[itjustis]

I have a lengthy email ready to send T. It says everything I think and feel about how she acted last session and how I feel/think in general. Some of it is negative but maturely written, the rest is good and positive. I just don't know whether to send it? I needed to write it to get it out but I'm worried I will upset my T when she reads about what I thought about her actions and how she made me feel.
Has anyone sent their T an email stating their wrong doings? How did that work out at next session?
Im also worried if we spend most of the last session talking about this email then I won't get a proper goodbye. But I need her to read it. Ugh, I don't know what to do.

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[stopdog]

I have sent many missives to the woman outlining her numerous failures and shortcomings. It did not faze her. Usually she did not bring it up. Once she asked if I really believed what I sent. I said yes. I asked if she believed anything she ever said. She said yes. That was the end of it.
I have heard of some of those guys getting pissy when their failure was pointed out.
I think the bigger concern is if there is an expectation of a reply or getting a bad reply.

[BrazenApogee]

could you bring a list of things to talk about?

[ruh roh]

I don't think emails are the best medium to express anger. In fact, I think it takes some effort to make neutral emails not sound like the sender is headed over with an ax after they hit send.

You have to really assess what your goal is. If it's to vent, just state that it's a vent, but try to close with a suggestion for resolution, otherwise there is a chance that you'll regret it and feel worse. If it's to make her feel as badly as you feel, there's a chance that will not be a winning strategy.

It really depends on your relationship with your therapist and what you want to get out of sending an angry email, or what you want period.

[AllHeart]

I have sent my t a couple of emails expressing concern over some things I felt she messed up on. However, I kept the emails short and to the point because they were designed only to be the starting point of verbal conversations that needed to happen. The emails were a comfortable way for me to get my point across, and, an easy opener for starting a potentially difficult dialogue with my t. I did have good results come from the emails both times.

What is the worst thing that could happen by sending the email? And is that something you can deal with? I wouldn't worry about upsetting your t. If you feel like sending this email is something you need to do for yourself, then I think you should do it.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I personally think talking about what your T is doing wrong is best talked about in person. So much can get misinterpreted through email. Could you print out your email and have her read it in your next session and then you can talk about it?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by itjustis

I have a lengthy email ready to send T. It says everything I think and feel about how she acted last session and how I feel/think in general. Some of it is negative but maturely written, the rest is good and positive. I just don't know whether to send it? I needed to write it to get it out but I'm worried I will upset my T when she reads about what I thought about her actions and how she made me feel.
Has anyone sent their T an email stating their wrong doings? How did that work out at next session?
Im also worried if we spend most of the last session talking about this email then I won't get a proper goodbye. But I need her to read it. Ugh, I don't know what to do.

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Your T will probably prefer you to read it to her in person. But you can send it if you want.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have sent many missives to the woman outlining her numerous failures and shortcomings. It did not faze her. Usually she did not bring it up. Once she asked if I really believed what I sent. I said yes. I asked if she believed anything she ever said. She said yes. That was the end of it.
I have heard of some of those guys getting pissy when their failure was pointed out.
I think the bigger concern is if there is an expectation of a reply or getting a bad reply.

Sometimes she replies sometimes she doesn't. Getting a reply doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

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[itjustis]

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

could you bring a list of things to talk about?

She said for me to do this, she enjoys reading what I write. but I won't see her until the next session so it seems easier to send the email, have a brief discussion about it next time, then use the remainder of the session to say goodbye properly. It states that she said we had an extra couple sessions but she changed her mind and hit me with 'there's only one left' so I feel let down and lied to.

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[itjustis]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I don't think emails are the best medium to express anger. In fact, I think it takes some effort to make neutral emails not sound like the sender is headed over with an ax after they hit send.

You have to really assess what your goal is. If it's to vent, just state that it's a vent, but try to close with a suggestion for resolution, otherwise there is a chance that you'll regret it and feel worse. If it's to make her feel as badly as you feel, there's a chance that will not be a winning strategy.

It really depends on your relationship with your therapist and what you want to get out of sending an angry email, or what you want period.

I don't want her to feel as badly as I do, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, I just don't have the time to hash this out, say what I need to and say goodbye all in one 50 minute session.

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[itjustis]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

I have sent my t a couple of emails expressing concern over some things I felt she messed up on. However, I kept the emails short and to the point because they were designed only to be the starting point of verbal conversations that needed to happen. The emails were a comfortable way for me to get my point across, and, an easy opener for starting a potentially difficult dialogue with my t. I did have good results come from the emails both times.

What is the worst thing that could happen by sending the email? And is that something you can deal with? I wouldn't worry about upsetting your t. If you feel like sending this email is something you need to do for yourself, then I think you should do it.

I've sent emails before and had good results. I think I will send it, I have it written for a reason so I'll stick with my first gut feeling of sending it

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[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I personally think talking about what your T is doing wrong is best talked about in person. So much can get misinterpreted through email. Could you print out your email and have her read it in your next session and then you can talk about it?

I'd like her to read it before my session. Having a rupture like this before the last session is awful. All because she changed her mind on the end date. I thought I had more time but she's thrown it out of left field and knocked me sideways! I will print a copy out for myself and take it with me and highlight the important things I need to discuss.

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[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by itjustis

I'd like her to read it before my session. Having a rupture like this before the last session is awful. All because she changed her mind on the end date. I thought I had more time but she's thrown it out of left field and knocked me sideways! I will print a copy out for myself and take it with me and highlight the important things I need to discuss.

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Try to leave nothing unsaid when you end with her so you have no regrets.

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[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

Try to leave nothing unsaid when you end with her so you have no regrets.

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This is why I'm doing the email, I have over a week to wait for the session so it's good thinking time for everything I need to say.

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[Myrto]

I have sent my therapist many frustrated mails. I wrote that I hated her, that she was bad at her job, that she was selfish, incompetent. It's what I felt at the time. I get angry very easily and she had hurt me (not on purpose). My therapist has never reacted badly, instead she pointed out that I was angry and told me we should explore that anger. She didn't take my outbursts personally. I don't know how your therapist will react and I don't know your relationship with her but imo you should definitely send that email. Even if it's venting, it's good for her to know all about it.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Myrto

I have sent my therapist many frustrated mails. I wrote that I hated her, that she was bad at her job, that she was selfish, incompetent. It's what I felt at the time. I get angry very easily and she had hurt me (not on purpose). My therapist has never reacted badly, instead she pointed out that I was angry and told me we should explore that anger. She didn't take my outbursts personally. I don't know how your therapist will react and I don't know your relationship with her but imo you should definitely send that email. Even if it's venting, it's good for her to know all about it.

Thank you Mytro. She's a great T, up until the crossed wires with ending which has evoked some pretty strong feelings for me. Our relationship is very good. I've also text her before now telling her I hate her and didn't want to see her again!! We talked about it and moved on.

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[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Myrto

I have sent my therapist many frustrated mails. I wrote that I hated her, that she was bad at her job, that she was selfish, incompetent. It's what I felt at the time. I get angry very easily and she had hurt me (not on purpose). My therapist has never reacted badly, instead she pointed out that I was angry and told me we should explore that anger. She didn't take my outbursts personally. I don't know how your therapist will react and I don't know your relationship with her but imo you should definitely send that email. Even if it's venting, it's good for her to know all about it.

Apparently my phone doesn't like to spell your name I do apologise, Myrto!

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[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by itjustis

I've sent emails before and had good results. I think I will send it, I have it written for a reason so I'll stick with my first gut feeling of sending it

Good decision! I hope you will give an update as to how things play out.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Good decision! I hope you will give an update as to how things play out.

Of course

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