[atisketatasket]

With so many people looking for new therapists, I wondered how long the process takes.

I have been lucky, I suppose: my college therapist and Nos. 1 and 2 were all referrals, and there wasn't anything obviously wrong with them and they weren't too irritating, so I stayed. No. 3 was one of three I saw in person (I spoke with about half a dozen more on the phone).

I'm not asking how many therapists you've seen in your life, but how many you visit (not just call or email) on average before deciding one of them is your new therapist?

[awkwardlyyours]

Both times (current one and one I saw a decade earlier), I've ended up with the first one I saw in person.

Not a great idea overall....

[growlycat]

I have about eight people I've emailed and so far only one seems worth seeing even for an initial consult. I think I have 4-6 more people to contact but they in turn may refer me to someone else.
I really don't want to meet with more than four people in person. I screen out a lot just by phone or email or just looking at one whackadoo profile after the other.

[kecanoe]

The last 4 times, I got a referral and went to the first appointment without talking on the phone or emailing. And I stayed with each t. I didn't like 2 of them at first, but I think that has more to do with my Mom issues (both are women) than anything else. I am glad I stuck it out with them, especially t3. She has really helped me.

The notion of "shopping around" for a therapist is very foreign to me. I know that it is a good principle but it just would not work in practice.

Mind you, with the first two therapists I saw the idea would never even have occurred to me. And with current T, I'm perfectly content with how well it's working so I have no need or desire to change. I don't imagine I'll be in a position to see another T after him.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My first therapist was selected purely by location and that they took my insurance. It didn't really occur to me to shop around. She was a poor fit. Second therapist was a referral from my first therapist. Again, didn't occur to me to shop around, and again a poor fit.

Fast forward a few years, I'd moved to another state, and I decided to try to find a new therapist. I went to see one, decided she was a fruitcake, then took my time selecting another therapist and found one that's perfect for me. So, I guess it took me two tries to find someone. I don't count my experiences with my first two therapists.

[Mike_J]

My therapist was recommended to me by my first psychiatrist, something that I will be forever grateful to him for. So I have only seen one therapist.

[Waterbear]

I went to see 6 in total before deciding that this T would be the beat fit for me. I am not sure that she gets me as much as some would have but overall it seemed the right decision.

1 was a very talkative 'hippy' type with a very turquoise room and wooden chairs.
1 was like being in the Spanish inquisition. Question after question on my life history.
1 had a tiny room upstairs in her house and we were sat about a foot apart, too close for comfort.
1 was wearing such a short skirt and high heels, I could see the tops of her thighs as she crossed her legs, and her office was literally the size of an under stairs cupboard.
1 was a possible but I felt like I was talking to a tape recorder or a brick wall even after 4 sessions.

Then there was this one who just seemeed lukr a normal human being who was the right gender and age. The space seemed comfortable and those were enough qualities for me after the others I had seen. Writing that just reminded me that this is such a dicey game.

[stopdog]

I interviewed over 30 of them before finally sticking with the two least objectionable ones.

I saw many through my parent's insurance at Kaiser and all of the therapists there were terrible. Once I became an adult and sought out my own therapy, I decided to go with the one my roommate/best friend recommended...who I've been seeing for the last three years. The only research I ever did to find T2 was when I went on Psychology Today and tried to find ones that were specifically Jungian and psychodynamic, as opposed to the CBT I've been so used to working with. I clicked with T2 immediately, too. They all look great on paper, but like dating, you have to find someone that works with you and your personality. It's all a crap shoot. Research can hopefully make the search easier, but overall, I'm sure it's a struggle and most probably go through several before they find the right match.

[Out There]

I think I got lucky with the main two and didn't have to shop around , the disaster got turfed after two sessions. If I didn't have regular T I doubt I would go and find another , unless I wanted something specific.

[ruh roh]

I don't have a pattern. The first several were because someone recommended them and then two were ones I specifically picked for their specialty which no one else in the area had.

With the therapist I see now, I called three, saw the third one for one visit, called a fourth (recommended by a colleague) who wasn't taking any new clients, but recommended three for me to look into, and of those three I found the one I see now. It's the most effort I've put into actually selecting one, and I can tell the difference.

