[retro_chic]

That's how I felt in session today. Everything T said irritated me even her voice and mannerisms were annoying.

I think I am still angry and upset about the "no hug thing". I've been feeling really frustrated at my lack of progress too. I've been seeing my T weekly for six months and I don't think I have made any progress. I told my T this hoping she would tell me I am making progress or just say something encouraging but she didn't. We spoke about my feelings around this "lack of progress" and got talking about how I have trouble opening up and my T said that she can only hypothesize so much and eventually she will run out of things to say if I don't have any input. T asked me something like "what will happen for us then?" and I said I don't know and T said she didn't know either. I felt like she was just giving up and I'm just a lost cause and a failure. T said that she "talks more than usual" in our sessions which makes me feel as though I'm doing something wrong.

I usually write stuff down in between sessions and read it to T. In my session today T said that doing that creates distance and removes some of the emotion from it. I said I guess it does but it is better than not talking about my issues at all and T said "of course it is" but went on about how it is a "safer" way to express myself and whatever. I feel like she is trying to discourage me from writing things down and reading them to her. This made me angry because it is the only way I can get everything out and even then it is still very hard for me. These are my sessions and if I want to read stuff out to her I should feel free to do that. Now I worry that T thinks I'm not trying hard enough and she is getting frustrated with me and is going to give up on me.

I don't know, just everything about therapy is really annoying me. I want to quit but at the same time I don't. I feel like the session went in a completely different direction than I had wanted it to. Even though I could have said at anytime that I want to talk about something else I didn't, I just let T talk about whatever crap she was going on about.

[itjustis]

I had a session once where I was getting really annoyed at T for no reason at all, like you everything about her was really annoying me. I left feeling like it was a pointless session...when we discussed it at the next session we got to the bottom of my anger and irritation, which turned out to be my child self kicking off about her boundaries!

For me the anger was good in therapy, it helped me get to the root cause of some serious issues.

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[speckofdust]

Yes! Recently, I had a session like that. T was speaking very softly (maybe she was hung over &#128521, I didn't like the color of her toenail polish, her hair was in her face, there were many awkward silences, and I wanted her to somehow make me feel less agitated. It felt like she was disinterested, which agitated me even more. I also knew she was getting ready to go out of town for a few days, and I was feeling jealous knowing she would have a spectacular time with family and friends.

On the way out of her office, I said something like, "See you next week, hopefully." I kept walking, and I could hear her say my name in that hurt "what'd you go and say something like that for" tone. I turned and said, "Well, you never know what will happen." I'm not certain if she heard that comment because I was kind of far away. I felt so bad about it that I apologized later.

But, yeah, I think it's easy to get annoyed with T's for many reasons. Most of it for me is that, even though I realize they are not miracle workers, I sometimes idealize that they can see how bad I feel and provide relief in one session, and when that doesn't happen, I find the whole session to be unsatisfactory.

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[Out There]

Yes a few times , but it hasn't been him that's at the root of it. One of my issues is people responding inappropriately to me - he consistently does and I was thinking he was being so bloody reasonable I could have a go at him ! And another was he's done quite a lot and said something like ' I've done a little bit ' and I wanted to jump out the chair and strangle him , also from somewhere else. It's a lot of anger and at the root of many issues for me as well.

[missbella]

Therapy's power dynamic can be both subtle and strongly present. So what might seem "irrational" reaction well can be an accumulation of cumulative dismission, condescension and shaming. (A general observation; don't know the individual circumstance.)

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have times where my T is annoying me and then it seems like every little thing annoys me about her. I am glad I can talk about it and it doesn't last that long.

Originally Posted by retro_chic

I usually write stuff down in between sessions and read it to T. In my session today T said that doing that creates distance and removes some of the emotion from it. I said I guess it does but it is better than not talking about my issues at all and T said "of course it is" but went on about how it is a "safer" way to express myself and whatever. I feel like she is trying to discourage me from writing things down and reading them to her. This made me angry because it is the only way I can get everything out and even then it is still very hard for me. These are my sessions and if I want to read stuff out to her I should feel free to do that. Now I worry that T thinks I'm not trying hard enough and she is getting frustrated with me and is going to give up on me.

