[Ididitmyway]

My sentiment is kind of similar to Skyzeeks. I feel I've grown so much on my own and have learned so much about my life and life in general that no mainstream therapist would be enlightened enough even to begin to understand me, let alone help me. My experiences and the lessons I've learned from them are so much bigger than just "clinical" problems that I'd protest being squeezed into a "diagnosis" that needs to be "treated".

Ididitmyway, I also thought Skyzeeks said it well. I've hit that place in my life where I have to admit I'm aging (much to my chagrine) but that also means I gained a lot of perspective over the years and while my history certainly ran my life for a long time, so much of who I am now is a collective experience of . . . well, experience, I guess. Therapy served an important purpose for me and helped me survive some very serious mental health issues and get through intense points of crisis. It also got me to that place where I could let the past finally be where it needed to be and see my life in greater perspective.

Even though I did have some very specific diagnoses, I was fortunate to have therapists and pdocs who didn't "treat" my diagnosis, but rather, treated ME. I think that is why they were very so effective. Yes, they had to keep my diagnosis in mind when it came to helping me, but they never lost focus on the fact that I was me first, and those symptoms I was experiencing were challenges to get past so that they didn't keep getting in my way.

I doubt I will ever go back into therapy unless it is for a brief time for some very specific reason (though I don't foresee what that would be or that even happening). I've reached a place where I can finally see things pretty clearly for myself, where I can manage even when pretty major crap heads my way (and it does fairly regularly still). I think that is what I always wanted to come out of therapy being able to do, so it served it's purpose got me to that goal.

[missbella]

Therapy only set me backwards for a variety of reasons. I established a stronger presence in the world pursuing my goals and career, in "protecting" family members, through the arts, through friendships, through pet ownership, through yoga and other exercise, through rehab physical therapy, in the outdoors, through setting up my household. I wish I can say I was better at healthy eating and cooking, but believe self-care is certainly "therapeutic" in many both in process and in effect.

This blog explores why therapy may be unbeneficial to some.
https://trytherapyfree.wordpress.com...y-free-part-1/

Originally Posted by missbella

I wish I can say I was better at healthy eating and cooking, but believe self-care is certainly "therapeutic" in many both in process and in effect.

LOL! I'm with you there. I've decided I like to eat all the wrong things, but I'm getting better with my diet and I do think it helps and is certainly an important aspect of self-care. It's become a family affair around here which really helps as we are all in it together. I also receive a great benefit from the arts and relationships as you mentioned. In my case it took the help of therapy to get me to the place where I could finally incorporate those activities and pursuits into my life so they could work as an effective replacement for formal therapy. I was very fortunate to have a therapist and pdoc who encouraged me to do so.

[missbella]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

LOL! I'm with you there. I've decided I like to eat all the wrong things, but I'm getting better with my diet and I do think it helps and is certainly an important aspect of self-care. It's become a family affair around here which really helps as we are all in it together. I also receive a great benefit from the arts and relationships as you mentioned. In my case it took the help of therapy to get me to the place where I could finally incorporate those activities and pursuits into my life so they could work as an effective replacement for formal therapy. I was very fortunate to have a therapist and pdoc who encouraged me to do so.

I, along with many people in the arts find the process, the execution and the community very spiritual and a wonderful exploration into myself, my interconnectedness and the world.

Originally Posted by missbella

I, along with many people in the arts find the process, the execution and the community very spiritual and a wonderful exploration into myself, my interconnectedness and the world.

Absolutely. I sing with a major symphony chorus and it definitely feeds my soul in many ways.

[*Laurie*]

I always say that therapists are like hair stylists. 20 out of 100 are mediocre, 2 out of 100 are really talented, and the rest...meh.

I was incredibly fortunate to be the client of a psychologist who worked for the veteran's administration (my husband is a vet and therapy was free). I saw him every week for 6 years, many years ago. He gave me "tools" that still help me to this day. Before and after him, the therapists I saw were very mediocre. The most recent one I saw, this year, really sucked. She tried, but just didn't get it.

So...I'm not really looking for a therapist anymore. Not unless I happen to somehow find out about one that is outstanding and very low-cost.

Originally Posted by LauraBeth

I always say that therapists are like hair stylists. 20 out of 100 are mediocre, 2 out of 100 are really talented, and the rest...meh.

I was incredibly fortunate to be the client of a psychologist who worked for the veteran's administration (my husband is a vet and therapy was free). I saw him every week for 6 years, many years ago. He gave me "tools" that still help me to this day. Before and after him, the therapists I saw were very mediocre. The most recent one I saw, this year, really sucked. She tried, but just didn't get it.

So...I'm not really looking for a therapist anymore. Not unless I happen to somehow find out about one that is outstanding and very low-cost.

I definitely walked away from my share of meh therapists. Therapy was always such a financial challenge for me that I just didn't have the time to waste on therapists that I felt were about has helpful as talking to a lamp post, so I looked for a pretty quick gut instinct that we were going to work well together. If it wasn't there, I moved on or just decided perhaps the time wasn't right and I waited for awhile.

