Has t ever crossed your boundaries?

You have had some good therapists so

I think that these are valuable lessons for me in that I allow them to happen at the time and afterwards I wonder why I allowed them in the first place. It's all grist for the mill.

I hate it when they get sidelined by something they feel is important but actually it isn't. Kinda like a dog with a bone.

Sounds like he needs some therapy himself. Are you still seeing him as a therapist / lecturer?

Yes, I can see how much damage am intrusive t does. I have seen and felt the damage and it never gets better until we decide to walk away.

Do you still have to reinforce boundaries with clients and students ? I would like to be as clear as you stop dog!

I think that this is some of there own issues blinding them. Some people are clearly ok with touch and others are not and ts are only human. We hope they are more sensitive to others needs but clearlysome are not !!

Oh god, that is just a heart attack waiting to happen for me. I would have to throw him over my neck and karate chop him to the ground if he did that to me!

Oh dear, that would certainly bring up a lot of feelings and emotions. It can happen and I wonder if she let her own needs take over without thinking of the consequences to you. I am glad to hear you are working it out with her, I hope she can hold the emotions it stirred up in you without getting defensive

Now these are very worrying I hope you had a chance to tell them how you felt about it?

Mmmm, I would not be happy about that, giving the client more problems then they went for. I am glad you had the courage to stop seeing this therapist!

I agree, boundaries are a big part of therapy! Helping the client establish safe boundaries but not helping the t with their own boundary issues!

Good for you, that sounds like his own needs interfering.



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Mine asked weird questions twice. They weren't even prompted by anything and didn't make sense to me. She also repeated same questions several times even though I already answered. Fishing for something. That happened when I first started seeing her. She never did it again

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I agree. The discouraging thing is that he is in therapy and supervision and still does these things. Yes, I am still seeing this therapist, at least for now.

Has t ever crossed my boundaries? Yes. On five separate occasions. I still haven't forgiven him, and we still haven't talked about it

Wow - some of these really shock me! It's never ok for a T to touch a client without permission. They might say "can I give you a hug" and you feel obligated to say yes, but without any mention of it first?

As for prying into questions like the mention of CSA or sex with the boyfriend, I think it's fair for them to ask once, but if you're not answering them, then they should know to back off! Especially in the first month or two of sessions. IMO.

Sorry so many of you have gone through these experiences. I've never had this happen - at least as much as I can remember. My current counselor gives me sooo much leeway when it comes to anything I want to avoid.

I agree with what others have said about a T having to know about a boundary in order to violate it. I mean, I'd expect some basic level of tact, here, but other people can't be expected to just intuit what may be very personalized boundaries 100% of the time.

I've been thinking about it, and the only weird boundary things I've run up against have been (what seemed at the time) out-of-the-blue phone calls to check up and see if I wanted an appointment. Turns out they were agreed upon before hand, but my T sucks at getting back in a timely way and so by the time he called I'd completely forgotten he'd said he would.

It's strange, because you'd think it would be sort of nice to get a pro-active phone call, have your T contact you for once, but I found it to be an odd intrusion on the rest of my life to just get a random phone call I wasn't expecting. There you are, elbow deep in manure for the garden, and you get this call from a private number. You answer, expecting to tell some unsolicited sales person that, no, you don't want to go on a fabulous Caribbean getaway so kindly **** off, and it's your bloody therapist who answers. Kind of like getting whacked over the head by those personal problems you normally compartmentalize.

Mmm, not sure how I would feel about that! For me it would be nice but then it is intrusive on some level too. I am not sure if it would cross everyone's boundaries but it would feel invasive to me.

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I guess my T has some strong boundaries and therefore won't cross mine easily either. Although making me to keep her updated on my eating habits on a daily basis kinda was... Although after all it was a question. So I had the right to refuse.

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My counselor will let me know if he has a cancellation if he knows I'm having a hard time with something by email. I don't do very well with phone calls. That feels safe to me.

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Boundary crossings and boundary violations are different things. You can cross a boundary without it being a violation. I believe violations are unethical, whereas sometimes crossing a boundary can actually be helpful to certain clients? It seems up to the therapist to determine whether an individual client would benefit from a boundary crossing, at least that's what I took away from reading the BACP ethical framework.

Of course the client's personal boundaries is a different matter, as they can be very individual and specific, and sometimes the therapist has to discover them by crossing them. Some of the examples here sound more like violations, though, like repeatedly asking intrusive questions when the client is obviously uncomfortable with it, or distressed by it. Any therapist should know not to do that, in my opinion.

She took full responsibility for it. I felt really stupid for having such an extreme reaction to it, but it was particularly hard for me because I had been struggling with my love for her for months and I was really scared of those feelings. So when the words came from her, it was just overwhelming. It took me a couple of weeks to process it, because at first I tried to convince myself that she hadn't actually said that, but once I realised that yes, she definitely did say it, I broke down and became seriously depressed.

She said it was something that should have been negotiated, and that she had been a bit worried after I'd left the session because she realised that she'd just let it slip out in what turned out to be a very emotional moment. She thought I might have an emotional reaction to it. I have never seen her get defensive about anything, and she always tells me that she is strong enough to hold all of my feelings while I'm working through them. I really trust her and we have a great relationship, even if I'm still trying to accept those scary feelings of love and attachment. She gets me, and continues to be loving and compassionate and helpful. She's been through several breakdowns with me, and has carried me through them. So far I've only been able to tell her I love her in emails, the idea of saying it out loud absolutely terrifies me (which is sort of stupid), but at least she knows. I mean, she probably knew anyway, lol.

I believe it was actually good for me to go through this whole thing, because we've had some really healing sessions as a result of it. I mean, I have discovered that I'm scared of love - that's useful, right?

I guess it depends on what you mean by crossed, but no I don't think so. Of course I'm still figuring out what my boundaries are.