I am curious about ts crossing patients boundaries. Has it happened to you and what did you do?
I have had a few ts cross my boundaries, one asked me to be friends on Facebook by mistake, her excuse was she liked looking at my profile picture. Two of my ts have hugged me without asking permission after sessions where I was the good client and pleased her. Current t asks intrusive questions relating to CSA.

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Not that crosses my mind, but I have fairly flexible boundaries. I'm not one to have to verbally set boundaries with my therapists I guess; they seem to be pretty aware of them intuitively.

[itjustis]

No boundary crossing here. If something did cross the line then I'd definitely state it.

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[Argonautomobile]

Not much comes to mind for me, either. Never had to verbally set boundaries. He's very respectful--to the point of pussyfooting a bit, honestly. I'm sorry about the crossings you've experienced. I would react very poorly to intrusive questions about CSA, and going in for the ambush hug is a pretty good way to get hit.

[Pennster]

Two or three times he has seemed to suggest something was a problem that I did not view as a problem. One of them in particular I really didn't consider any of his business, so I just told him that, and he hasn't brought it up since.

[brillskep]

Yes, for a long time. Taking supervision in the workshops I attend and asking me to leave every time instead of just taking his supervision privately or at workshops I don't attend, some very minor confidentiality slip-ups that did me no harm (with the confidentiality at least he took my feedback into account, understood and stopped), occasionally talks when I don't want to discuss what he's talking about and interrupts me. He has raised his voice at me 2 or 3 times but I believe it's his supervisor who helped him refrain from doing that anymore. Didn't warn me that if I chose a certain degree program I would be stuck in a potentially harmful dual relationship with him even though I didn't have my heart set on any particular program and was discussing my options with him in therapy. Kept arguing with me and stayed over session time to do so after I'd repeatedly told him I needed to leave because I had to go to work. And yet, he only truly ever discusses the ways in which I cross his boundaries ...

First T also asked intrusive CSA questions, and he speculated on the motivations and experiences of others in my life which I found intrusive. Also, as you may recall, he contacted me out of the blue after a year of no contact when it was supposed to be understood that I would instigate any contact.
How did I deal with the boundary crossings? I suffered.

[stopdog]

The first one did a few times. I was quite clear and held the line. Now she does not.

I can't say a therapist has ever crossed my boundaries. If I was in therapy now, i would definitely speak up.

My standby therapist reached out to give me a hug without asking first, but for me that is not a boundary issue.

[Out There]

Not that I can think of , I don't like people getting in my personal space from the front ( at the side I'm OK ) and he's leaned forward a couple of times so I remind him and he's fine about it. But nothing major - he's very intuitive. I sometimes wonder why T's are not aware that people don't always like to be approached or touched ( and some are clearly not ).

[junkDNA]

in the beginning one time he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck like a hug from behind. wasnt sure what to make of that!!! he never did it again, but i also never mentioned anything abt it

[Bipolar Warrior]

One time my uni therapist tried to lecture me about my sleep cycle. She knows this is one lecture I have heard from my parents so many times there is no way of counting them, and she knows it upsets me when they do it, so I got very upset with her. She agreed with me that I don't need that criticism from her in addition to my parents, and she doesn't do it anymore.

A couple of weeks later, she crossed a boundary I didn't even know I had. I didn't know I needed to have it, because I would never have thought it would be an issue. She said "I love you", just before Christmas, and I had a total meltdown. I tried to quit twice. It was just too much for me, and I couldn't comprehend it. She admitted to me after the Christmas break that it was something that just slipped out in the moment; we hugged for the first time after a difficult session, which was something she had been wanting to do for a while, but I wouldn't let her because of my fear of intimacy. She said it was "a moment of love".

We have been able to work through it, and I have come to terms with it. Sort of.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I had signed permission for my former T and former pdoc to communicate, so I'm not sure that it's technically a violation, but my former T took it upon herself to call and tell my pdoc I was trying to get approved for gastric bypass surgery. My pdoc was really displeased I did it behind her back because it was a medical procedure that would affect how the meds I was on would be absorbed.

I also had a former therapist who I saw whenI was very young (about 18), stop by my job in the mall and ask if I was there. Which was weird. It didn't bother me at the time but now it kind of weirds me out, looking back.she also told me she would not see me again unless I brought in my mom. I did, and it prrmanently made things worse. *she* ended up saying things I had told her instead of me speaking.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

in the beginning one time he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck like a hug from behind. wasnt sure what to make of that!!! he never did it again, but i also never mentioned anything abt it

Yikes! That would freak me out completely.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

Yikes! That would freak me out completely.

yea it did at the time given what happened with my former T. not really sure why he did that or thought it would be ok to be honest. i think he got lost in a moment or something??? never happened again, though

[ScarletPimpernel]

None of my Ts have crossed my boundaries.

[laxer12]

The first T I ever saw asked me if I had "feelings" for my best friend who is the same gender as me. I have nothing against being gay/lesbian but I was younger, insecure, it was my second session, and I was just talking about how I really felt connected to my friend and she was the first person I ever opened up to.

It was just too soon and too blunt based on the lack of relationship we had. That definitely crossed a boundary for me. I only lasted one more session.

Current T never has though.

[MobiusPsyche]

I've never had a T cross my boundaries. Maybe they ran up against them, but that's sort of the point of therapy. I wouldn't experience it as a boundary violation unless it were severely out of line or a repeated thing. "First one's free."

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[guilloche]

Yup... I had a T who at the first session asked if I was sleeping with my boyfriend. . Maybe it's OK to ask, once... but when I told him that I wasn't comfortable answering or talking about that (you know, with a complete *stranger*) - he kept wheedling me, rephrasing it, and urging me to answer.

I quit after a couple more sessions.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

I've never had a T cross my boundaries. Maybe they ran up against them, but that's sort of the point of therapy. I wouldn't experience it as a boundary violation unless it were severely out of line or a repeated thing.

I don't disagree that the therapist has to first know the boundary before it can be considered a violation. The first one had difficulty with my clearly stated ones.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I'm not sure if this is a boundary exactly, but I'm really uncomfortable with sex because of CSA. My last one suggested that I appease my need for self-harm by finding an s&m relationship. The comment hurt and made me feel violated and dismissed.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I had a therapist that was always touching me after asking her to stop. She would also have her chair always touching mine. I begged for her to stop touching me and she laughed in my face so I yelled at her and left. I don't get why some therapists think its ok to touch clients when they want and not ask first.

[pmbm]

Yes, my last therapist yelled at me and then used one of my own avoidance tactics on me. I don't think any therapust shoukd tell at a client and I think the therapist shoukd not be using avoidance tactics on something the client is asking to discuss. I left her pretty quickly. My present therapist got really angry at me for how I reacted to her telling me she was going away for three weeks. I cried and told her that was too long and that it would be hard for me to handle. She said that she had hoped I'd at least be happy for her. I told her that I get to have my feelings, that they were valid feelings even if she did not like them. She actually apologized and said my reaction was hard because she was already feeling guilty for taking so much time off. She also stated that her feelings were her responsibility and not mine. She really is an awesome therapist.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't disagree that the therapist has to first know the boundary before it can be considered a violation. The first one had difficulty with my clearly stated ones.

I think this is part of the therapeutic work together figuring out each other's boundaries. Everyone has different boundaries.

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Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I had a therapist that was always touching me after asking her to stop. She would also have her chair always touching mine. I begged for her to stop touching me and she laughed in my face so I yelled at her and left. I don't get why some therapists think its ok to touch clients when they want and not ask first.

This is not ok at all and in fact I would get very angry at any t who did that.

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