[rainbow8]

I was looking at PsychologyToday and saw the photo and write-up by my first T. The last update was a letter I wrote around 1990. The understanding was that I could write but she wouldn't write back.

I saw her for about 3 1/2 years. She helped me understand why I attached myself to unattainable people, and she was the one who started my "addiction" to therapy. I fought the connection to her, but eventually we became close. She was only 29 and inexperienced, but she got regular help from her supervisor.

I quit suddenly and I'm still not sure why. I was nowhere ready to quit but I thought the fit wasn't good anymore. I cried for days afterwards, until I found another T.

After a few years my next T moved and I went back to my first one for closure. Unfortunately, that's when I discovered I could watch her from my doctor's office across the street. She ended up sending me certified letter telling me needed to get back into therapy with someone else right away, which I did.

Every so often I wrote to my first T in an attempt to sort out what happened. There was more positive than negative in that therapy. She was psychodynamic and used object relations theory.

So, last year I asked my current T what she thought of writing to my first T on the PsychologyToday form. She said it was up to me. I don't think it can cause me any harm. It would be nice if she emails me, but even if she doesn't, I want to tell her about my family. I was in my 30s then, and now I'm a grandmother. She knew both of my kids, and my husband too.

I'm not asking for advice on whether or not to write, but wonder if anyone ever contacted a T from years ago and if she/he responded.

[Luce]

I don't know if my answer will be helpful to you or not, Rainbow.

I am currently seeing the first t we ever saw (from over 30 years ago). She she was instrumental in getting us out our abusive home and into foster care as a minor. Recently something at work dredged up a whole lot of really old stuff and I needed to talk with someone openly and urgently. When looking thru the list of possible Ts her name came up and it felt right, so I arranged for it to happen.
Seeing her has served its current purpose (because parts of me have already established trust with her we can talk openly and urgently about the current situation without having to explain the history of trauma) and I can sense it brings a closure for her as well. She tells me she feels so 'privileged' to see us again.

We are also going to have an online session soon with ex long term t that we haven't seen for many years. We contacted her again recently after being out of email contact for about 4 years. We have spurts of back and forth communicaton every few years, but this will be the first (and likely only) session we have online with her.

But I don't know if my experiences with ex ts are typical or not. I suspect they are not. But I think if you had a decent relationship with a T in the past, they would be happy to hear an update.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Luce

I don't know if my answer will be helpful to you or not, Rainbow.

I am currently seeing the first t we ever saw (from over 30 years ago). She she was instrumental in getting us out our abusive home and into foster care as a minor. Recently something at work dredged up a whole lot of really old stuff and I needed to talk with someone openly and urgently. When looking thru the list of possible Ts her name came up and it felt right, so I arranged for it to happen.
Seeing her has served its current purpose (because parts of me have already established trust with her we can talk openly and urgently about the current situation without having to explain the history of trauma) and I can sense it brings a closure for her as well. She tells me she feels so 'privileged' to see us again.

We are also going to have an online session soon with ex long term t that we haven't seen for many years. We contacted her again recently after being out of email contact for about 4 years. We have spurts of back and forth communicaton every few years, but this will be the first (and likely only) session we have online with her.

But I don't know if my experiences with ex ts are typical or not. I suspect they are not. But I think if you had a decent relationship with a T in the past, they would be happy to hear an update.

Thank you, Luce. I'm glad it worked for you to see a former T from years ago, and I hope the online session goes well too. I don't want to see my old T though it would be interesting. Now she's very experienced! I think I will email what I can on the form. I hope she remembers me!

[rainbow8]

I just sent it! I had to cut some out because there's a 200 word limit. I hope she writes back but if not I'm glad I wrote anyway.

[CantExplain]

I would be tempted to go see her in person. The idea of not getting any kind of response does not appeal to me.

[atisketatasket]

I'm confused. She thought you were stalking her from across the street?

As to your question, I don't see the harm. It's kind of like sometimes I get an email from a former student. It's always nice to hear what they've been up to and know they remember me.

[velcro003]

Interesting! I'll be interested to hear if she writes back to you. I have no experience with anything like this, but once you got the letter, you never spoke to her? I think I'd be angry if thats how it went down with my T! But I don't know the specifics of what happened.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I would be tempted to go see her in person. The idea of not getting any kind of response does not appeal to me.

I've written her several times in the past and it didn't bother me not to get a response. I don't particularly want to see her again, but it would be nice if she wrote back.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I'm confused. She thought you were stalking her from across the street?

As to your question, I don't see the harm. It's kind of like sometimes I get an email from a former student. It's always nice to hear what they've been up to and know they remember me.

I'm not proud of my behavior but I WAS stalking that T from across the street. It was more like from one building to another, in the same parking lot. I even used binoculars. She should have closed the blinds; they were wide open and I could see her walking around her office. I wasn't seeing her as a client when I did this. She was my first T and I didn't understand anything about transference or what therapy was about!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Interesting! I'll be interested to hear if she writes back to you. I have no experience with anything like this, but once you got the letter, you never spoke to her? I think I'd be angry if thats how it went down with my T! But I don't know the specifics of what happened.

I quit, then I saw another T for about 2 years, and then I went back for a closure session with my original T. That went well, and I saw her 6 months later for another one time session. I was frustrated after that. It wasn't enough, and that's when I discovered I could see her from the hallway of the other office. I felt guilty and wrote her about it. My certified letter that I cried about, came soon after. Yes, I called her and told her it sounded like it was written in ice! Very formal and terse. I remember her words. She said she cared but she had to put some distance between us. It took me a long time to get over her but somehow i did, with the help of my next T, who was more CBT oriented. I had permission from the first T to write her but that she wouldn't answer. I did, and sent photos of my kids. I hardly think about her but I have all of my journals from when she was my T. Recently I read one of them. I also have audio cassettes from when I recorded my sessions. I was very attached to her but I did get over it when I attached to another T. I used to call it my pattern, or my game when I told that T how I did it with people in my life before her. She was the first to tell me it wasn't a game, but an intense need because of what I missed as an infant. She thought the fit between my Mom and I wasn't good enough but she said it didn't mean my parents didn't love me. She was shocked when she found out my mother had died a few months before I started therapy but I didn't tell her. Actually, I read it off a paper with a list of my problems the first session but she missed it. I was kind of weird then. I didn't want to acknowledge the loss of my mother or that she had anything to do with my feeling depressed.

[ramonajones]

Glad to see this note. I haven't talked to my first T in about 8 years and I really want to send him a letter with a picture of my beautiful baby I had earlier this year. I saw him for three years and then had phone sessions with him for 5 more years after I moved away. One week I just stopped calling and there was never any official final "goodbye" session. I wonder if it would be OK to send him a note letting him now how things are.