Wow, I can't believe your T actually said that to you.

Therapy is about the client. If you feel the need to write things down, then she should let you do it without complaining about it. She should never discourage you from doing what makes you feel comfortable.

If she wants to encourage you not to write things down, I think that's fine... but telling a client that it "creates distance and removes some emotion" is not fine. There's a difference between encouraging someone and humiliating them. She seems to be doing the latter.

[therapyishelping777]

Do you all take notes, during therapy.. maybe stupid question.. I want to remember some of the tools and not "lose" them .. my therapist gives me alot of good stuff, so I take notes.. just wanted to know how many people do that.? My T doesn't discourage me from taking or having notes but sometimes encourages me to put the notebook down and be in the moment. so to say.He says it very kindly..

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by therapyishelping777

Do you all take notes, during therapy.. maybe stupid question.. I want to remember some of the tools and not "lose" them .. my therapist gives me alot of good stuff, so I take notes.. just wanted to know how many people do that.? My T doesn't discourage me from taking or having notes but sometimes encourages me to put the notebook down and be in the moment. so to say.He says it very kindly..

I found it so helpful to record my sessions. Now I always have them to listen to and her voice is so comforting to hear.

[therapyishelping777]

interesting. that would be interesting to hear the sessions again.

[retro_chic]

Thank you all for your replies.
I have realized that I feel much more than just annoyed at my T; I feel angry and hurt. The one thing that has kept me going to sessions is the connection I feel with my T and the fact that she understands me but now that idealized image has been shattered. I feel as though T is fed up with me and I'm doing therapy wrong and I'm a failure who is never going to feel happy.

T did ask me at the end of the session how I was feeling and I said I felt kind of irritated. T asked me if I want to talk about it now or wait until next week. I said we can talk about it next week. So it seems T was willing to offer me some extra time but I don't know, I still feel as though she is fed up with me.

[retro_chic]

[Waterbear]

That is a hard feeling to sit with, that someone else us fed up with you. I think that a lot. Could you ask your T directly next week if she is it not. Her response could be interesting and maybe useful to you. Take care this week.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

That is a hard feeling to sit with, that someone else us fed up with you. I think that a lot. Could you ask your T directly next week if she is it not. Her response could be interesting and maybe useful to you. Take care this week.

I guess I could ask her but even if she was fed up with me it is not like she would tell me that and if she said that she wasn't fed up with me I probably wouldn't believe her anyway. I'm not sure how useful that conversation would be but I know I am going to have to talk to her about all of this...

Originally Posted by retro_chic

Thank you all for your replies.
I have realized that I feel much more than just annoyed at my T; I feel angry and hurt. The one thing that has kept me going to sessions is the connection I feel with my T and the fact that she understands me but now that idealized image has been shattered. I feel as though T is fed up with me and I'm doing therapy wrong and I'm a failure who is never going to feel happy.

T did ask me at the end of the session how I was feeling and I said I felt kind of irritated. T asked me if I want to talk about it now or wait until next week. I said we can talk about it next week. So it seems T was willing to offer me some extra time but I don't know, I still feel as though she is fed up with me.

You're not a failure and you're not doing therapy "wrong". You're doing what you're comfortable with.

To be honest, there are a lot of people who bring in written notes and hand those notes to their T instead of directly talking to their T. It's really not much different than what you're doing. In fact, I'd argue that what you're doing is fairly normal.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

You're not a failure and you're not doing therapy "wrong". You're doing what you're comfortable with.

To be honest, there are a lot of people who bring in written notes and hand those notes to their T instead of directly talking to their T. It's really not much different than what you're doing. In fact, I'd argue that what you're doing is fairly normal.

I agree it is pretty normal to write things down and bring it to sessions. My T is psychodynamically focused so I think she is trying to encourage "free association" and more spontaneous expression of emotion but that is still something I find very hard . Also, I tend to forget things if I don't write them down.