[Chuva]

I guess I just want to vent a little, please bear with me.

Three weeks ago I fired my T, for many reasons, but mainly because she was so incredibly stupid and vapid and didn't understand me at all. I was in therapy for 6 months with her and it's been hell, I ended up feeling much worse than when I started.

Basically I haven't had any psychotherapy for one month, because the last time I saw her, on 2nd May, we just talked about me firing her. One could also say I haven't had any psychotherapy for the last year, as she was so stupid and invalidating.

I've been waiting for my pdoc to call me for nearly two weeks now (I talked about this in the BPD forum). He did call me, but just to tell me he didn't know anything yet and that he would call me again "tomorrow". It's been 4 days now I've been waiting for "tomorrow" to happen. He's supposed to give the name of a new T, so I can call him/her and schedule an appointment.

I'm very scared and anxious because summer is nearly here and then Ts are going on vacation and I'll be alone. I feel abandoned and not taken care of. I often feel like I have to act out real big in order to be heard, in order for them to do something for me.

I know this is probably just bureaucracy (I live in Italy after all), so they need to do tons of paperwork just to give me a new T and make me drop out of the research project (my therapy was part of a research project they are doing). But this is not helping me feel less abandoned. Just like they'd say "tsk, your case is not serious enough, let's wait and see, let's help somebody else first". My T used to actually tell me my case was not serious enough - this despite my meeting all 9 criteria for BPD.

Sorry for venting, I would be glad of any support. If you want, otherwise that's OK. (This is another issue of mine, always saying it's OK when it's not.)

That sounds really tough. I know what you mean about feeling like you have to really kick up a fuss to be heard. Sometimes you just want someone to notice you're suffering! Could you ring your pdoc again? It's possible that it has either slipped his mind or he's been let down by a potential T or something, but I guess there's no point in sitting wondering if there's a way to find out.
I hope you get a new T sorted soon.

[Chuva]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

That sounds really tough. I know what you mean about feeling like you have to really kick up a fuss to be heard. Sometimes you just want someone to notice you're suffering! Could you ring your pdoc again? It's possible that it has either slipped his mind or he's been let down by a potential T or something, but I guess there's no point in sitting wondering if there's a way to find out.
I hope you get a new T sorted soon.

Thanks Echos Myron. I just sent him a message, who knows when/if he'll answer. I called him maybe 3 times last week and sent him a message. I know I probably look like the clingy borderline of sorts, but I can't help being worried and anxious.

[precaryous]

Can you search for a new T on your own...or do you need your pdoc's referral? Whenever I am anxious about something like this, I find I feel better if I make a plan- like deciding I will start searching for a new T on my own while waiting for my pdoc's recommendation. That helps me feel back in control.

I hope you hear something soon.

[Chuva]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Can you search for a new T on your own...or do you need your pdoc's referral? Whenever I am anxious about something like this, I find I feel better if I make a plan- like deciding I will start searching for a new T on my own while waiting for my pdoc's recommendation. That helps me feel back in control.

I hope you hear something soon.

I can't search for a new T on my own, because I'm going to an institute where there are around 20 therapists, and I need my pdoc's referral if I want to stay there. I only know one of the Ts (apart from my ex-T) and she's the best, she's also quite famous here in Italy, but sadly she told me some time ago she already has too many patients and can hardly take on new ones.

[Gettingitsoon]

Sending you best wishes, hang in there.
I can definitely hear your comment about needing to kick up a big fuss in order to be heard.
What a pain. I feel that way all the time and its so hard for me too.
It really shouldn't be this difficult to get some help....

[Dontspeak]

I know none of us are therapists, but it was a non appointment week for me last week, and I was worried I was manic. So I registered and told my whole story. It really helped, everyone said I wasn't. Yesterday I had my appt, and my therapist agreed, and went through the list of why I wasn't. There is a chat here at 7pm EST (NY) Time. Could it help to talk it out in the interim? Even just posting what's going on in your life might help. I would recommend heading over to the Bipolar page! It helped me

[Chuva]

Originally Posted by Dontspeak

I know none of us are therapists, but it was a non appointment week for me last week, and I was worried I was manic. So I registered and told my whole story. It really helped, everyone said I wasn't. Yesterday I had my appt, and my therapist agreed, and went through the list of why I wasn't. There is a chat here at 7pm EST (NY) Time. Could it help to talk it out in the interim? Even just posting what's going on in your life might help. I would recommend heading over to the Bipolar page! It helped me

Hi Dontspeak, I live in Italy so 7pm EST would be 1am here - so I'm afraid this would be impossible for me.

Thanks for your recommendation, but I don't have Bipolar, I have Borderline Personality Disorder (although I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar for 10 years).

[Dontspeak]

Originally Posted by Chuva

Hi Dontspeak, I live in Italy so 7pm EST would be 1am here - so I'm afraid this would be impossible for me.

Thanks for your recommendation, but I don't have Bipolar, I have Borderline Personality Disorder (although I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar for 10 years).

Oh, That would be late. But I'll let you in on a secret- lots of people come to Bipolar chats and support groups. Because we tend to be chatty and easy to open up around us