[AnxiousGirl]

Hi all. I know it's been a while but thats because ive been working and I actually didnt see my T for 2-3 weeks because I honestly had no motivation to go and talk to her about anything. Today I had a session and it was sort of odd. My T was like drilling me with questions that were off topic about what we originally had talked about and I'm still thinking about it now. Like she asked me if I want relationships and how most of her clients my age (20+ I guess) talk about their bf/gf and dating and such. I never talk to her about it because I get super uncomfortable and she just added on saying that she wants me to know that it's a safe place and that I should know there is somewhere I can talk about it and its with her. I just found that really odd and random to be honest. I guess she compares me to other clients and since I dont have a boyfriend or have been in a relationship she finds it odd? Its not like I dont think about it, on the contrary, almost all my time is wondering why i dont have a bf or wishing I did, but I dont feel comfortable talking to her about that, just with friends. I dont know, maybe I read into it a lot or something. Then she asked me about this guy ive been seeing as friends for like 5 years and how that is and I lied to her face and said it was still fine and were still friends, when in reality hes ignoring all my texts and blowing me off and not texting me at all anymore. Like why was my therapist so interested in knowing all this thats what im curious about...

Anyways, she assigned some hmwk for me to do for next week and one of them was to write about something that happened to me a while ago that made me into the person I am today. Problem is, I know exactly what happened but I dont want to talk about it/bring it to session. Also, I want to include in the email why I dont see that guy anymore and why I dont want to talk about that anymore in session because it pisses me off.. At the end of the session I was about to ask my T and say what if I know what the trigger was but i dont want to talk about it, but of course time was up and she had another client.

Now im debating on emailing her and telling her that but at the same time dont know if I should because I feel like I'll be a bother or something.

[kecanoe]

Maybe write about something else that made you the way you are.

and I wonder if by saying she was ok with people talking about bf/gf issues, she was just signaling that it is ok for you to talk about that if you wanted. If I remember correctly, she knows that there is something that you both do and don't want to talk about.

What if she is asking about that guy because she senses there is something wrong there?

If she's ok with emailing, go ahead.

[ruh roh]

I think you've said in the past that she likes it when you email, so I would take that to mean it's not a bother.

I'm also wondering if she's asking questions about relationships because you have not given her much to go by so maybe she's just trying to find out what's causing you distress. Mine shows no interest in much of anything by way of asking questions, but that could be because I share a lot (or it could be that she is just not interested, which is most likely the case).

I would take her question as an attempt to help you talk about what's going on, but without information all she can do is guess with questions. If you feel that you need to lie, then maybe therapy isn't benefiting you very much and is, in fact, just causing more stress? If so, a really long break might help you find a way to make use of it if you decide to return.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

If you feel that you need to lie, then maybe therapy isn't benefiting you very much and is, in fact, just causing more stress? If so, a really long break might help you find a way to make use of it if you decide to return.

You know, this was my thought, too.

Anxious Girl, I hope you don't think it's rude if I ask--Do you want to be in therapy right now? Again, I don't mean to be too blunt, or give you an interpretation you didn't ask for, but when I read your post it just didn't sound like you really wanted/had any pressing need to talk to your T. And that's fine! Actually, it's probably a good thing, haha.

Now, if I've read that all wrong, and you DO want to be in therapy, well, I'd ask yourself why? What do you want to talk about, if not the things your T is asking about? Bring those things to your T and talk about them, instead.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck!

[atisketatasket]

I agree with ruh roh and Argo. You often seem to avoid going to therapy or telling your therapist things that you really do want to talk about. Maybe a break is in order; maybe a reevaluation of why you're in therapy; maybe a different therapist.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for all the replies! I totally get where you guys are coming from. I really do want to be in therapy mainly because I know that it will help me and I know it's the right thing for me. Sometimes when I dont feel like going, I take 2-3 weeks to myself and cancel those appointments. I guess the main issue is that I have never really had anyone in my life who i can talk to freely and thats why ive kept so much to myself. Therapy is completely new territory for me and it's just taking a while for me to adjust to it. My T was extremely curious today about these things, way more than I have ever seen her. I dont want to find another T because after 2 years im just finally beginning to trust my current T and im so thankful that shes so patient with me.
Thanks again for the replies and inputs everything, much appreciated.

[skeksi]

Canceling appointments is a way to avoid connecting with her. It is scary to go and open up! But skipping appointments reinforces the fact that distancing yourself from people, especially T, makes you feel safe. What if instead of canceling when you don't feel like going, you went in and talked about how you didn't feel like going? That maintains the connection, as scary as it is.