I don't think I could survive multiple phone calls and in person visits, though. The visits alone are a pricey way to shop around. I mean, most here are about $120-$175 hr, so it's hard to throw that away on a trial session. The therapist I ended up with was the only one who offered a free 15 in person consultation. I didn't need it though because I could tell on the phone that I wanted a full hour to see how I felt.

[luvnola]

The several times I've sought out a new t, the number of ts I saw before deciding is different.
If I had to average, I'd guess about 3 or 4. With some of them, i'd give it a few sessions, and with others I knew in that first session that they weren't right.

[ScarletPimpernel]

For most my Ts I didn't have a choice. Either my parents, county, or college chose. One T I just settled on. I didn't really like her, but was in no mood to T shop after the last T transferred. Ex-T I found, and I liked her from the start, so I just stayed. But last time, I saw a T for two weeks, but decided not to stay with her because she was too far away and was judgmental. Then I found current T. We had a really rough patch at the start and I started T searching again. But I wound up staying with current T and working through our issues.

[Blue skies $]

I am trying to find a therapists that deals with DDJ. I have called numerous ones and no one has either worked with someone suffering from this or have never heard of it!!! If anyone has info on DDJ. (Delusional disorder jealousy type) please let me. Thank you!!

[retro_chic]

The first one I saw was so useless I don't even count the experience as therapy. I stayed with her for about 12 sessions (what my insurance covered) before finishing with her. The next one I saw was about a year later and was much better and saw her for a year before she left on maternity leave. I then saw another T at the same practice for 1.5 years before she too left on maternity leave. After that I took a 2 year break as things were going well for me and I thought I was done. Then towards the end of last year things started to get bad again and I found another therapist. I only saw that one for 5 sessions because it was not a good fit - her voice annoyed me and the type of therapy was just not helpful. I then found my current T. Current T is by far my favourite - she is very different from all the others because she is psychodynamic based but I think that is why I like her the most... Or maybe it is transference

[stopdog]

I kind of enjoy interviewing them. And I do learn things from watching how they approach it.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I kind of enjoy interviewing them. And I do learn things from watching how they approach it.

I would love to hear your wisdom on this--you put so much time into your search! Even though you and I look for different things in a T I bet you have some insightful stories that would help me.

Such as, signs that you need to turn around and walk out the door. I am in a vulnerable state and I could fall prey to wily (or crazy) T's

[stopdog]

I wish I had something better for you - but I sort of went on how quickly they said something that made me know I would despise them or have even less respect than I already do in general for their profession. A few were earnest but just so not even in the ballpark for why I was going that it was clear I could not deal with them.

[unaluna]

I kinda latch on as soon as I walk in. The book "the quiet borderline" says that's a characteristic, no boundaries, trusting someone inappropriately.

In my country you don't shop around. You get assigned a T and you just have to make it work. The only thing you can pick (if it's not picked for you) is the modality.

[bookgirl667]

Like a bazillion jillion when I was just going off who took my insurance or who was the first one available at the clinic.

Then when I asked my awesome pdoc (it took me a long time to find her, too) for referrals, I found two great ones in a row (first one terminated because he left the clinic for a different job).

[UglyDucky]

I voted "other." Of the five or six Ts I've seen, all but one were professionally recommended. The one I just picked out of my health insurance booklet was not someone I should have seen more than once, and she was female and a social worker.

My current T was recommended by the PhD psychologist who performed my psych eval, which is all he does. He gave me a list of PhD psychologists and social workers he said were professionally trained and certified and knew what they were doing. (I thought it was interesting that they were all male...) I went to the first PhD psychologist on the list, not expecting to really interview him; I didn't know him, but just thought this was going to be my T. And though he told me I could ask him anything I wanted to know, I asked one question: "How long have you been in practice?" (he's in private practice). He'd been in practice 36 years. That was it.

Looking back, what made me stick w/this T - and I doubt I could have found anyone better anywhere, esp. considering my issues - was his firm handshake when we met and the fact that he'd been in private practice 36 years, which told me that he not only enjoyed what he did, but that he was good enough not to have gotten sued out of the profession.

Some of the other Ts in the past that were professionally recommended were not as good as my current T, but they did me no harm.

I don't know that I would suggest my method of finding a T to actually interviewing people, but I'm old enough now to know that I can reasonably rely on my own "gut" feeling about Ts. Too, the psychologist who recommended my current T is a highly respected, reputable professional whose reputation I was familiar with. And since he had just done an eval on me, he had knowledge of who would best be able to deal with my particular problems.

