeing how that goes. If she knew we had a session and didn’t show I feel like she would have told me so I’m thinking maybe she forgot or something. But then again, because of why I see her, I see her often so I don’t know if she forgot.

Meow, did your T ever explain what happened that day?

Don't forget your Therapist is human too. I think we forget that our health care providers have lives outside of their practices that may ocassionally conflict. Like us they have both good and bad days. They or their family members get sick. They face calamities and emergencies too. Perhaps it's not always possible for them to contact their offices and/or patients or whatever has come up is a necessary priority.

Yes, you should have been contacted but realize that isn't always possible.

Also, it's quite the norm for appointments to run late. Perhaps they had to spend extra time with an earlier patient. Perhaps they had to take in an unscheduled client on an emergency. Perhaps rounds at the hospital took longer than anticipated.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

.

Also, it's quite the norm for appointments to run late. Perhaps they had to spend extra time with an earlier patient. Perhaps they had to take in an unscheduled client on an emergency. Perhaps rounds at the hospital took longer than anticipated.

I don't see this as an inevitably. My T has never been late. Not once. I wouldn't tolerate a persistently late therapist.

Who has ever been to their family doctor's office and had their appointment on time? Certainly not me. I suppose I have a similar expectation of all my mental health care providers too. If this is a concern, one can always ring their doctor's office in advance to see if appointments are running on time.

I have another thought too as it sounds from some that their pdocs are in the habit of actually forgettng appointments. Is this not a fault of the office and not the doctor? Are not most offices required to call in advance to confirm appointments? All my healthcare people do so I just assumed this was a standard service.

I pay my T for a service, and part of that service is to be there at the scheduled time. For me, anything else is unprofessional. I would not accept that in any other circumstance where I am paying for a service and I wouldn't accept it in a therapist.