[DelusionsDaily]

I think I'm reaching the end of regular therapy. My next is about 8 weeks from my last visit with an option to push it out longer if I'm doing well. So, hopefully in a year I'll be done.

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I don't think anyone should blame themselves for finding support in whatever form they can.

I feel more or less like Lolagrace in that my therapy was long-term, very needed at the time, successful, and well-past. It allowed me to grow into the potential that had been perverted and distorted in childhood. The structure of sessions ended @ 18 years ago, but the process of self-reflection continues. My T didn't teach me "skills" for coping with life, but rather established through interaction a process of perception that changed how I related to myself and others. The more I learn about various psychological theories, the more enhanced my reflection has become. It's not that life stops throwing curve balls; it's just that I'm no longer burdened by the consequences of past pain and have gained a different way of thinking. So for me, continued engagement with psychology enhances the reflection that keeps me centered and whole in myself. That in turn allows me to engage more fully and widely within my life. The unburdening freed up energy to put into action in my life so that I wasn't isolated anymore and could have a web of social ties that, when life difficulties happen, can be a source of support. As Lolagrace said, at the time, the support of a T was needed and appropriate; now, it isn't. Support comes in many forms once you are able to participate in it.

So the challenge becomes finding what feeds your sense of agency in the world? It's going to be different for everyone. But how I distinguish whether I could benefit from therapeutic help or rely on social support is by assessing the degree to which I feel that I am shaping my life, vs feeling shaped by life. It's not about distraction from issues, nor just keeping them in check--that would be an indication for me that I needed more therapy. It's about being freed from that struggle.

So what will enhance your being who and how you want to be in your life? Therapy? Spirituality? Adoption of a goal? A passion? I'm not sure the exact form makes much difference as long as it is genuine to your self and positive. Be "for" something rather than "against" something. Being "for" I think inspires an expanding of self, while being "against" encourages a shrinking of self.

Thank you for every word of this!!

[Bill3]

I don't want that attachment. I don't want to be anticipating my next appt to see T. I don't want to care if T is on vacation, or seems off one day, etc. I don't want to pay my T money to process how attached I am to them. I don't want to know personal things about them. I don't want them to do anything to make me feel special, other than supported. They are a tool in a toolbox, to me.

My relationship with my t meets your requirements. It is possible. If you knew that you would have a relationship with your t such as you described, how interested would you be?

[BudFox]

My last long term therapy was totally ruinous (attachment, obsession, rejection, humiliation, abandonment…). Prior attempts were inconsequential (except lost time and money). Subsequent attempts have ranged from mediocre to moderately bad. The damaging therapy put me in the abject position of feeling like I need therapy, but now I dont trust it nor do i believe in the paradigm. Like being driven down a long dark road and then abandoned, and then not wanting to risk getting into another car with a total stranger. Another obstacle is that I would have to pay one therapist to help me overcome the damage done by another (who also got paid). Attempted this many times last year and it felt decidedly unethical and exploitive.

Besides spiritual pursuits, connecting with nature, creative/artistic stuff, one alternative to therapy in terms of improving mental health is addressing physical health problems. The brain is affected by a lot of things going on in the body -- hormones, nervous system, gut health, nutrition. The gut especially is critical for brain health ("second brain"). I read recently that 80-90% of the messages between the two go from gut to brain. Much of the neurotransmitters are made in the gut and the flora/bacteria there are thought to have huge impact on cognition and mood.

[pachyderm]

I am not "in" therapy and haven't been for several years. I dread looking for a T, because I never have had, and do not now have, the self-confidence to know for certain when a T is good or not. I think I could be sucked into a disaster -- which is what my first therapy was. Started out OK but eventuated in a hellish experience which nearly killed me and which took decades of my life to slowly crawl out of, to the extent that I have done that. I have sought T's since then and have had one or two passable ones, but I need, or want, a great deal more than that. As a couple of others here have said, I am now old, and not full of money either. Most of the improvement I have made over the years have been on my own, by reading, etc. I feel the general level of real expertise in the mental health field is not high -- so my chances of finding a really good T are also not high. My ability to cope is so variable that I cannot predict ahead of time who I will be if I make an appointment for any fixed time. I don't see that most therapists understand that.

Maybe the general level of therapists is better now than it was in the past, when I had most of my experiences with the field. But I just don't know. I feel the general level of understanding in the mental health field is on a par with the level in physical medicine of the 19th century perhaps. Not good. So many people who seem to me to know nothing and who have not the slightest idea that that is the case.

This is the only thread I have felt like participating in on Psych Central for some time. And that's partly because I am in a relatively "good" condition of mind at the moment.

[here today]

So sorry about your struggles and experience Pachyderm. I appreciate reading about it, though.

