Couch 114 - Take a Pew

Oh, BunYip. I hope you can do what needs to be done. It won't be easy, but it might necessary. Hugs, BunYip.

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Why are you trying to avoid it? Doesn't that just prolong things?

I really need to go back to sleep. It has been a rough night of sleep so far, and it's 1:40 AM here. Just not sure if I should try.

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I don't know why, well maybe I do. I have some guilt about their deaths in that I ran away and never kept in touch and I found my brothers death notice on the internet and the government body in charge of my mothers affairs had to track me down through social security because the nursing home moved and didn't carry across records properly.

Think I might try to go to sleep again. Night guys. I hope things sort themselves out, BY, and that you can get over the guilt by talking in therapy. Hugs to all who are awake that need them.

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If it's ok, I'd like to pray Gods peace and presence over your mind and heart in what you are walking through.

If it's not ok, that's alright. Just wanted to offer it.

Thinking of you.

I understand the feelings of guilt associated with that, but I don't think you are actually "guilty" of anything other than not having the strength at that time to keep in touch with your family, and that's certainly no crime and nothing to blame yourself for. We all have different reserves of strength at different times. You did not intentionally avoid the business around your brother's death. And you are definitely not to blame for somebody else's failure to keep their records in order.
Hugs.

Blah, T thinks I'll naturally reduce SH when I have more self worth...but I'm SHing more after a 15 day SH-free streak. Because I said in therapy that my parents are "bad".

QM, I'm sorry you are hurting so much.

Sorry about that QM. Good job going 15 days though! I hope you feel better about things and can start a new streak of no self harm.

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Hugs, QM. I hope things get better for you.

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Maybe you should join them. Put a lampshade on your head and be the life of the party!

Thanks, Crocus (or would you prefer Mast?), ilikecats and Darkness.

Really trying to get back on the "self care, every hour" wagon.

It's just that last session, I told T the parents were bad (she agreed) and despite leaving session grounded and calm, it's really hard to resist the desire to self punish for saying "bad things" and "betraying the family".

I'm Asian in a collectivist Asian culture too and it feels like I violated a horrible taboo.

Being raised Christian using books by Gary Ezzo which glorifies harsh corporal punishment also doesn't help. I may be an atheist now but "honour your father and mother" was always something.

I'm glad you are going to get back on the self care wagon. Let us know if you need anything!

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In case anyone needs extra encouragement today:

Thank you. I'm sure I will need this at one point today. Stress is killing me right now.

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Morning couch, sending hugs to those who want them, and good thoughts too. Time for this girl to head to work. Catch y'all at lunchtime.

You know.. that really crap feeling when you've been planning on sharing something with your pdoc/T and you can't manage to.

Know exactly the feeling. Just last time, actually.

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I just finished a phone session with my pdoc. I might actually send him an email telling him it.. not sure.

I don't understand the 'take a pew' and I don't like not understanding things, can anyone explain?

You can do it.
It will be okay.
It'll help to get it out.
I support you in whichever you choose.

Do you only have phone sessions? If so, it could be good to send an email. If not, it might be better to do it face to face depending on what it is.

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I don't really understand the pew thing either. I just sit on the couch and do whatever. Wish I knew so I could tell you, though.

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It's a way of asking someone to sit down - pews are seats in church.

Britishism. My mother uses it all the time.