[fullsassahead]

I don't know that I have a set answer to this question. It's been different at different points of my life...

As a teenager, when first entering therapy, I stayed with my first therapist. In retrospect, she was not the right fit. It wasn't that she did anything wrong, but she wasn't what I needed at the time. She was lax and tended to take things at face value. And, for me, that meant that she was untrustworthy. She failed to act on my behalf in regard to abuse I was experiencing. Again, it wasn't intentional and I do not fault her. But, she was also not effective for me.

Many of my other therapists and dietitians were part of treatment programs I was in. Most of the time, I settled for whoever I was assigned to. Sometimes it worked out and sometimes it did not. I didn't really believe I deserved help so it was easy to go with it regardless of whether it was a fit. However, a few years ago, that changed. I was assigned an individual therapist in a treatment program who was completely wrong for me. I asked to switch on multiple occasions and was consistently told she was, in fact, the right person to work with. In the end, she did great damage. She was cerebral while I am emotional. She made assumptions and never addressed my true issues because her ideas or thoughts took precedent. I wound up leaving the program (my 3rd go-round) to return to residential treatment. What happened the day before I left to return to a higher level of care was awful - she told me that I was kicked out of the program she ran and could not return following treatment. Mind you, this was treatment she felt I did not need and she made her opinion known. She tried to stop me from going and made me question myself. Thank goodness I didn't listen to her as I was in serious condition when I showed up in residential and they wound up admitting me to the medical hospital for 2 weeks before I was even able to return to the program.

That situation scarred me and I waited a long time before returning to therapy. I came across a website for a counseling group and made an appointment. Initially, I liked my therapist. I felt cared for and heard. But, she was inconsistent at best. And, in retrospect, there were red flags galore. When I shared a diagnosis with her, she was dismissive and shaming. Not overtly, but it was there. In time, she pulled back and made me feel as though there was something wrong with me when I struggled or didn't immediately accept her reassurances. She would consistently tell me that she didn't understand me and made me feel guilty and as though I was a failure. She was punishing and would use my attachment to her as leverage. She would tell me all the time that she typically wouldn't see someone as "sick" as I was and would threaten to stop therapy all the time. Indeed, I need residential or inpatient care, but my insurance will not pay and I have no other resources accessible. But, she knew my issues with abandonment and I became fearful of being honest. She also cancelled frequently - from January to March, when I ended, she cancelled half of the sessions we were set to have. I decided to leave at that point.

My current T was a referral from my dietitian. I struggle with trusting her and attaching to her as I have had some bad experiences in the recent past. But, she is proving to be who and what I need in this moment. My current dietitian was one that I saw in treatment programs and who is now in private practice. I had a poor experience with my previous dietitian, but who I currently work with is the absolute best fit. I consider myself fortunate to have the right treatment team on board. But, it didn't happen without believing that I deserved more than what I was being given by previous providers.

Sometimes, you know right away that you've found the right person. Sometimes, you don't know what you were missing until you have it. And, sometimes, it's a shot in the dark and you have to keep shooting to find what you need. I guess it's different for everyone, but that has been my experience.

[Chummy2]

One.
I was a teenager when I went to therapy for the first time. I've seen some T's who waren't good or waren't good for me. I didn't know you could choose your T, that you didn't had to stay with the T they sent you to (everytime I quit/''finished'' a T/therapy, I got refered to another one). I thought it was my fault that I wasn't making progress. That I was a failure.
Around when I was 21 I quit another therapy, it wasn't working and they sent me to group therapy and I know that wouldn't work for me.
I started looking online for therapy. I didn't chose that the T, I chose a practise and that T was the first one that had an opening. Luckily it worked out fine.
I now have a new T (replacement t). She works at the same practise as my T and my T chose her for me. I like her and she's good, which I actually didn't expected. But if I hadn't liked her, I wouldn't have stayed with her.

So I've never really went T shopping. I wished someone had told me as a teenager that you didn't had to stay with the first T you got. And that it wasn't neccessarily my ''fault'' that I wasn't making progress, but that it could have been that the T wasn't good.
The only one who has ever told me that was my former pdoc. But by that time I already knew it.