[unaluna]

I wonder if we need a "not therapy" thread, in addition to a no therapy thread. Like some people say what they do is "not therapy", and interject practically every time i comment with how they see the given situation in their "not therapy" paradigm.

Well a broadway musical is "not therapy". it might be just as inappropriate to be quoting showtune lyrics every other post. I wonder how dr john would handle that.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Absolutely. I sing with a major symphony chorus and it definitely feeds my soul in many ways.

Wow that's awesome

[ScarletPimpernel]

Technically, this thread is more related to Other Treatments - Forums at Psych Central or Self-Help Ideas and Goal Setting - Forums at Psych Central

[stopdog]

It started off as mixed emotions about returning to therapy and people are chiming in about therapy. Seems on topic to me. Technically I would say it fits here. Certainly a thread may fit under more than area, but that does not keep it from fitting the one the OP chose.

In some ways, I don't use the therapists as many people here report doing. I don't need either of them although I choose to continue and have found ways to have them be useful. My point is that one might be able to find a use for a therapist that is not based upon a sense of need, but rather a sense of want for a purpose that may or may not be traditional.

[ScarletPimpernel]

You always have something to say against my posts...

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

You always have something to say against my posts...

Ditto. And im getting tired of it. It doesnt even make sense. Ie not you scarlet.

[stopdog]

If one is trying to decide between whether going back to a therapist would be useful or not - then I think there may be varying approaches and opinions on how one makes that decision. I am just giving my opinions like everyone else.

[Bill3]

So for me, continued engagement with psychology enhances the reflection that keeps me centered and whole in myself.

feralkittymom, thank you so much for the post from which I excerpted the above quote.

I wonder how important or necessary you would rate some sort of some sort of planned, conscious, ongoing self-maintenance or personal aftercare to be for those who have used therapy to recover from perverting and distorting events that occurred in childhood.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by Bill3

feralkittymom, thank you so much for the post from which I excerpted the above quote.

I wonder how important or necessary you would rate some sort of some sort of planned, conscious, ongoing self-maintenance or personal aftercare to be for those who have used therapy to recover from perverting and distorting events that occurred in childhood.

I suspect there would be a lot of individual variation there. And that it might be related both to the depth and completeness of the therapy experience, as well as the nature of the person's current life. For me being free from the struggle means not feeling the need to have to do anything planned because that feels a bit like working to fend off some potential pitfall. That said, I think it's important to build a life of one's choosing that is supportive of living one's best life. Hopefully, exploration of that would be part of the therapy experience.

For me, reflective writing has always played a role, so it was already integrated into my life. And as an academic, study comes naturally, so it doesn't feel like something I have to adopt. Though there has been some cross-over between my self-study reading and my academic research, that wasn't planned. The extra benefit to me of reflective writing is that it gives me a very tangible window into my thinking and emotions that both reveals insights and serves as a way to process difficulties when and if they occur. It's not a practice I do on a regular, planned basis: more as the mood strikes, as events occur, as a response to life. A lot of my writing isn't centered on myself, but rather on my thoughts about external events. Just tonight, I wrote about the horror that is unfolding in Dallas, and the echoes I feel to events in the 1960's. Of course, in doing so, I unearth feelings that also reflect my personal history. It's the melding of the two that encourages a perspective on my life as embedded in the world beyond my self; I think that balance is important. Others may experience the same through music or spirituality or nature or any number of pursuits. I think without an intention to relate beyond our self-state, we risk ending therapy and being left with the question, "Now what?"

Originally Posted by stopdog

It started off as mixed emotions about returning to therapy and people are chiming in about therapy. Seems on topic to me. Technically I would say it fits here. Certainly a thread may fit under more than area, but that does not keep it from fitting the one the OP chose.

I put this thread in this forum for those not currently in therapy. It is not an anti-therapy thread. I thought we could benefit with a thread of loose, broad discussion of those not in therapy and why, systemic issues of therapy, positive therapy experiences with those not needing therapy at this time, etc.

For myself, I'm undecided about returning to therapy and I'm taking a break. I benefitted from therapy with an unexpected rough patch - but that did not erase the years of therapy's benefits. I think I'm ok with no therapy at this time but my pdoc prefers me in therapy. I highly respect his medical opinion so I am giving a lot of thought about getting a T.

We already have a lot of threads about people thriving in therapy along with other issues all about T and being in therapy. I wanted support and garnering of discussion for people not in therapy.

Due to the volume of this forum, some people will not be in therapy and this is a space to voice that. It could even be a space to receive support of those needing therapy but having difficulty getting it. I think moving it out of this forum makes it a non-psychotherapy ever thread. Perhaps I poorly worded the title of the thread. There's no need to read this thread if it doesn't interest a member, etc.

Therefore, I think this thread is about psychotherapy and provides balance to this forum. Of course, the mods will move it as they see fit.

[feralkittymom]

Not to mention, all those who read but never register or post, but who are also trying to make such a decision. I think this thread may address a wider community than anyone will know.