[trdleblue]

My t of a bit over four years is leaving. He started today's session telling me, and told me that we have six sessions to process, move on, etc... Really it's only five, because he was including today. It caught me quite off guard. He said it was unexpected, but I don't fully believe him. Last summer he was looking for a position, and let me know beforehand. Nothing panned out, so he told me nothing was changing. I wish he let me know that he was still actively looking for something else. He also told me before that if he was staying in the area then we could work out continuing with each other. That is not the case. Even though he will be only a few miles down the road.

When he told me I did my best to put a mask on. It wasn't even me spacing out like I can do at times. I was actually trying to put a smirk on my face. I rolled my eyes a few times at what he was saying. I don't think he noticed. He just knew I was silent. The few things I said he seamed to get annoyed at. I got the feeling I wasn't reacting the way he expected. Or perhaps it was because he was getting a bit emotional. Tears appeared a few times in his eyes.

Ugh. I don't fully know why I'm posting this, and I don't know what to do. This is my first time terminating with a t, and I guess I just am interested in how others have dealt with the end. Lol - you would think after the several years of reading this site I would be prepared. Thanks for any comments.

So sorry you are losing your T. That is always hard. I've had to end my work with two therapists over the years because of relocations (mine and theirs). I took a break for awhile (actually a rather long while) and returned to therapy later when I was ready. I think taking a break made it actually easier because when I started again it was more of a new start rather than a "replacement" start if that makes sense.

Did he explain why he wouldn't be able to work with you at his new location?

[catnip123]

I just went through this when my T of 5 years told me in mid February that she was leaving the state in late March. I immediately started looking for a new T and found one, after interviewing 3 different ones. For me it was important to start this process while the old T was still around so she could help me decide which new T to choose.
I got really mad at my old T for leaving, but after a few weeks the anger went away and I just felt really sad and annoyed that I had to find a new T.
But now I'm OK with it. The first few sessions with my new T were spent helping me to process the feelings i had as a result of my old T's decision to move.
I hope you can find a new T that you like. It's not an easy thing to go through - I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am very sorry you are going through this. I am going through this right now and mine happened similar to yours except I was given two months with my T before she changes jobs. I know how painful and frustrating it is. I also wish my T had mentioned she was considering this since she is closing her practice and that had to have taken a lot of time to decide. It is good that you have some sessions to process this as its a lot to process. I want to say first off that all of your feelings are normal. Angry, sadness, frustration. Any emotions you have over it are ok and its important you share how you are feeling with your T. I still feel angry at my T for leaving but now its mostly sadness. It was helpful that I expressed my anger to her and I did it in a healthy, respectful way. Say what ever you need to and use the sessions you have left the best way you can. I don't want to have any regrets so I am making the most of my time and telling my T everything that comes up and I am seeking her help in dealing with this. I am also writing her a letter about how I think therapy went and all the stuff I want her to know. I also asked for the same kind of letter from her. I am trying to plan my sessions with her with dealing with this and talking about really important topics.

I wish you the best with this and I wish you didn't have to feel this pain. My PM's are open if you ever want to chat. Sending you hugs if you want them.

[AncientMelody]

I am going through the same thing right now , right down to her staying in the same geographic region but unable to see me as a patient at the new office. It's frustrating and sad. PM me if you want to talk

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

So sorry you are losing your T. That is always hard. I've had to end my work with two therapists over the years because of relocations (mine and theirs). I took a break for awhile (actually a rather long while) and returned to therapy later when I was ready. I think taking a break made it actually easier because when I started again it was more of a new start rather than a "replacement" start if that makes sense.

Did he explain why he wouldn't be able to work with you at his new location?

Thank you. He did explain that his case load would be too much, and that it wouldn't be fair to pick and choose who he would continue seeing. I get his explanation, but I just wish he never told me otherwise. Especially since where he is going is the same type of position he was applying to before.

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by catnip123

I just went through this when my T of 5 years told me in mid February that she was leaving the state in late March. I immediately started looking for a new T and found one, after interviewing 3 different ones. For me it was important to start this process while the old T was still around so she could help me decide which new T to choose.
I got really mad at my old T for leaving, but after a few weeks the anger went away and I just felt really sad and annoyed that I had to find a new T.
But now I'm OK with it. The first few sessions with my new T were spent helping me to process the feelings i had as a result of my old T's decision to move.
I hope you can find a new T that you like. It's not an easy thing to go through - I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this.

Thank you for the reply, and I hope things are going well with your new t. Right now I'm annoyed by everything.

[precaryous]

I'm sorry!
My T will be retiring maybe next year and i will hate it.
I don't do termination well. My PrevT left due to a job change. I was devastated. It took fifteen year and two three new T trials before I found my current T of two years.

I'm sorry he can't take you with him to his new location. Do you think he will allow any sort of contact after termination...like a catch up email or card? Do you think you would want to keep in touch with him..or that it might help ease you into this transition?

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I am very sorry you are going through this. I am going through this right now and mine happened similar to yours except I was given two months with my T before she changes jobs. I know how painful and frustrating it is. I also wish my T had mentioned she was considering this since she is closing her practice and that had to have taken a lot of time to decide. It is good that you have some sessions to process this as its a lot to process. I want to say first off that all of your feelings are normal. Angry, sadness, frustration. Any emotions you have over it are ok and its important you share how you are feeling with your T. I still feel angry at my T for leaving but now its mostly sadness. It was helpful that I expressed my anger to her and I did it in a healthy, respectful way. Say what ever you need to and use the sessions you have left the best way you can. I don't want to have any regrets so I am making the most of my time and telling my T everything that comes up and I am seeking her help in dealing with this. I am also writing her a letter about how I think therapy went and all the stuff I want her to know. I also asked for the same kind of letter from her. I am trying to plan my sessions with her with dealing with this and talking about really important topics.

I wish you the best with this and I wish you didn't have to feel this pain. My PM's are open if you ever want to chat. Sending you hugs if you want them.

Originally Posted by AncientMelody

I am going through the same thing right now , right down to her staying in the same geographic region but unable to see me as a patient at the new office. It's frustrating and sad. PM me if you want to talk

Thank you both for replying, and the offers to pm. As of right now I'm not even sure if I'll go back to him for my final sessions. That's probably not the best response, but it's what I'm thinking right now. He gave me a few names for possible t's that I may like to see after I pressed him. I think I'm going to ask him to email them to me (I already forgot them) and go from there.

[eclogite]

Personal experience - I'd totally go for the last sessions. Stopping in one session for me was really rough even though it was my idea.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I would strongly suggest going to your last sessions. I think it would be helpful for you to end on a good note and not regret anything in the future. You will never have these sessions again.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I would strongly suggest going to your last sessions. I think it would be helpful for you to end on a good note and not regret anything in the future. You will never have these sessions again.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

Thank you for replying. I guess part of my thinking is that I will not end on a good note if I go to the last few sessions. I'm disgruntled now, and will either show that, or sit in silence. I feel like I'm wanting to act like a jerk right now which is not me, but I'm torn as to what to do.

I sent an email which he responded to (which is the norm), but I just feel differently about things with him now. I wonder if he's checked out already.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by trdleblue

Thank you for replying. I guess part of my thinking is that I will not end on a good note if I go to the last few sessions. I'm disgruntled now, and will either show that, or sit in silence. I feel like I'm wanting to act like a jerk right now which is not me, but I'm torn as to what to do.

I sent an email which he responded to (which is the norm), but I just feel differently about things with him now. I wonder if he's checked out already.

Its normal and ok to feel angry. Its just important that you express it and express it in a healthy, respectful way. I had a session a couple weeks ago where I was very angry at my T for leaving and I expressed this in session and to her. I think we were both surprised at how angry I was (I never thought I would get this angry with her, I also didn't plan on her leaving) but I was respectful. It really helped to get it out and to express my feelings. Most of the anger has faded now and that may happen with you. I am just really sad.

I feel different with my T as well and I felt like (at first) that she was already checking out of therapist mode. It turned out to be my projection I think. I think you should do what is best for you but just remember that this is your chance.

[kecanoe]

I had a t retire; he gave lots of notice but I still was unable to accept it, to not see it as abandonment. I spent many sessions telling him how mad at him I was and how hurt I was but I never made any progress. We finally agreed that I was just being retraumatized each session and that I should quit seeing him. I was seeing 2 other ts at the time.

I know the industry standard is to give 6 weeks notice; I don't know if I would have done better with only 6 weeks or not.

But for me, I did need to tell him how upset I was. Being upset at abandonment was not allowed when I was a child.

[skeksi]

This is a chance to try to do an ending in a way that is satisfactory to you. So often in our lives, relationships end abruptly and we can't say good-bye or wrap things up as we might like.

Of course you wish he wasn't retiring. But since that is now a given, what do you want to tell him before your relationship draws to a close? What do you need to hear from him? Are there any lingering questions you need answered?

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I had a t retire; he gave lots of notice but I still was unable to accept it, to not see it as abandonment. I spent many sessions telling him how mad at him I was and how hurt I was but I never made any progress. We finally agreed that I was just being retraumatized each session and that I should quit seeing him. I was seeing 2 other ts at the time.

I know the industry standard is to give 6 weeks notice; I don't know if I would have done better with only 6 weeks or not.

But for me, I did need to tell him how upset I was. Being upset at abandonment was not allowed when I was a child.

This was very insightful. I kind of feel like I can't accept it and seeing her and "having" her and then leaving sessions in tears knowing she is leaving is so hard. I still feel it's important to go and end on a good note and have no regrets but re traumatizing sounds accurate. It's a tough situation no matter what.

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